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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Selling the family home- who gets what. Please help !

343 replies

Pinksparke · 06/01/2022 11:28

Bob was with Sarah for 15 years . They have two children . They lived together in a big family home . Bob left when they split . The mortgage is in Bob’s name . Bob pays the mortgage .

Bob lives with his wife in their house with their son . Bob and wife pay the mortgage here . It is a financial struggle .

Sarah lives in the family home with Sarah and Bob’s children . Sarah is getting married and her new partner is moving in. Sarah’s partner is mortgage free ( he has a bungalow ) he will rent this to his son now that he is living in Bob and Sarah’s home .

Sarah wants half of the house when Bob sells it. Bob is happy to do this however Bob paid the deposit for the house from inheritance and is paying off £25k credit cards that Sarah and Bob racked up.

Should Bob still pay the mortgage when Sarah’s partner moves in?
Legally, does Bob have to wait until their youngest child is 18 before he can sell the family home ? Should Bob take off the deposit and half of credit card debit before he splits the profit from the house sale with Sarah ?
Legally does Bob have to give Sarah half ?

Bob pays the legal amount of child support and uniforms , shoes and extras . Kids stay with Bob 2 nights a week.

For clarification they were never married and house is solely in Bob’s name .

OP posts:

Hertsgirl10 · 07/01/2022 20:59

I didn’t realise having children means that their dad pays for their everything? What does Sarah actually pay for? She can get herself a job and contribute to raising her kids financially.

I don’t think that she’s owed a think and the kids would survive moving. Bob has been taken advantage of for too long, is he willing to pay for Sarah and her new husband’s honeymoon as well as all living expensive. Poor bloke

Dibbydoos · 07/01/2022 21:10

Bob def needs advise. She has no claim on the family home. Bob just has to pay an appropriate amount for their child. She is liable for their joint bills unless everything is in Bob's name in which case he has no out.
Tell her and her new beau to find somewhere to live. Sell the house Bob keeps the proceeds.

workingtheusername · 07/01/2022 21:17

I don't think Bob has to pay mortgage but he does have to pay maintenance so if the mortgage payment was in lieu of maintenance then yes should continue to pay. If it's additional would say no not to pay. When they sell profit should be 50/50 split not sure about deposit he would need to speak to Sarah or a solicitor

Flatwhitetostayin · 07/01/2022 21:20

I think you should be very proud of Bob. X

maybloss2 · 07/01/2022 21:36

Hello!
Sarah is in the house because of the children her n bob share.
Once their children are 18th as they are adults neither parent is ‘obliged’to house them.
Both bob and sarah should seek legal advice and or mediation to sort out both what is legal and what is financially’fair’.
If other parties feel they are subsidising bob and sarah’s arrangements then they should say so.

Missingpop · 07/01/2022 22:29

I’d say Sarah is having her cake & eating it & her new husband is rubbing his hands because he’s making a tidy profit by renting his home to his son these two are a right pair is stooges

NewMessageFrom · 07/01/2022 23:03

Has Bob paid mortgage and cm while not living there? Did Sarah become SAHM for their dc?

caringcarer · 07/01/2022 23:11

Bob should not be paying off debts run up by Sarah and new partner. Once Sarah married Bob should ask her to vacate the property and move on with new husband. Bob should have DC more often.

WeDontTalkAboutBrunonono · 07/01/2022 23:13

Sounds like Bob is being taken for a mug tbh.

Fluffmum · 08/01/2022 00:02

If it’s Bobs house and he wasn’t married to Sarah, He actually could have made them leave when they split up. A bit heartless but legally correct

SnozPoz · 08/01/2022 06:19

You're Bob right? Sounds like a mess. Feels like this should have been sorted out a long time ago but you let it slide because of guilt/children/ whatever and only now getting the hump because Sarah's got a new partner moving in.
Sarah and Bob both need legal advice
Their finances should be separated - which either means selling Sarah and Bob's house or Sarah buying Bob out if she doesn't want to leave... or Bob transferring the house and mortgage over to her. As for that old debt I'd suggest that's not actually part of this if Bob agreed to take that on in the first place
Personally if I were Sarah and new partner I'd want to start afresh somewhere in a new house.
But yes... get solicitors to sort this out rather than trying to get Mumsnet crowd to take sides in a situation where we're only hearing your version

WhistPie · 08/01/2022 06:53

@SnozPoz The OP has said that they're Bob's mum. It's quite easy (and common courtesy) to read all of the OP's posts by clicking on 'See All' under any of the OP's posts, before replying and showing that you haven't bothered reading them

BananaBlue · 08/01/2022 08:21

Re Sarah getting 50%, can that be offset against Bob paying for a roof over her head all these years?

Otherwise he would have paid twice? Once for the mortgage payments over that period and again in giving her 50% of the equity creating from said payments and HPI.

I think it’s honourable in terms of his kids but even Sarah was nuts by living in such insecure housing.

She surely was always going to have leave at some point?

Notmrsfitz · 08/01/2022 09:35

For what it’s worth I think Bob has displayed excellent paternal duties and been an admirable ex partner.
I think when new relationships start then fresh starts are needed.

Mouseonmychair · 08/01/2022 09:41

Bob needs to grow a pair he should have sold up and paid CMS at the start.

InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 08/01/2022 09:45

@FFSFFSFFS

I’d say Sarah is taking the piss

Without a shadow of a doubt.

LittleBearPad · 08/01/2022 10:01

Bob and Sarah need legal advice
Bob needs to stand up for himself a bit
Sarah needs a job.

You didn't say how old the children were, which is important, as this will affect Sarah's ability to financially "stand on her own two feet". Does she feel able, in terms of child care or even running young teens to and from school to be able to get a decent job, or like so many working single mothers I know, is she unable to get a job that is any better than minimum wage because she is tied to school hours? If she previously had a good career, do her years as a full time parent make it difficult to get back in? How much does Bob help out practically, is he prepared to shoulder 50% of the childcare responsibilities to enable Sarah to get back on her feet?

Young teens do not need running to school. They also don’t need a mother who can only work school hours.

LittleBearPad · 08/01/2022 10:02

@Hertsgirl10

Sarah is definitely taking the piss

She is.

I do wonder what new Mr Sarah knows…

Radiohat · 08/01/2022 10:23

As it was the family home , where they lived as a family.....ie just like man and wife. Sarah did not work BUT she looked after children so sacrificed her ability to forge a career. Sarah should be compensated for doing that. The debts Bob paid were debts he incurred while with Sarah (who worked looking after the children) as she had no income but looked after kids so Bob could earn...Bob should pay the debts off. As for split of house Bob should get deposit pluss interest . Bob should seek legal advice re percentage of split to be devided on sale of property. Bob should also seek legal advice on how he should broach with the subject with Sarah that he will not be financially supporting Sarah's new husband with a rent free home.
The only way is propper legal advice. I would like to also say to Bob's mom that Sarah worked looking after their children and if Sarah had not been around it would have cost Bob a lot more .

SpaceshiptoMars · 08/01/2022 10:34

The only way is propper legal advice. I would like to also say to Bob's mom that Sarah worked looking after their children and if Sarah had not been around it would have cost Bob a lot more .

As Bob's new wife is working FT with a new baby, presumably she/he is paying childcare costs, as well as the mortgage, and also missing out on the baby years.

Smellycat290 · 08/01/2022 10:34

If they have children together then whether they were married or not is totally irrelevant and everything should be considered through the lens of ensuring those kids are happy and untraumatised. Bob owes it to their kids to make sure Sarah is ALWAYS housed and safe (and vice versa). Surely Sarah and new partner could buy Bob out? If new partner is mortgage free then he should be able to contribute? If finances are tight then her new partner can sell his bungalow to fund it. If this is not possible, then Bob and Sarah should split the mortgage 50/50 because of the kids, and Sarah and new partner should take care of all maintenance and upkeep of the property.
After 15 years & kids, the deposit and shared debt don’t factor into it, but could Bob re-mortgage and release money to clear the credit card debt? At this point he could put Sarah on the mortgage, or switch to interest only for a year? This would give everyone a breather and help the dust settle.

LittleBearPad · 08/01/2022 10:37

@Smellycat290

If they have children together then whether they were married or not is totally irrelevant and everything should be considered through the lens of ensuring those kids are happy and untraumatised. Bob owes it to their kids to make sure Sarah is ALWAYS housed and safe (and vice versa). Surely Sarah and new partner could buy Bob out? If new partner is mortgage free then he should be able to contribute? If finances are tight then her new partner can sell his bungalow to fund it. If this is not possible, then Bob and Sarah should split the mortgage 50/50 because of the kids, and Sarah and new partner should take care of all maintenance and upkeep of the property. After 15 years & kids, the deposit and shared debt don’t factor into it, but could Bob re-mortgage and release money to clear the credit card debt? At this point he could put Sarah on the mortgage, or switch to interest only for a year? This would give everyone a breather and help the dust settle.

And Sarah’s responsibility for ensuring her children are housed and safe? Doesn’t she have one?

Bob is certainly not responsible for housing Sarah.

CandyLeBonBon · 08/01/2022 10:39

@LittleBearPad

Bob and Sarah need legal advice Bob needs to stand up for himself a bit Sarah needs a job.

Young teens do not need running to school. They also don’t need a mother who can only work school hours.

Two of mine do because otherwise they would struggle badly. So I make sure I support there education by ensuring they are in school/college at the right time. Teens don't come as one-size fits all. That said I work full time but I still do that as well.

CandyLeBonBon · 08/01/2022 10:39

*Their not there

LittleBearPad · 08/01/2022 10:43

Ok that’s fair @CandyLeBonBon though I think we can both agree that running teens to school doesn’t mean Sarah can’t work at all?

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