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Original poster

Selling the family home- who gets what. Please help !

343 replies

Pinksparke · 06/01/2022 11:28

Bob was with Sarah for 15 years . They have two children . They lived together in a big family home . Bob left when they split . The mortgage is in Bob’s name . Bob pays the mortgage .

Bob lives with his wife in their house with their son . Bob and wife pay the mortgage here . It is a financial struggle .

Sarah lives in the family home with Sarah and Bob’s children . Sarah is getting married and her new partner is moving in. Sarah’s partner is mortgage free ( he has a bungalow ) he will rent this to his son now that he is living in Bob and Sarah’s home .

Sarah wants half of the house when Bob sells it. Bob is happy to do this however Bob paid the deposit for the house from inheritance and is paying off £25k credit cards that Sarah and Bob racked up.

Should Bob still pay the mortgage when Sarah’s partner moves in?
Legally, does Bob have to wait until their youngest child is 18 before he can sell the family home ? Should Bob take off the deposit and half of credit card debit before he splits the profit from the house sale with Sarah ?
Legally does Bob have to give Sarah half ?

Bob pays the legal amount of child support and uniforms , shoes and extras . Kids stay with Bob 2 nights a week.

For clarification they were never married and house is solely in Bob’s name .

OP posts:
Fuuuuuckit · 07/01/2022 19:37

@CovidForChristmas

Bob should have sorted all of this out before he got married and had another child.

Get some legal advice and sort it out now Bob.

Fuck me, this x 1000.

Why the hell would anyone (OP) marry a man who was still so financially entwined with his ex? I understand that he wants to take care of his kids but he has no responsibility to house his ex for free. And certainly not her new husband. What a pair of chancers.

Bob needs to take legal advice. If Sarah has made no financial contribution to the mortgage, or towards major upkeep, she will not be entitled to any of the equity (without an incredibly expensive series of court proceedings). She needs to be told that Bob is taking steps to take possession of the house, or selling it, and he will only be paying CMS plus the extras above. Sarah and her fiancé are living in a dream if they think Bob will allow them to live in his house for free!

BoredZelda · 07/01/2022 19:38

It's funny how people are always very quick to say "ooh, I'd love to hear her side of the story" when it appears that a women is being unreasonable, but no one ever says that when it's a woman claiming a man is being unreasonable or taking the piss. Her word is always taken at face value...

Oh don’t start with that bullshit. That is said all the time too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/01/2022 19:47

Seems that the best solution would be for Sarahs new bloke to sell up, buy out Bob and then him and Sarah are 50/50 on the former family home and Bob has money to get a bigger place.

But that rather relies on Sarah being honest with her new bloke and it doesnt sound like she has been if he is putting himself into this rather dodgy housing situation.....doesnt strike me as the actions of someone who has got themselves to the point of being able to work PT as his finances are all sorted.

NorthSouthcatlady · 07/01/2022 19:53

@Goawayangryman or they could have used childcare. Neither of them necessarily needed to be a stay at home parent

Jewel52 · 07/01/2022 19:54

Legal advice is going to be essential but family solicitors are expensive so brace yourself for a hefty bill in sorting this one out 😩

Goawayangryman · 07/01/2022 19:59

@Offmyfence eh no. I love men. Real, feminist men who can advocate for themselves and don't get mum to do their bidding.

I don't like unreconstructed men from the 1950s who think that paying maintenance at the CMS rate adequately compensates women for the implied costs of being the stay at home parent for a decade.

Goawayangryman · 07/01/2022 20:01

@NorthSouthcatlady true that. My bad.

I don't understand what Sarah's new fella has to do with any of this. He is neither here nor there.

PaterPower · 07/01/2022 20:02

The new bloke moving in (without a rental agreement) is potentially going to mess with the terms of Bob’s mortgage.

If / when Bob comes to sell, this guy could essentially become a squatter and fuck it all up.

RantyAunty · 07/01/2022 20:02

I have to laugh at those screaming she gets nothing, they're not married but then there are thousands of threads on here giving dire warnings to women not to let men who move in with them to pay anything towards the house or he'll have a claim to it when the relationship ends in probably 6 months.

Bob's Mom didn't say how many children or their ages but if I was one of the children, I'd be furious at my dad if he kicked me, my siblings, and mum out of the family home.

Offmyfence · 07/01/2022 20:03

@RantyAunty

I have to laugh at those screaming she gets nothing, they're not married but then there are thousands of threads on here giving dire warnings to women not to let men who move in with them to pay anything towards the house or he'll have a claim to it when the relationship ends in probably 6 months.

Bob's Mom didn't say how many children or their ages but if I was one of the children, I'd be furious at my dad if he kicked me, my siblings, and mum out of the family home.

Good job he hasn't then!
Tigger1895 · 07/01/2022 20:07

Sarah’s partner needs to pay rent. Why should Bob pay a mortgage so the other man can live in his house for free?

NorthSouthcatlady · 07/01/2022 20:07

@Scottsy100 lm hazy about the legalities of your situation and you would need to get legal advice. But l think the answer might be that you aren’t entitled to stay in that house

I think the difference is Sarah’s children are probably older than yours, Bob and her have clearly been apart some time (if they have both met someone, plus he’s had a baby). Plus her not working, lm guessing you work. Sarah has had time to get her ducks in a row e.g. get a job, disentangle their finances etc. But doesn’t appear to have bothered to do that. If due to ostrich syndrome or laziness then who knows

Do you think your ex-partner definitely won’t play fair? My ex husband tried to screw me financially when we divorced. I had paid half of mortgage, half of diy costs and most of furniture costs. But he wanted me to walk away with £5k and leave him in a newly refurbished 3 bed house Hmm. My solicitor said jog on and l got my fair share as we were married -our paper trail wasn’t that clear of who paid for what

NorthSouthcatlady · 07/01/2022 20:09

@Goawayangryman not going to lie, if l was Sarah’s fella then l would avoid all of this like the plague. Sounds like a massive headache! But he also appears to have CF tendencies, if he doesn’t think there are financial implications of him moving into that house

Offmyfence · 07/01/2022 20:10

[quote Goawayangryman]@Offmyfence eh no. I love men. Real, feminist men who can advocate for themselves and don't get mum to do their bidding.

I don't like unreconstructed men from the 1950s who think that paying maintenance at the CMS rate adequately compensates women for the implied costs of being the stay at home parent for a decade.[/quote]
She didn't have to be the stay at home parent..... it's a thing called childcare... it's 2022 and it's widely available and has been for quite some time.

She's had a life of luxury, everything paid for and now thinks she can have new bloke also live on bobs wages!

Get out of here, she's having a bloody laugh.

I can here it now, I need more money the bills have gone on as new bloke likes the heating higher, come on Bob, I don't want to work so you must cover that.

Offmyfence · 07/01/2022 20:11

[quote NorthSouthcatlady]@Goawayangryman not going to lie, if l was Sarah’s fella then l would avoid all of this like the plague. Sounds like a massive headache! But he also appears to have CF tendencies, if he doesn’t think there are financial implications of him moving into that house[/quote]
Doesn't he just!

Fudgemonkeys · 07/01/2022 20:20

If they aren't married the house belongs to Bob

winterchills · 07/01/2022 20:24

Sarah's taking the piss big time and her new step son is getting his home rent free

Passthegin99 · 07/01/2022 20:28

OP - you probably stopped reading this now for your own sanity but you sound like a lovely, even-handed mum concerned for her son. I hope they get it sorted out.

Uberstar · 07/01/2022 20:29

Only info I can give is our experience of life after divorce
My husband left the marital home, his ex wife couldn’t afford to buy him out. It went to
Court and the judge ordered my husband stay on the mortgage but was taken off the deeds (so had no legal right to the property, he’s effectively her guarantor on their mortgage)
She has until their youngest child turns 18 to either take on the mortgage In her own right, or sell up and relinquish him from the ties of the mortgage (he won’t see anything because he’s been removed from the deeds!)
It’s shit, but it’s in the best interest of his children not having to move hous before they are 18

Offmyfence · 07/01/2022 20:29

@Passthegin99

OP - you probably stopped reading this now for your own sanity but you sound like a lovely, even-handed mum concerned for her son. I hope they get it sorted out.
Agreed!
SpaceshiptoMars · 07/01/2022 20:32

Is Bob paying out for 2 mortgages? If Bob is working for the NHS, how much money does he have left for his new family after paying for Sarah and their children? I think the new wife is paying rather more than half the costs of the new family.

BooneyBeautiful · 07/01/2022 20:36

If Bob is happy with a 50/50 split (minus his large deposit), why doesn't he sell his half of the house to Sarah's new partner? To fund this, it might result in the new partner's son having to pay rent on the bungalow or even selling it, but hey ho.

Lockdownbear · 07/01/2022 20:43

If Bob is happy with a 50/50 split (minus his large deposit), why doesn't he sell his half of the house to Sarah's new partner?

Bobs daft to give away half his house. Bareing in mind he needs his deposit and the mortgage to be paid off. And remember he's already paying other debts of his and Sarah's.

He's being paying for housing over and above maintenance and other expenses for his kids

I agree with the statement his new wife must be paying far more than she should be to support Bob.

Rainbowqueeen · 07/01/2022 20:47

@Scottsy100 no if you are in England and not married you are not entitled to a share in the house if your name is not on the deeds.

Speak to womens aid or CAB urgently and start protecting your interests.

Bob is a good man for doing the right thing by his children. But now as both bob and Sarah have repartnered it is time for the financials to be split. If Bob dies mrs bob will be entitled to the house. Sarah needs to find work and contribute to the financial support of her children. I agree that it is morally right that she gets a share in the house and I would support bob in this. But I would divide the assets so they can all move on with their lives

Hertsgirl10 · 07/01/2022 20:53

Sarah is definitely taking the piss