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Original poster

Thank yous for presents

114 replies

motherofcatsandbears · 05/01/2022 17:43

Not sure if I’m being old fashioned, but I’m feeling a bit peed off.
We have a young family living nearby and always give the little ones Christmas presents (about £15 per child).

The parents thank us when we drop the presents off, but we have never received a word of thanks, either by a little card, FB message or even a knock on the door.
I personally thank someone either by telephone, text or email as soon as I’ve opened my presents - is it now the done thing to not say a word of thanks?
I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this.

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 05/01/2022 17:44

It is rude, but I am old fashioned and still send thank you cards! I dont blame you for not wanting to continue.

Shoxfordian · 05/01/2022 17:50

They do say thank you when you go round though; it would be nice to have an update but they’ve said thank you

yellowsmileyface · 05/01/2022 17:58

I can understand feeling irked that there's no follow-up thank-you. However it seems a bit unfair to the kids to stop doing presents because of the parents' behaviour, seeing as they do initially say thank you.

I agree it would be polite and considerate to at least send a text, but they probably consider that they've already thanked you for it so there's no need. I do think it's a generational thing.

georgarina · 05/01/2022 18:00

They probably think they are saying thank you at the time

Not the best manners but probably not intentional

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2022 18:02

we still do cards but by god it's like pulling teeth.

All I'll say is give them a bit of time - I got a call from a friend asking why we hadn't thanked her for a present the day after I'd received it. Thank you cards soetimes take weeks!

Chely · 05/01/2022 18:22

I only send thank you text/card if a gift was not given to us directly (either by post or other family member). I find it a bit odd when others have sent thank you card for a gift they thanked me for when I gave it to them.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 05/01/2022 18:25

@Chely

I only send thank you text/card if a gift was not given to us directly (either by post or other family member). I find it a bit odd when others have sent thank you card for a gift they thanked me for when I gave it to them.
Same as this. I phone my Grandad and text my Uncle when we get presents as they live miles away so post presents. Everyone else I thank when they hand them over. And vice versa. They thank me when I hand them over. That's all I need.
MagpieWife · 05/01/2022 18:28

You're being old fashioned. Their manners are just different to yours, not worse.

I am in their position right now. Friends of my MIL gave my toddler and baby a Christmas present. It was very kind of her to think of us, and I'm grateful that someone outside my circle is expressing love for my children. I'm really touched.

But writing a thank you card will take ALL my spare time for the day, and then I will have to coax the toddler into signing which will be another ordeal. And I don't actually like the presents! I would much much rather the friend had sent a card or a message saying "Thinking of you all on baby's first Christmas" or something.

I will do a thank you, because as I say I am grateful. And I want to keep my MIL off my back. But I wonder if you could find another way to support this family, perhaps without expecting something in return.

Crepusculum · 05/01/2022 18:41

My son wrote his thank you cards yesterday, and they will be posted tomorrow. When he was younger I used to insist that he gave a thank you in some form within a week, I’ve relaxed a bit now.
I’m hoping that several people stop giving him gifts now he is older - he barely knows them, the gifts often weren’t needed/wanted/played with and I just saw it as another chore to get him to do his thank you cards/text/call. Sounds bad I know…to be fair to him he’s never complained but he also never done it without prompting a few times.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/01/2022 18:47

But they said thank you when you handed over the presents.

Why do you need to be thanked twice? Confused

WimpoleHat · 05/01/2022 18:51

I get my kids to send cards. I usually let them have 10 days before I start banging the drum and forcing the issue (I think a fortnight is an acceptable time lapse for thanks. Not sure why, but I do!).

Theredjellybean · 05/01/2022 18:55

Absolutely OP... I find it so rude that children nowadays aren't made to write thank you letters.
The poster who said their manners are just different... Really??? Not different, they are non existent.

rrhuth · 05/01/2022 18:55

Many people send thank you cards only to those who do not gift in person.

This I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this makes you sound pretty petty and nasty tbh. The parents set the rules, but you are punishing the children.

I give, without expectation, to those I want to be nice to.

5keletor · 05/01/2022 19:00

I would say thank you when given the presents, would only send a thank you message if it hadn't been handed over in person.

Tequilamakesmehappy · 05/01/2022 19:02

Currently in the process of writing thank you cards to those kind enough to give my children a gift at Christmas. Some I get the kids to write themselves but after a while I end up writing more than they do ( I have a huge family...loads to write). While I love sending thank you cards, I never have gotten one from friends or family in return..not even for wedding gifts/money and this has irked me a little so I can understand where you are coming from. I mentioned this to my sister in passing not long ago and she said it is old fashioned and many just don't have the time for it or even think of it beyond saying thank you at the time!

Topseyt · 05/01/2022 19:04

They said thank you when you handed over the presents. The parents did anyway, so they might consider that you have already been thanked.

Personally, I would have wanted and encouraged my children to say a nice, verbal thanks to you the next time we saw you.

We don't do thank you cards. We thank in person when the gift is handed over. If it has been posted or sent via another delivery service then we phone, text or WhatsApp message once the gift has been received and opened. I think that is perfectly sufficient.

55Jumbo · 05/01/2022 19:07

Agree with you, OP. I admit I don't send notes but anyone who makes the effort of a present gets a text of thanks about the actual gift once it's been opened.

Wafflesnsniffles · 05/01/2022 19:11

But they said thank you when you handed over the presents.
Why do you need to be thanked twice?
If Im given a wrapped present I of course say thankyou when Im given it but again once its been unwrapped. Its not to say thankyou twice so much as to show appreciation for the gift itself, the contents.

You're being old fashioned. Their manners are just different to yours, not worse.
Old fashioned maybe but its definitely bad manners to not bother to say thankyou in person/write a little note after the gift has been opened.

This I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this makes you sound pretty petty and nasty tbh. The parents set the rules, but you are punishing the children.
Punishing the children Hmm Hardly. If they cba to say thankyou properly the kids are probably entirely unfussed. Probably dont even know who specifically gave them which gift amongst the maybe dozens they got given.

55Jumbo · 05/01/2022 19:12

Then again, if you're a neighbour they don't know well and don't have your number to text, I can more understand why you haven't heard, as physically calling round in cold and rainy Jan probably just doesn't end up happening. As long as the parents were suitably grateful when you dropped off I think that's ok - though I can understand if you choose to stop doing it.

DeckTheHallsWithGin · 05/01/2022 19:17

Rude not to send thank you cards. Even if takes days to get the kids to write them. Smaller ones you can do a generic picture of the child plus a thank you letter from you and get them to sign it but older (6+) ought to write them if someone is kind enough to send a gift. Manners still matter! If the giver has been thanked personally when the gift is given its a grey area but def required for people you haven’t seen. Even a text or TouchNote type card is better than nothing. Definitely something that needs to be done.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/01/2022 19:19

It’s so fucking rude.

Thank you when someone hands over presents is just a polite way of saying thank you for giving me these gifts. Of course you need to give a specific thank you when they are opened to comment on the gift itself.

Jesus wept people are so rude. We also do thank you cards, as do all the decent people I know.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/01/2022 19:20

If Im given a wrapped present I of course say thankyou when Im given it but again once its been unwrapped. Its not to say thankyou twice so much as to show appreciation for the gift itself, the contents.

I just don't see the need to do that at all.

girlmom21 · 05/01/2022 19:22

Are people already complaining about no thank you cards? Our girls had presents from neighbours but we've been isolating since 28th. I hope people aren't slagging us off already...

TheCatWearsPrada · 05/01/2022 19:23

You were thanked already

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/01/2022 19:24

I just don't see the need to do that at all

“All that”?! You mean send a 30 second thank you text or something to show appreciation for the amount of effort someone put into selecting a gift for you? Manners cost nothing