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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thank yous for presents

114 replies

motherofcatsandbears · 05/01/2022 17:43

Not sure if I’m being old fashioned, but I’m feeling a bit peed off.
We have a young family living nearby and always give the little ones Christmas presents (about £15 per child).

The parents thank us when we drop the presents off, but we have never received a word of thanks, either by a little card, FB message or even a knock on the door.
I personally thank someone either by telephone, text or email as soon as I’ve opened my presents - is it now the done thing to not say a word of thanks?
I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this.

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/01/2022 20:10

I love how “thank you cards are environmentally bad” are trotted out by people too lazy to send them. Are text messages saying thank you also environmentally bad? Blaming things on being environmentally harmful sure is convenient!

BigYellowHat · 05/01/2022 20:11

But they’ve said thank you when you dropped the pressie round, surely that’s enough?

CorneliusVetch · 05/01/2022 20:15

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

It’s fine if people don’t want to send a thank you card - there is nothing wrong with a call or a text. But you need to do something!
Exactly this.
readwhatiactuallysay · 05/01/2022 20:17

Our DS (4) does homemade thank you cards to all the neighbours who give him a present. Its just a little craft time for him to think of the kind thing they did for him. He doesnt even need to be asked now.
He leaves voice notes, videos or phone calls to relatives if he opened the gift when they were not present.

Just manners and 15 mins of his time to show his appreciation.

Staffy1 · 05/01/2022 20:23

I thought thank you cards were for presents you have been sent, not ones someone has handed you that you have said thank you for at the time.

WinniePig · 05/01/2022 20:25

YANBU. If you have gone to the effort of buying a present then the recipient should put some effort into acknowledging the gift. My DC write short thank you letters to those who send them birthday / Christmas presents and I know they are appreciated by my family and friends. It’s good manners; manners don’t go out of fashion. Saying thank you when gift is handed over is not the same as recipient doesn’t know what gift is until it is unwrapped so how can they give proper thanks?

RomeosGone · 05/01/2022 20:26

Those who are moaning about not getting thank you cards... do you work full time? Did you work full time with two school aged kids? Did you work full time, with two school aged kids who need to be ferried across town for after school clubs?

Thank you cards are not that high on my priority list.

phoenixrosehere · 05/01/2022 20:26

How old are these little ones? Do they know who you are? Have you seen them since?
Are you and the family close?

The parents did say thank you when you gave them the gifts so I would consider that being thanked and since they are a young family as you have said it may not have occurred to them to thank you twice.

Saying that, YABU to be peed off because you weren’t thanked the way you wanted to be thanked. If it’s that big of an irritation to you, why not the next time you see them ask how their children liked the gifts and maybe you’ll receive the much wanted second thank you you’re after.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 05/01/2022 20:29

Does anyone really want a card ? To do what with relay the same message already said verbally or by text / email I don’t understand why you need it on print . Saying that if I gave a gift by 3rd party and didn’t receive a thank you even by text I’d be a bit miffed but I wouldn’t want a actual thank you card .

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 05/01/2022 20:30

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I love how “thank you cards are environmentally bad” are trotted out by people too lazy to send them. Are text messages saying thank you also environmentally bad? Blaming things on being environmentally harmful sure is convenient!
Do text messages end up in landfill?

The only person I know IRL who moans about not getting thank you cards (despite never sending them himself) also doesn't recycle as its "a waste of time"

lastqueenofscotland · 05/01/2022 20:31

You’ve been thanked. Also are they your family or just a family living nearby. If you don’t know them that well they might just think it’s odd you buy the kids presents without knowing them from Adam…

Sux2Buthen · 05/01/2022 20:41

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I love how “thank you cards are environmentally bad” are trotted out by people too lazy to send them. Are text messages saying thank you also environmentally bad? Blaming things on being environmentally harmful sure is convenient!
Lazy Grin. December on here is full of people bemoaning Christmas cards for the waste and then in January it's full of the thank you card brigade. I'm just a crazy person that gives things and is happy with a thanks at the time and knowing I've done something for them that they hopefully like. I've got drawers overflowing with bits of paper or notes or cards from over the years, one extra is not needed
workingtheusername · 05/01/2022 20:45

Do you get an Xmas card from them? I wouldn't really expect a thank you if I'd been thanked at handover. But agree it would be nice.

CorneliusVetch · 05/01/2022 20:45

@RomeosGone

Those who are moaning about not getting thank you cards... do you work full time? Did you work full time with two school aged kids? Did you work full time, with two school aged kids who need to be ferried across town for after school clubs?

Thank you cards are not that high on my priority list.

Yes!

But thank you cards are a red herring. No one is saying a text wouldn’t suffice. It’s a matter of acknowledging the contents of the present once it’s opened.

Breakingdud · 05/01/2022 20:48

I’m also not sure whether I’m being precious - what do you think?

DN lives abroad and came home either her children this Xmas for the first time in two years.

DN was staying with DSis - DN always makes sure they are out when we visit but leave the children with DSis so at least we get to see them.
DN doesn’t particularly like us she’s quite frankly a spoiled brat and DH put her in her place once when she was particularly brattish as a late teen (over 10 years ago)

We like to see her children though and this year bought them expensive gifts each. We have the children their gifts at DSis house (kids were hugely ungrateful and didn’t as much glance at the gifts - large Lego sets each) but hey ho that’s kids for you.

I was more hurt that DN didn’t bother to contact us herself to say thanks or wish us a happy xmas etc.

Seems she hasn’t lost any of her brattish ways, don’t think I’ll bother any longer when they do come back home for visits!

Hyppogriff · 05/01/2022 20:49

I always send thank you cards but I find it a chore. On the other side I am happy with a text

itwasntaparty · 05/01/2022 20:57

Why are you giving presents to a 'young family that live nearby'? Maybe they feel awkward?

Livpool · 05/01/2022 20:57

I send thank you cards from DS for presents/money from anyone who isn't family

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2022 20:57

@gettingolderandgrumpy

Does anyone really want a card ? To do what with relay the same message already said verbally or by text / email I don’t understand why you need it on print . Saying that if I gave a gift by 3rd party and didn’t receive a thank you even by text I’d be a bit miffed but I wouldn’t want a actual thank you card .
It's not just for the giver of the gift, really. It's partly that but mostly it's so that young children learn to be grateful and say thank you for gifts.
greymalkin71 · 05/01/2022 20:59

DH does them if required, he sets store by them. I can't see the need, especially if you've spoken on the phone/said thank you in person. But I am a killjoy and wish half the presents weren't given anyway. Just too much stuff. I find the ritual of giving token presents or money to people beyond immediate family and then having to do thank you cards hard work. Especially if you have kids that find writing difficult.

Lucycantdance · 05/01/2022 21:14

Can’t it just be a really sweet thing that you do, that they are clearly grateful for and say thank you when presents handed over - without the need for any sort of follow up? It’s not like you’ve bought them a brand new car or something. They’ve said thank you.

maddiemookins16mum · 05/01/2022 21:17

@MagpieWife

You're being old fashioned. Their manners are just different to yours, not worse.

I am in their position right now. Friends of my MIL gave my toddler and baby a Christmas present. It was very kind of her to think of us, and I'm grateful that someone outside my circle is expressing love for my children. I'm really touched.

But writing a thank you card will take ALL my spare time for the day, and then I will have to coax the toddler into signing which will be another ordeal. And I don't actually like the presents! I would much much rather the friend had sent a card or a message saying "Thinking of you all on baby's first Christmas" or something.

I will do a thank you, because as I say I am grateful. And I want to keep my MIL off my back. But I wonder if you could find another way to support this family, perhaps without expecting something in return.

How on earth can such a simple task be so hard. Oh and just forge the toddler’s signature.
Chunkymonkey13 · 05/01/2022 21:22

I don’t send thank you cards, I have better things to spend my money and time on. I know some people don’t like that opinion but everyone is different. We say thank you when you get given a gift. I don’t see why you would say it again.

We got given a thank you note from a 4 year olds party and all I could think was why? It’s such a waste and the kids don’t care.

It’s another task that will fall to a mum who already has a mental load as long as her arm.

It wouldn’t even enter my head to send a thank you note and I wouldn’t be expecting one either.

Puremule · 05/01/2022 21:30

HATE getting cards, waste of paper and only goes into landfill. Awfully unnecessary and Famous Fivey. Outdated and a little bit cringe.

I would however sent a text saying the kids loved the pressies, thank you so much.

RunRunGingerbreadMan · 05/01/2022 21:37

I've written mine today but can't get to buy stamps until the weekend. It could just be that it's still a bit soon and they haven't got round to it, or perhaps they just think they've already said thank you in person and that that will do.