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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thank yous for presents

114 replies

motherofcatsandbears · 05/01/2022 17:43

Not sure if I’m being old fashioned, but I’m feeling a bit peed off.
We have a young family living nearby and always give the little ones Christmas presents (about £15 per child).

The parents thank us when we drop the presents off, but we have never received a word of thanks, either by a little card, FB message or even a knock on the door.
I personally thank someone either by telephone, text or email as soon as I’ve opened my presents - is it now the done thing to not say a word of thanks?
I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this.

OP posts:

grapewine · 05/01/2022 19:24

They have thanked you though! This was such a minefield living in the UK as a foreigner. I'd only text if not receiving the gift in person. I just don't see why cards etc are needed if they thanked you upon receipt.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 05/01/2022 19:28

Those who think it's rude not to send thank you notes... what do you do with them once you've received them?

Wam90 · 05/01/2022 19:29

I don’t agree with the posters that are saying that you’ve been thanked already. You were thanked for the gifts when they didn’t know what was inside so I don’t think this should count as being grateful for what was received once they’d opened it.
I’m also one that will send out personalised thank you cards from the children and either ring relatives or send thank you messages for my own gifts though so maybe I’m a bit OTT.

Topseyt · 05/01/2022 19:32

It is NOT rude to not send a thank you card. It IS rude not to give a thank you at all for the gift.

I can see that the parents probably consider that you have been thanked, but as I said in my previous post, I would be encouraging my children to verbally thank you themselves the next time we encountered you in person. Or maybe text, message, whatever.

It is the parents who should be driving this. Don't punish the children if they are not.

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 05/01/2022 19:34

@girlmom21

Are people already complaining about no thank you cards? Our girls had presents from neighbours but we've been isolating since 28th. I hope people aren't slagging us off already...

I thought the same thing! I've had some thank you cards made with a photo of the kids on - only arrived today and we've written half tonight. Will do the other half tomorrow.

DappledThings · 05/01/2022 19:38

But writing a thank you card will take ALL my spare time for the day
How? I have 19 cards to write as DD's birthday is at Christmas so it's two sets. The cards arrived today. Reckon I'll get about 12 done tonight to break the back of it and rest tomorrow. How can one card take all your spare time for the day?

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 05/01/2022 19:39

I wouldn't expect a card but would expect a text when opened to say thank you. I always remember who has bought what when 2yo DD opens presents so I can say thank you for... and i'm mid 20s so I don't think it's old fashioned!

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/01/2022 19:39

It’s fine if people don’t want to send a thank you card - there is nothing wrong with a call or a text. But you need to do something!

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2022 19:41

@DappledThings

But writing a thank you card will take ALL my spare time for the day How? I have 19 cards to write as DD's birthday is at Christmas so it's two sets. The cards arrived today. Reckon I'll get about 12 done tonight to break the back of it and rest tomorrow. How can one card take all your spare time for the day?

Depends if you are doing it yourself or trying to coach children to do fingerpainted gothic lettering in rainbow colours. In my experience.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/01/2022 19:45

@ArabellaScott

I realise this isn’t relevant but this reminds me that a mother at DS’ nursery wrote Christmas cards forging her daughter’s writing in a very obvious and cringeworthy way 😬😬😬

Sux2Buthen · 05/01/2022 19:45

I'm a 'decent person' and I think thank you cards are a waste of time and resources.
My children are very polite and that's all that matters

Bellsandsnow · 05/01/2022 19:46

Why do people feel the need for cards? Such an unnecessary waste. We always message after opening gifts or send a voice note but I've never sent thank you cards. Didn't send Christmas cards either.

SomebodysMum · 05/01/2022 19:48

Maybe they don’t like your gifts but don’t want to upset you by saying so, and instead decided not to say another thank you in the hope you won’t waste your money again next year?

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2022 19:48

@Bellsandsnow

Why do people feel the need for cards? Such an unnecessary waste. We always message after opening gifts or send a voice note but I've never sent thank you cards. Didn't send Christmas cards either.

It's punishment to make sure the kids don't get too uppity about getting loads of presents.

Sux2Buthen · 05/01/2022 19:49

I feel bad for the postie. Get Christmas out of the way and then get laden down with Mumsnet thank you cards on their life's journey to the recycling bin

Looubylou · 05/01/2022 19:51

I do expect my son to say thankyou if he didn't receive the present directly from the giver. It's very hard though-he is extremely shy and won't speak on the phone, even to aunties and beloved adult cousins. It has got worse as he as got older. I wouldn't punish neighbours children, for their parents lack of effort.

Suzanne999 · 05/01/2022 19:53

This is my pet peeve. I do the two year rule. Recipient ( or their parent if a child) doesn’t thank me 2 years in a row, no more gifts.

Lizlou85 · 05/01/2022 19:55

This is a bug bare if mine too. This is our first Christmas with DD and I have thank you cards to write. Granted not done them yet but everyone will excuse a 5week old bring A little late.

Mary46 · 05/01/2022 19:57

Same here suzanne. My husb not sending anything to niece we never get a thanks. Revolut. Its just bad manners now. She in her 20s. If my kids get money they text their aunt to thank

mugoftea456 · 05/01/2022 19:58

@Suzanne999

This is my pet peeve. I do the two year rule. Recipient ( or their parent if a child) doesn’t thank me 2 years in a row, no more gifts.

I think that's so unfair to take it out on the kids.

BliainNua · 05/01/2022 20:02

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

But they said thank you when you handed over the presents.

Why do you need to be thanked twice?

My thoughts exactly. YABU because you've already been thanked.

LubaLuca · 05/01/2022 20:02

@Chely

I only send thank you text/card if a gift was not given to us directly (either by post or other family member). I find it a bit odd when others have sent thank you card for a gift they thanked me for when I gave it to them.

This. I don't want to have to keep saying "You're welcome!" There really is no need, and it makes me feel awkward. A quick thank you at the time of handing over the present is ample.

MizzFizz · 05/01/2022 20:03

Must be a UK thing... I write thank you cards for wedding and baby shower gifts and that's about it. I have never ever received a thank you card for a gift outside of those scenarios, either. Different customs for different places and people I guess.

To me, giving should have no strings attached...

Elieza · 05/01/2022 20:04

Does the family have much money?
Do they get much?

Perhaps the kids think Santa has left them the gifts? (Parents could have removed your gift tags). Hence no thank you?

If you want you could give them presents personally if you want to see their little faces light up? Just open outside during covid times though.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 05/01/2022 20:05

I always made my DD write thank you notes for Christmas and birthday presents. If she complained I said 'that if a relative had put the effort into buying you a present then the least you can do is to write a thank you note'.

When my DD became a teenager I was happy for her to text or e-mail relatives rather than write a handwritten note, with the exception of a few very elderly relatives. I think it is a nice thing to do. Although I have a couple friends whose children have never acknowledged a gift from me which makes me not put as much effort into their present.

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