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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thank yous for presents

114 replies

motherofcatsandbears · 05/01/2022 17:43

Not sure if I’m being old fashioned, but I’m feeling a bit peed off.
We have a young family living nearby and always give the little ones Christmas presents (about £15 per child).

The parents thank us when we drop the presents off, but we have never received a word of thanks, either by a little card, FB message or even a knock on the door.
I personally thank someone either by telephone, text or email as soon as I’ve opened my presents - is it now the done thing to not say a word of thanks?
I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this.

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 05/01/2022 21:46

Can’t it just be a really sweet thing that you do, that they are clearly grateful for and say thank you when presents handed over - without the need for any sort of follow up?

You would hope so. Every time these threads pop up it’s usually people seemingly wanting an extra pat on the back for doing something that no one asked them to and even when they are thanked in some way, it’s not enough. Why even give if you want a certain type of thanks instead of hoping someone has enjoyed whatever gift and leave it at that? Comes off a bit virtue signalling.

Macaroni46 · 05/01/2022 21:53

Surely you give the presents because you want to? Not because you want a particular thank you?
Personally I think it all sounds rather petty on your behalf OP.
Either give presents or don't. But all this wanting a thank you text or card etc is making it about you.
I also think the whole concept of thank you cards is tiresome and old fashioned. Never made my DC write them. They said a nice thank you at the point of receiving.

Mary46 · 05/01/2022 22:09

I send a text card no. Maybe a thank you note after a baby gift I got yes. But I hate no acknowledgement of it.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 05/01/2022 22:10

I give gifts because I want to. Not for a thank you note. No obligation to buy presents, no obligation to write letters.

I'd rather not get a gift if you're expecting me to waste time paper money on a thank you letter when I thanked you in person when you gave it.

What if it's a shit gift?

batmanladybird · 05/01/2022 22:11

@Sux2Buthen

I feel bad for the postie. Get Christmas out of the way and then get laden down with Mumsnet thank you cards on their life's journey to the recycling bin
Grin
phishy · 05/01/2022 22:15

Why are you giving them presents? It’s rude they don’t give a box of chocolates in return or something.

Tee20x · 05/01/2022 22:18

I think times change. I say thanks when I have received the item. I wouldn't then go and thank the person again - nor would I expect it in return.

I give a gift, the person thanks me, end of.

HoneyBlahBlah · 05/01/2022 23:11

@motherofcatsandbears

Not sure if I’m being old fashioned, but I’m feeling a bit peed off. We have a young family living nearby and always give the little ones Christmas presents (about £15 per child). The parents thank us when we drop the presents off, but we have never received a word of thanks, either by a little card, FB message or even a knock on the door. I personally thank someone either by telephone, text or email as soon as I’ve opened my presents - is it now the done thing to not say a word of thanks? I don’t think I will be giving them gifts any more due to this.
I don't understand. They said thank you when you dropped the gifts off, but you want them to say thank you again?

Am I reading this wrong?

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 06/01/2022 00:12

I think cards are a little old fashioned, DS is only 3 so can't write it would be me doing them or DH. He can however say thank you so we tend to video call or do a little video of him opening things so they get to see the genuine reaction and he always says thank you. I think it's nice for them to see how delighted he is. If it's an item of clothing I'll take a picture of him wearing it and send it with a thank you.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 06/01/2022 00:13

We did send thank you cards for wedding presents

TheChip · 06/01/2022 00:19

Huh? I've never received or gave a thank you card. I thought it was more an American or on TV thing.

It sounds like they thanked you when you handed the gift over. Why do you need it in writing too?

MissSingerbrains · 06/01/2022 00:41

Why are you giving gifts to a random family living nearby?

Atla · 06/01/2022 00:55

But you were thanked when you handed over the presents?

I send a thank you message to people that sent the kids presents by post, but surely a verbal thank you next time they see you would be enough? I absolutely would not expect a thank you card - waste of paper. Verbal thanks are enough.

fingersdoublecrossed · 06/01/2022 00:57

As a child, I absolutely hated having to write thank you letters. I'd rather have not had the presents at all. My mum sat with a clip board on Christmas morning, frantically trying to record what everyone received from each relative. Santa always brought us pens, pencils, paper and envelopes so that we could write our thank yous and we had to start on the 27th. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Now, as a parent myself, I will not inflict that on my child. I refuse to send formal letters but we do say thank you.
This year, as my child opened each of their presents, I took a photo of them with it and sent it via WhatsApp straight to the person with a short thank you message. Job done.

Liverbird77 · 06/01/2022 01:05

It's rude. I send thank you cards on behalf of my children, referencing the gift and how it's been played with etc.

That's the bare.minimum, and I'll be ensuring my children do their own as soon as they are old enough to write. I don't care if it's seen as old fashioned by some people, it's good manners in my book.

Our next door neighbours gave one of my children a couple of books for her birthday. One day I saw the children reading it together and making some of the noises from it. I took a quick video and sent it to them to show that their gift was genuinely appreciated.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 06/01/2022 01:05

Surely in a pandemic you can cut people a little slack? They could be isolating, or working from home while trying to care for small dc, or caring for sick or elderly relatives. Or maybe they simply see it as they already thanked you!

Lucycantdance · 06/01/2022 03:20

@Liverbird77

It's rude. I send thank you cards on behalf of my children, referencing the gift and how it's been played with etc.

That's the bare.minimum, and I'll be ensuring my children do their own as soon as they are old enough to write. I don't care if it's seen as old fashioned by some people, it's good manners in my book.

Our next door neighbours gave one of my children a couple of books for her birthday. One day I saw the children reading it together and making some of the noises from it. I took a quick video and sent it to them to show that their gift was genuinely appreciated.

Sending a video is what lots of people would do. That’s not sending a card though is it? Of course it’s not rude NOT to send a card if you have said thanks already. In fact it’s a bit OTT - we are talking about small gifts not a jet ski/pony?
Pixxie7 · 06/01/2022 04:21

To an extent I agree with other posters who have said that only sending a thank you to people who you haven’t actually seen. However I do think that basic manners are getting lost a long the way, I know children who have never actually said thank you for any gifts, whilst this is obviously up to the parents when they are little by the age of 12 it should be second nature. I just think that we are risk of bringing children up who really don’t appreciate anything.

Eliphanbee · 06/01/2022 05:30

I dont wrote thank you notes, but always try to thank someone for their gift. I am a bit annoyed at the moment, as i bought a present for my friends DD from Prime (we usually do this and address to each other)
i checked it was the right present, which was confirmed, though did not get a thank you, at any time (a generic fb thankyou to all her friends and family of that counts?)
Meanwhile, a gift was not sent for my daughter (friend had covid, so letting it slide)
She is now sending me suggestions for her DDs birthday present..I feel very annoyed, although honestly dont give to receive.. I think it's the lack of manners

PaperMonster · 06/01/2022 05:40

My ten year old writes thank you letters - just started doing them this week for Christmas presents. I get thank you texts/letters from some people but not from others. But it really doesn’t bother me as I’m not giving in order to receive thanks. I’m giving because I want to do so, so the thanks don’t matter.

Pixxie7 · 06/01/2022 05:48

all PaperMonSter@ it’s not a matter of giving to receive thanks it is basic manners, if someone does something nice for you, you thank them surely?

UnsuitableHat · 06/01/2022 06:15

I agree with you OP; there should be thanks after the gifts have been opened. I had it drummed into me as a kid, creating a good habit for later life.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 06/01/2022 06:23

@Chely

I only send thank you text/card if a gift was not given to us directly (either by post or other family member). I find it a bit odd when others have sent thank you card for a gift they thanked me for when I gave it to them.
∆∆∆∆.... ∆∆∆∆....∆∆∆∆.... ∆∆∆∆ This!
londonrach · 06/01/2022 06:28

It is rude. If someone spent the time and money getting a present you respond. Don't bother next time. Yanbu. Only time not needed is if the present is opened in front of the giver and the thanks are given then! Any other time a thank you is a polite acknowledge.

flowerycurtain · 06/01/2022 06:37

I agree with you op. My kids write thank yous. They are 6 and 7 and know they need to write thank you for the gift, something nice about it and an comment to the sender like "hope you had a fun Christmas". I think it builds good manners for life. I can forgive people changing their mode of thank you to a text,
Phone call or video.

I'm an awful stickler for this though. My godchildren knew from an early age the better the thank you notes the better the gift. The 14 year old now writes a beautiful
Chatty letter.