To let baby cry herself to sleep?

[Blackkitty]

10 months old. My partner and I have been through multiple times to try and settle her. She’ll fall asleep in my lap but wakes as soon as I transfer her into the cot. She’s had a bottle, clean bum, no temp, etc. I am exhausted. Should I shut the door and leave her to it?

Is it likely to work?

I was once in the same situation where I actually thought ds was unsafe to be awake with us in our bed while we were that tired, and put him in the cot. He still didn’t go to sleep, but was safer there than in bed with two exhausted parents.

Try it for a short period of time, then split the shift with your partner, maybe?

I'm having a nightmare with my 10 month old too! I'm currently living with in laws so DH and I are sharing a room with DD. Put her down in her cot - probably get a few hours of sleep before she wakes up screaming bloody murder. Falls asleep in my arms but when I put her into the cot she wakes up straight away. We tried the cry it out method, but she just ended up throwing up from screaming. I made the mistake of falling asleep with her in our bed (I was just so exhausted) - and that's it - she's got a taste of being cosy between Mum and Dad.

Been up with her since 3am today as I'm refusing to let her sleep in our bed.

This is such a hard phase.

We found leaving our LO to cry didn't work and just worked him up even more.

We took it in turns to stay up with him and let him sleep on us.

It's a phase and it will end eventually.

Mine are bigger now teens..

I didn't think when they were babies and still don't that there seems to be little or no middle ground with mothers and loads of things to do with babies.

What's your feeling OP? You know your baby best.

I would leave to cry but not for ages.

Babies often cry when tired. Thats s given.

Not hungry, clean nappy, comfy, goodnight cuddles done.

I used to let yell for 10 mins maybe 15 when got bigger.

If not conked out, go in cuddle etc. Did the don't turn light on wave them around etc just soothing cuddle. Bedtime night night try again.

I found that stuff really hard tbh.

You can tell if tired wail, or getting worked up and really upset I'm sure.

Listen and trust instincts imo.

I'm not a fan of the methods offered which seem to be either baby on you all the time or ignore completely!

Good luck OP.

Why can't you let her sleep with you? She just so small and needs the comfort of her mummy. If it means you all get more sleep ..?

Other thing is iirc 10 months is growth spurt time.

With bottles is it set amount or if still hungry more?

Could be genuinely hungry.

Also I imagine over tired and that is a sod to deal with.

How going?

Other option up to you contraversial-

Co sleep which in practice means you and DH end up edges bed, one getting head butted other kicked in head. But they do sleep!

Have you tried putting her to sleep in the cot so that you don't need to transfer her? I used to pull the cot right next to my bed, lie down with my daughter in the cot and put my hand on her chest, stroke her etc and it would take 20-ish minutes or so for her to fall asleep

I come from a different generation. Mine were sleeping through in their own rooms from 6 and 8 weeks respectively. (They were the worst 6 and 8 weeks of my life.) One of mine regressed and started crying at about 18 months. My husband and I decamped to a bedroom on another floor for a couple of nights and that fixed that problem. You are the parent and you are in charge. There is a no way I would let a 10 month old disturb my sleep. I am preparing to be flamed and am putting on my flameproof overalls right now.

By the way one is in medical school and the other one is at university. It obviously didn't traumatise them.

I think that, if it works though, your baby hasn't learnt to go to sleep by themselves. They've learnt that you won't come off they cry. If you're okay with knowing that once they've slept through then yeah, go ahead!

Rangoon was going to say, sure your children were aok!

Mine were in own rooms from tiny as well. Just because that's what we felt was better all round.

However I didn't let them cry and cry and cry. And did have them in our bed when 10 months or similar.

The strict polarised approaches are a huge problem. And the way the media and society judges, harshly and openly, mothers for everything to do with babies. And we all end up as seen on here getting into huge nasty fights rather than being more supportive of each other etc.

This polarised situation is totally understandable, as with the huge judgement and dire warnings all the time. And your little baby is so dependent and of course mums want to do the best thing for their babies.

It all gets into s defensive shitshow.

How can any mum who did xyz, consider even slightly that she didn't do the definite best thing for her baby?

Unlikely. And so we have this vicious mum v mum thing going on, imo fuelled and encouraged by media dickey society etc.

To keep women/ mothers unsettled, confused, defensive and lacking in confidence.

Sorry for long post, I feel strongly about this!

Ahh I couldn't do this. Mine just became more and more distraught. We put her in our bed in these nights and she slept through next to us.

I think women are people with different lives, upbringings, norms in their groups, etc.

I know that the overwhelming majority of mothers love their babies and want them to thrive etc etc.

I think that our natural individual ways we think, our instincts, as the woman who has s baby to care for that she grew in her body and birthed with Anything from ok given what involved, total shitshow.

Are being undermined with millions of outside opinions and Dire Warnings.

My personal experience is don’t do it. My first was never left to cry, my second I did because of different circumstances at the time. DH was away a lot and I had 2 kids under 2. It felt like I HAD to at the time. Then DS went through a stage of wanting to sleep with us and DH refused it because he’s quite selfish about his own sleep needs. Anyway upshot was our eldest is just a happier and calmer person. And DS isn’t. And I would feel so much better about that if I could look back and know that I met his needs in the best way I could. But I didn’t. I should have told DH to go and sleep on the spare room and I should have cuddled DS as much as I did his sister, I regret that I didn’t. So if there are two of you and one baby I would say no don’t do it, just take it in turns, DD’s sleep was excellent by the time she was about a year old, and we never had to use any form of sleep training.

Bring her into your bed & you’ll all hopefully get some sleep!

In the end we're just mammals. Too clever very successful animals. With complex societies and all sorts of pressures etc.

When it comes to babies though, it's not changed. That's as old as humans are.

Those who are vv earth mother type will follow their gut, and find 'method' that support that.

Those who are more routine people or similar, will do their thing with something that supports that.

In the end, the methods are irrelevant. The mothers find the one that fits what they pretty much would have done all the time.

The problem comes when women are so bamboozled, and desperate to do the best thing.. That they choose s method that is at odds with their nature.

We need to be more accepting of different ways, because women are people, and people are different.

And in the end. Breast bottle, cry it out or cuddle all time, all that stuff.

The children are fine. The Warnings are ott and scaremongering.

IMO.

I think if you want to try sleep training, you need an actual method to follow. That requires not being completely dead on your feet. Eg where you pick up the baby when she cries, but put down once she's quiet, or don't pick up but pat and shush her.

It's really hard. You can also try a wildcard of the baby don't stop crying but you're sure there's no simple cause like hungry, wet bum etc. Start chanting, or put on white noise, or use a light projector, or take the baby outside for a moment to look at the sky. She'll be like, what on earth? And that can reset things and stop the crying.

Mine went through a phase at that age of one bottle not being enough.
Took us ages to figure out as 'she's just been fed, why won't she sleep?'
It lasted about 2-3 weeks where she would have a bottle, not settle, and have another 45 mins ish later and then go back to sleep for the rest of the night. Maybe it's a growth spurt if they usually sleep ok?

Sorry but it's advised not to let them cry themselves to sleep as they can develop psychological problems later in life as a direct result

It's a phase and will pass on its own. This is from Sarah Ockwell Smith's book- sleep in infants by developmental age. I found it to be quite accurate.

There is a no way I would let a 10 month old disturb my sleep

I’m quite sure no one lets their child disturb their sleep for the fun of it things work for your children that won’t work for others

What about trying the Ferber method? @katkitty there is no evidence that letting your baby cry causes psychological problems.

@Rangoon

By the way one is in medical school and the other one is at university. It obviously didn't traumatise them.

I'm sure they're perfectly fine, but this comment rankles because my parents use the, 'They both went to university and have a good job' argument to suggest that their parenting methods did no harm but it's utter rubbish to suggest they're related. One of us suffers from an eating disorder (that they don't know about) and the other anxiety (that they refuse to acknowledge). You can have trauma and still get on in life- the latter doesn't indicate that the former is nonexistent.

As I said, I'm sure your kids are genuinely fine but I'd caution you not to use academic success as proof of mental well-being.

This is about the age where I started to ‘sleep train’ them.
First I laid her down in the cot and patted her back/front until she slept, I would repeatedly lie her down.
Then I progressed to patting her through the bars while I sat on the floor.
Then I just sat in the floor next to the cot, gradually moving away from the cot until I could sit outside the bedroom door.

Op could be hungry growth spurt.

That's first thing to approach. Imo.