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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let baby cry herself to sleep?

128 replies

Blackkitty · 04/01/2022 04:18

10 months old. My partner and I have been through multiple times to try and settle her. She’ll fall asleep in my lap but wakes as soon as I transfer her into the cot. She’s had a bottle, clean bum, no temp, etc. I am exhausted. Should I shut the door and leave her to it?

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 04/01/2022 06:37

Would you not bring her in bed with you? Getting up to them in their room is hell on nights like that. In your bed she might kick you in the ear a few times but at least you’re in one place and can rest your eyes.

Kfjsjdbd · 04/01/2022 06:44

@katkitty would love to hear your peer reviewed sources for that little nugget of info Hmm

Which is bullshit so there won’t be any.

KatieKat88 · 04/01/2022 06:48

@Blackkitty this age is classic sleep regression time, it will pass! For me I wouldn't CIO. Controlled crying where you go in every few minutes, yes. I had to do a mixture of that and holding DD to sleep (including last night at 2yo!) I find that she'll have phases of poor self-settling and then magically she'll be OK again one night. I like to tell myself it's when she's learning some particularly good new skills so there's a purpose to it rather than no rhyme or reason Grin

ThirdElephant · 04/01/2022 06:49

[quote Kfjsjdbd]@katkitty would love to hear your peer reviewed sources for that little nugget of info Hmm

Which is bullshit so there won’t be any.[/quote]
There are for the under six month age bracket, I believe, but not beyond. However, that's not surprising- how a kid turns out is so multi-factorial that for a single element to have a measurable and consistent impact on the older child or adult, it would have to have an incredibly profound effect. It's also not practicable to measure every possible effect, and a lot of it relies on parental self-reporting, which is limited in terms of accuracy. It's impossible to say it doesn't cause harm, and many believe it does (which makes sense, given what we know about attachment in the under twos), but you're right to say there's no definitive proof for the age bracket of OP's child and no official guidance not to use crying-based methods past six months.

Japingjaponica · 04/01/2022 06:51

I let mine cry it out, not because I wanted them to cry it out.
The process is about letting them learn how to go to sleep alone. I had four, and they all took two cried only. 1st one 45 minutes second one usually much shorter. After that, solid sleep (unless they were ill/teething etc etc).
It makes so happy baby and energetic healthy parents too.
I realise this approach is seen as unacceptable now.

EishetChayil · 04/01/2022 06:52

Would you leave an adult crying alone in a room? That's what I ask myself when I think about using the cry-it-out method.

EishetChayil · 04/01/2022 06:53

My husband and I decamped to a bedroom on another floor for a couple of nights and that fixed that problem.

This is one of the cruelest things I've read on here. I judge it massively. Awful parenting.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 04/01/2022 06:55

Did that with my last baby when he was nine months.
Fed, burped, changed and put down in his room with nightlight and partially closed door.
First night = cried two hours, slept 8 hours.
Second night - cried 45 minutes, slept 9 hours.
Third night - fussed for 10 minutes, slept 8 hours. Woke up, had a morning bottle and slept two more hours.
After the third night, no problems going to bed. Would wake and take a morning bottle and sleep another one or two hours.

StrawberrySanta · 04/01/2022 07:03

Mine is 11.5mo now and has just been poorly with an ear infection so wouldn't be put down just wanted to sleep on me. The best way I managed it was letting him fall asleep in my arms, then laying him on my bed with my arms still under him, then when he's still asleep remove my arms , then after a few mins of still asleep move him to the cot with my arms left under him, then remove after 2 mins, that worked much better than moving him from arms to cot for me

colourfulpuddles · 04/01/2022 07:07

Is this a joke? You made the choice to have a beautiful baby, and now you’re just going to shut the door on them and leave them crying and in distress? They’re a baby. They need you.

If you do this, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of attachment issues because baby isn’t being sleep trained (sleep trained babies wake the same amount), baby is being trained that nobody cares and nobody will come if they cry for comfort.

I love my baby. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t want to) teach her that. Can you?

Rubyupbeat · 04/01/2022 07:07

Aww... bring her in your bed. She wants comfort and warmth from her Mum, its natural. No way could I let my child cry because they want to be with me.

Tomlettegregg · 04/01/2022 07:11

All the people saying cry it out works, it worked for your baby. Mine is 9 months and just doesn't sleep through. We've tried everything. Sleep consultant. Rock. Shush and pat. Ferber. It doesn't work. Down tired but awake. She still wakes and cries in the night even if she doesn't want a feed. She's cried the minute you put her down since birth despite trying to get her into a good routine. Wake windows. Bath. Book. Blah blah. It doesn't work for some kids.

colourfulpuddles · 04/01/2022 07:13

@Tomlettegregg You do realise babies aren’t meant to sleep through at 9 months, right?

It’s natural and normal for babies to wake in the night until well past 1 year old and most up to 18m+.

annlee3817 · 04/01/2022 07:32

We did the pick up put down method from around 8 months, was a game changer for us, was a painful week doing it as would mean the first few nights I could be in her room for a good two hours doing the pick up put down, but by the end of the week we had got it down to thirty mins and by the end of the second week it was taking just ten, granted it wouldn't work every night at first, but even just a few good night's made a huge difference to us, and eventually she settled great after a hug or a feed

Tomlettegregg · 04/01/2022 07:34

Well you say that @colourfulpuddles but then most doctors agree babies are equipped to sleep through from 4 months. Not that they will but they can and have all the capability to. So there's a lot of mixed messages. Much like those who insist its possible from 6 weeks if you follow the right routine. Or at any point if you just persevere with controlled crying for 3 nights.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/01/2022 07:36

Strongly agree with @colourfulpuddles

hugr · 04/01/2022 07:41

@colourfulpuddles

Is this a joke? You made the choice to have a beautiful baby, and now you’re just going to shut the door on them and leave them crying and in distress? They’re a baby. They need you.

If you do this, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of attachment issues because baby isn’t being sleep trained (sleep trained babies wake the same amount), baby is being trained that nobody cares and nobody will come if they cry for comfort.

I love my baby. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t want to) teach her that. Can you?

👏👏
BurbageBrook · 04/01/2022 07:49

Why would you want to make a small baby believe that if she cries, nobody comes? Setting her up for attachment issues. Shutting the door on her…. Really? Hmm

BurbageBrook · 04/01/2022 07:50

This reply has been deleted

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BurbageBrook · 04/01/2022 07:52

@Tomlettegregg that is bullshit, ‘most’ doctors do not say that at all. Where’s your peer reviewed evidence?

Liverbird77 · 04/01/2022 07:54

You'll get so many opinions, you just have to do what you think is best.

Here's mine: co-sleeping is unsafe. I never did it. No doubt people will be on here to talk about "safe" ways to do it and the fact that they did and their kids are fine.
I think it's fine to put your fed and clean baby in a safe sleep space and let them learn to self-settle.
Obviously if they are unwell then it's a different matter.

As I say, this is just my opinion.
You decide what's best for you!

colourfulpuddles · 04/01/2022 07:56

@Tomlettegregg

Well you say that *@colourfulpuddles* but then most doctors agree babies are equipped to sleep through from 4 months. Not that they will but they can and have all the capability to. So there's a lot of mixed messages. Much like those who insist its possible from 6 weeks if you follow the right routine. Or at any point if you just persevere with controlled crying for 3 nights.
Well that’s just blatantly not true.
Darbs76 · 04/01/2022 07:57

I co-slept at that age, sleep for baby, sleep for mum.

Blossom987 · 04/01/2022 07:59

@Rangoon

By the way one is in medical school and the other one is at university. It obviously didn't traumatise them.
Academic achievement does not mean someone isn’t traumatised or has attachment issues.
aprilanne · 04/01/2022 08:03

You are not of a different generation RANGOON .my sons are older than yours I suspect but you are obviously just a bit selfish .moving rooms on a baby as not to disturb sleep. as early as 1990s they told you to sleep beside baby until at least 6 months because of cot death. So I wouldn't feel proud there at university you taught them not that you were in charge but there needs didn't matter .