To think single women in mid 30s onwards are often wrongly accused of being picky

[Starbrand]

I find this often. When you start seeing someone and dont feel they are compatible (for valid reasons, outlook on life etc) you are encouraged (often by older women) to “give it more of a go” and “no ones perfect” when you arent asking for perfection, you just dont want to waste your time or the guys?

I think women and men of all ages are accused of being picky.

Many are.

Oh absolutely. Many people strongly object to women having standards or preferences.

I think it’s perfectly valid to be picky, who wants to make do with someone incompatible when you could be happier on your own?

By my mid 30s I was a lot clearer about what I wanted. It doesn't involve men who are scruffy, unmotivated, or prone to angry outbursts. And I wouldn't stand for cheating or abusive behaviour. I don't think any of that's unreasonable or makes me "picky". Wish I'd been as clear headed in my 20s.

@AnotherMansCause hear hear!

I'd gladly wear 'picky' as a badge of honour over 'put upon, long suffering, ground down or plain old unhappy'

What age are you classing as older? I'm in my early 50's, me and my peer group wouldn't advocate settling. I don't meet anyone my age who isn't DV, EA aware and recognise that women shouldn't sacrifice anything to get a man.

This INFURIATES me.

On one hand women are too picky. But the same people will say "why doesn't she just leave" when women are being abused.

So, it's our fault for being too picky when we avoid red flags like the plague.

But when we ignore or don't recognise red flags and end up in an abusive relationship it's our fault for not leaving.

Yep just blame women, no matter what

Its actually younger women have very low standards. At 18 its enough that he's cute and likes the same music. Easy to impress and to fool.

@D0lphine yep!

Well they're not wrong, they are most likely being picky

But being picky isn't necessarily a bad thing.

The issue tends to be when the perpetually single 30 something moans about not being able to find find someone, yet wants a 6ft 9, tanned 24 year old with a 10 pack.

Yep. But I AM picky.
I’d rather never date again than end up with someone who isn’t right for me.

People who accuse women of being picky often don’t know what to do when you agree with them.

When people accuse women of any age of being picky what they are saying is:

‘I have to put up with my partner being controlling/lazy/miserable so why do you think you deserve more’

Or

‘I couldn’t be in a relationship with where I have to do more than the bare minimum, because I am lazy and entitled, so I’ll try to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you instead’

Misery loves company.

Depends how you define 'picky' though. Not entertaining lazy, misogynistic, angry entitled arses is one thing, only considering men over 6ft, with model good looks and on £150,000 a year salary is quite another. I know a few women who fell into the latter category and yes, they found themselves single most of the time.

Why shouldn’t you be picky ? Forever is a long time.

@DillonPanthersTexas see OP- valid reasons

It’s not age but people who have had a happy marriage peddling this nonsense. Older women who left after putting up shit for decades are the LAST people to advise anybody else to ‘settle’.

Or also women who had no prospects anyway…

@TractorAndHeadphones yep lots of happily married women saying -you are too picky. Have no idea what its like to be dating

@AnotherMansCause completely agree. I met my husband when I was in my early 20s. I am much more clear headed in my 30s and wish I’d been much more picky.

[quote Theendisnow]@AnotherMansCause completely agree. I met my husband when I was in my early 20s. I am much more clear headed in my 30s and wish I’d been much more picky.[/quote]
Interested what you would have been more picky about.

Yes. I’ve been told this repeatedly and it’s stung more since I’ve been cheated on and I’m rightfully more cautious.

If I lined up photos of my exes you’d all agree I’m not picky nor shallow. I like blokes for their brains more than their bodies.

The only non negotiables I have are smokers- ex smoker myself, I don’t want to go back to it.
And obese- I am overweight but working on it and some of it will be aspiring to the life I want but another part is sex with obese men just isn’t that good for me. If they’re on a weight loss journey though, cool. They’d be considered. I have dated big blokes and I was left frustrated with limited bedroom activities

My must be the right bloke to consider is men with DC younger than my own. I don’t want to date a man with primary school kids. First up they require a shit ton of attention and prompting. Secondly, any family based activities would have to cater to the youngest not the eldest and that’s going to severely limit what I want to get from life and what I’d like to do with DC. Plus if it were serious that extra years added on before I’m free of child responsibilities. Right now I’ve got 18-24 mths before DC can be left overnight.

If that makes me picky then fine 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll at least be happier than frustrated and bored.

Patriarchy does not like a woman who says no, that is the beginning and end of it.

Like ‘picky’ is a bad thing?!

I was much pickier in my 30s as I knew exactly what I didn’t want. I’d been a complete mug in my 20s. Now very happily married with 2 DC.