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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you protect your son?

111 replies

Christmascardsontheshelf · 02/01/2022 05:47

I was thinking about the queen and Prince Andrew.
I think he is guilty, but I do feel bad for the Queen.
It reminded me of desperate housewives when Bree / Brie (How do you spell it when its a name?)
protects her son, Andrew (Shock) when he runs over and kills a neighbours mother.

I was thinking about it and I don't know if I could let my son go to prison, especially if he was a Prince. But then again, I don't think my own sons would be pervy, rapey men when they're older, but who knows!
I would probably protect my children if they accidentally killed someone, but if they were raping girls in a big sex gang I think I'd be disgusted enough to let them face the music. But then if they told me they didn't know and it was all a misunderstanding, then I know I'd want to believe them and I probably would clutch at any straw i could.

So aibu?
YABU - I wouldn't protect my adult child if I had the means
YANBU - I would protect them.

Disclaimer- I am not the parent of an adult, I don't know yet how the relationship grows from parent + child to parent + adult

Also I don't support Prince Andrew in anyway, I just know I'm not perfect and I don't blame the Queen for burying her head in the sand.

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 02/01/2022 06:06

If PA has spoken to The Queen about this ( which I doubt, to be honest), he would have given her the same line as he spouted in that ghastly TV interview. " I wasn't there, I don't know her, I was at Pizza Express that night ". And he'd tell her that this woman is trying to bring him down , and that he needs help. And his mother will support him because she believes him.

From what I've read, the Royal Family are not good at having deep and meaningful talks about their private lives . The Queen loves him and she wouldn't want to go into any unpleasant details. If anything she would probably tell him to go and talk to the family lawyers and leave it at that.

ShippingNews · 02/01/2022 06:15

Sorry, I didn't vote. I've got an adult son and I'd always support him, even if he did a really bad crime like murder. I'd get him a lawyer, and I'd be telling the press what a good boy he has always been, lol. So YANBU.

dashoflime · 02/01/2022 06:24

Psychopathy runs in my family and I have a few male relatives who are violent and/or criminal.
So this is a genuine issue for me that I thought about for real before I had kids.
I think it's fine to keep loving them. And to support them. That's what Mum's are for. The relationship doesn't go away because the child has done terrible things.
But, with some people it just isn't possible to have that relationship safely in the outside world.
So, I would not try to prevent my son going to prison. I would send money, letters treats etc. I would visit. I would let the prison system do its job of allowing me to have that supportive mother/son relationship in a way that's safe for me and for others in society.
Luckily neither kid shows signs so far.

EveningOverRooftops · 02/01/2022 08:21

I have a teen and I’ve told them over and over again if they do something so wrong like that they would be punished. They’d have to be and yes I would turn them in for rape or murder or serious crimes.

I’d have no problem doing that because my role as a mother is to protect my child from harm and as an extension make sure my child doesn’t harm others. Turning them in would come under that.

I’d have difficulty maintaining a relationship with some crimes over others though. I’d struggle due to my own history.

Ponoka7 · 02/01/2022 08:33

This isn't about protecting Andrew, it's about protecting the special status of being a royal. If you watch the history programme on Buckingham Palace and 'the firm', every decision, including ignoring the pleas for help from Nicholas II of Russia and the change of name is about making sure that the Royal family continues in the way that it alway has, rather than the way that the royal families in other countries have gone.
On another note, someone from the Queen's generation wouldn't think of the girls as being that young and would apportion some blame towards them.

Ponoka7 · 02/01/2022 08:36

@ShippingNews, would you do that if children were involved? Could you lol in the face of a bereaved mother?

I would ignore criminal activity and support my children, unless it was a sex crime or children. Then I'd give minimum support.

MintJulia · 02/01/2022 09:13

Given the circumstances, I would be bending my son's ear in private about being so stupid as to have associated with someone who was clearly an unpleasant person. I would be very angry. In public I hope I would be as calm as she has been.

PA has not been found guilty of any criminal offence. As far as I know, no legal evidence has emerged that he had relationships of any kind with under age girls, and no evidence that he knew anything criminal was happening. The laws of England and Wales are based on the presumption of innocence until proven guilty, and she will stick to that.

Over the years the Queen has had to put up with hundreds of ridiculous rumours, and has done so calmly. She has the sense to ignore the innuendo, gossip and activities of the gutter press.

She will not change her stance unless PA is found guilty of something. In the same circumstances, I hope I would act in the same way.

miltonj · 02/01/2022 09:45

Not if he was a peadophile or sex offender no.

Also why would you especially not let him go to prison because he was a prince?

EnterFunnyNameHere · 02/01/2022 10:54

I 9ften think that maybe ut cones down to faith/belief of innocence. As in, parents "protecting" their criminal (or whatever) children isn't a situation of protecting their child who is a rapist (or whatever), its a belief they are wrongfully accused.

E.g. unable to believe their child has done the crime, not being forgiving of the crime itself? It's an interesting question though!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/01/2022 10:56

I'd like to say no, but it's easy to say when you've never been in that situation.

RantyAunty · 02/01/2022 10:57

I've been through a situation where my son was facing a lot of prison time but not for an offense like mentioned. There were no victims. US laws like to pile on charges.

So what did I do? I paid off the prosecutor and judge. It cost me £50,000 and it was worth it.
That said, my son hasn't been in any kind of trouble since.

HunterGatherer · 02/01/2022 13:08

No. I absolutely wouldn't protect them and they have always known this. Neither would their father.
I have lost so much respect for the Queen over this.
Like Arthur Miller said "All my sons".
We have a duty to protect each and every citizen, not just those we are related to.
He is an absolute disgrace and seems as thick as pig shit too.

Darbs76 · 02/01/2022 13:12

Does depend what they have done but most likely I’d support them yes

thebear1 · 02/01/2022 13:13

I have 2 boys, if they commit a crime i would not try to stop them having to face the consequences but I would support them with the process, so help them with a lawyer, visit in prison etc. If I believed them to be innocent I don't know what I would do but I wouldn't commit a crime myself to try and get them out of the situation .

Theunamedcat · 02/01/2022 13:17

My ex mil supports her son through csa and rape allegations even traffic violation gets a pass as he forgot to pay/couldn't afford it because he was paying his ex wife "thousands" in child support (he really wasnt) she will openly blame everyone else but her son having children myself I can see you need to work hard on some children to teach them "this is what I've done I am responsible" some children take longer than others to learn and privileged children have more people to blame

SuspiciousHumanoid · 02/01/2022 13:21

I would hope I’d raised my son better than that, so no, I wouldn’t. He knows where I stand.

MuchTooTired · 02/01/2022 13:34

I don’t have adult children, mine are only 4 (nearly!) but it would have to be a really horrific crime for me to not protect them I think. I’ve reported family before and the spiral in their life afterwards for the crime committed probably wasn’t worth it and I wish in many ways I’d put up with it.

I can’t imagine turning my back on my sweet little boy who follows me around chatting non stop and saying how much he loves me.

Ilove7UP · 02/01/2022 13:34

I would imagine that the Queen has seen all manner of similar behaviour from various members of the Royal family sweeped under the carpet before now. I also think the Royal family is a lot more tolerant of behaviour us commoners wouldn't accept. When it came out that Charles and Andrew had affairs, I think the royals were surprised at the moral outrage. To the royals, having mistresses and illegitimate children was probably still is the done thing.

At the end of the day, he's not been convicted of anything yet. Innocent until proven guilty and all that. So she is perfectly entitled to stand by him. What doesn't look so good is his blatant attempts to use his wealth and status to make the problem go away. He should be saying he will prove his innocence in court and all of that.

Lacedwithgrace · 02/01/2022 13:38

Not a chance. PA is guilty as fuck and Lizzie should hand him over, son or not.

Tee20x · 02/01/2022 13:47

I think it depends what it is & circumstances. One of those one punch drunken brawls that results in someone's death is very different from someone who has planned someone's murder IMO. So if it were something like the former, genuine mistake then yeah I'd be more likely to. Anything more calculated then no.

GrendelsGrandma · 02/01/2022 13:50

Royals have seen it as their right to take their pleasures with young women since time immemorial, with the odd pay off if things get hairy. I'm sure the women have always been vulnerable and had tough starts in life.

Prince Andrew just got caught out by a change in attitude to this kind of thing. I imagine the queen feels sorry for him as he's done the same kind of stuff that all the men in her life have done, with varying levels of indiscretion.

Theunamedcat · 02/01/2022 14:41

@Lacedwithgrace

Not a chance. PA is guilty as fuck and Lizzie should hand him over, son or not.
He is a grown man she can't just hand him over like he is a tea towel 🙄
Skeumorph · 02/01/2022 15:00

To be fair, a tea towel would be more likely to have the brains and derring-do to escape before it came to that

itsgettingweird · 02/01/2022 15:13

I'd support my son through anything.

But I wouldn't lie for him. Especially not over something so serious as rape or murder.

Siameasy · 02/01/2022 16:18

I wouldn’t protect him he would have to face the consequences but he would still be my son