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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you protect your son?

111 replies

Christmascardsontheshelf · 02/01/2022 05:47

I was thinking about the queen and Prince Andrew.
I think he is guilty, but I do feel bad for the Queen.
It reminded me of desperate housewives when Bree / Brie (How do you spell it when its a name?)
protects her son, Andrew (Shock) when he runs over and kills a neighbours mother.

I was thinking about it and I don't know if I could let my son go to prison, especially if he was a Prince. But then again, I don't think my own sons would be pervy, rapey men when they're older, but who knows!
I would probably protect my children if they accidentally killed someone, but if they were raping girls in a big sex gang I think I'd be disgusted enough to let them face the music. But then if they told me they didn't know and it was all a misunderstanding, then I know I'd want to believe them and I probably would clutch at any straw i could.

So aibu?
YABU - I wouldn't protect my adult child if I had the means
YANBU - I would protect them.

Disclaimer- I am not the parent of an adult, I don't know yet how the relationship grows from parent + child to parent + adult

Also I don't support Prince Andrew in anyway, I just know I'm not perfect and I don't blame the Queen for burying her head in the sand.

OP posts:
stopthatsnooze · 02/01/2022 19:50

I think it proves @TedMullins that everybody is capable of practising double standards. Everybody.

EveningOverRooftops · 02/01/2022 19:54

@TedMullins

There’s a sad irony in this thread when there are sadly often others from women who were abused as children and had their mother stand by the abuser, or people with a paedo in the family that everyone is inexplicably standing by. The venom those supporters/bystanders receive on other threads doesn’t really tally here with people saying they’d stand by them if it was their son. Disclaimer, I don’t have an adult son, but no, I do not think I’d stand by them in any way. Without giving too many details there was a time I had suspicions about another close relative and I went NC. I don’t think my suspicions were founded but I was disturbed enough not to want to talk to them again and wouldn’t have hesitated to go to the police if any evidence had arisen.
Same. An ex friend of mine. He stood by his pedophile father, refused to even look at news reports and properly buried his head in the sand.

My ex friend was no way safe to be around children or even have children because he refused to face fact his father IS a pedophile, convicted and on sex offenders register for several years crime picked up early so still major potential for crimes to escalate.

Despite me trying to explain his behaviour is what lead to my step father being allowed to carry on with his abuse. That allowed a medical professional sexually assault me. The don’t look, don’t question, don’t speak environment he was creating was an abusers paradise.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 02/01/2022 19:57

I have received great support from many on here. More than irl. Honestly I hope nobody is ever in my shoes.

SalveVagina · 02/01/2022 20:00

I have adult sons and worship the ground they walk on. They are gods. However, I would do my best to support them in that situation, but still couldn't bring myself to lie for them or help them to evade justice if they had committed a truly vile crime that affected another mother's child. This would be very, very clear to them. I would also wonder where I had gone wrong in that situation. As for the poster (whose name I can't remember) who ended their post with "lol": I have no words for this.

StoneofDestiny · 02/01/2022 20:05

I don't feel sorry for the Queen. She is sticking two fingers up to legal investigators using royal wealth (ie the public purse) and power to prevent him even giving evidence as a witness to child trafficking. Doesn't get much worse than that. Sick of hearing about the queen's faultless reign.

LightSpeeds · 02/01/2022 20:09

@DynamiteFilledRadish

What a horrifying read this thread is. Compare it to the lavicious threads about a woman who has committed any sort of crime. The abuse these women receive from posters on here. Then this thread. People admitting yes I'd lie and protect my rapist child abusing son. Horrifying.
Ditto the above.

The number of people on here who would protect their rapist/paedophile sons is shocking. Do you also sympathise when someone here posts that they've been raped, or are a victim of DV, or their partner has abused their kids?

GettingItOutThere · 02/01/2022 20:10

not as a sex offender or paedo no.

I would support for other things, but meaning support through punishment e.g murder/gbh in circumstances.

However, if he killed someone say in self defence or killed to protect his family I would bring the shovel and support 100%

Almostwelsh · 02/01/2022 20:13

I wouldn't hand my son over to a US justice system, no. Not if I could prevent it. I really don't trust them.

StoneofDestiny · 02/01/2022 20:13

I think the media is not as hard on Prince Andrew as they could be and I think to an extent this is out of respect for the Queen

So much for an independent press!

Justice is meant to be without fear or favour. The favourable treatment Andrew is getting would not be available to anybody else. It stinks.

In fact these last few years the Royals and Johnson's government have taught us all that the law can be broken with impunity.

Saddmnamechange · 02/01/2022 20:15

Not derailing but try getting one of your dc arrested to save another...
And sleeping nights even though there was no choice.
Sad
Wonder what HRH would do then?

Devilmakes3 · 02/01/2022 20:17

My parent have protected their paedophile raping son after his horrific sexual abuse of his sisters. You too could win a prize and be just like them and be the absolute scum of the fucking Earth and a failed human being just like them.

I’m sorry if your fun little thought exercise has actual humans at the end of it who you want to protect your darling little sons from facing up to.

Obviously I’m going to block this post now because it is nasty and triggering AF.

StoneofDestiny · 02/01/2022 20:19

The number of people on here who would protect their rapist/paedophile sons is shocking. Do you also sympathise when someone here posts that they've been raped, or are a victim of DV, or their partner has abused their kids?

Yes - and I'm a mother of sons too.
We all need to stand consistently against perpetrators of vile abuse - or we are saying the law should only apply to some of us.

LondonQueen · 02/01/2022 20:27

Accidental killing eg running someone over, yes I probably would protect both my son and daughter. Rape/sexual crimes, absolutely not, they can face the music and I would probably have to disown them.

Maddiemoosmum0203 · 02/01/2022 20:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Essexmate · 02/01/2022 20:57

I’m honestly shocked at some of the responses on here. I could never support a rapist son let alone cover up/help them avoid trouble. You hurt someone intentionally, you’re on your own.

That said, I’d like to think I am raising my kids to be decent humans

Lolamento · 02/01/2022 21:00

Out of the man that surrounded JE why is only PA being prosecuted? What about Clinton and all of those involved?

PGSTesting123 · 02/01/2022 21:03

@RantyAunty

I've been through a situation where my son was facing a lot of prison time but not for an offense like mentioned. There were no victims. US laws like to pile on charges.

So what did I do? I paid off the prosecutor and judge. It cost me £50,000 and it was worth it.
That said, my son hasn't been in any kind of trouble since.

10:57RantyAunty Which country was that in?
Emerald5hamrock · 02/01/2022 21:04

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage That took courage, I'd do the same.
I have seen and heard unthinkable things local lads have done where the family will attempt to cover it up or stand by them sympathetically.

Thatsplentyjack · 02/01/2022 21:05

Actually murder, maybe, it would depend on the circumstances. Crimes against children, absolutely not, they would be on their own. I would greive the child I had raised, but ultimately I would disown them.

NichyNoo · 02/01/2022 21:06

It’s tricky - if my son said he had sex with a 17 year old woman who verbally consented and smiled in photos then I would probably believe him. And therein lies the crux of the Andrew problem. The woman was over the age of consent in UK law and you could conceivably believe that he didn’t know she was trafficked/coerced. Do they prosecute every man who visits a prostitute who has been trafficked? No they don’t because the man can say he reasonably had no idea she was trafficked. They prosecute trafficker.

JohnSmithDrive · 02/01/2022 21:14

I think in the Queen's shoes I'd either have convinced myself that it couldn't possibly be true/ he'd done nothing wrong (the women were of ag, this is how royal men have always behaved) or I'd feel a lot of guilt that I'd given him the upbringing and background to be so entitled and have such a sense of being untouchable and no responsibility for his actions.

The Queen has known about her "Playboy Prince" for years, so she much have condoned this behaviour from her favourite son, to an extent at least.

Therefore, I don't think it's surprising that she'll do what she can to keep him out of prison. If I had her wealth I'd be using it to get him the best possible defence, for example. I'd like to think I wouldn't do anything unethical using my position though.

JohnSmithDrive · 02/01/2022 21:15

@Lolamento

Out of the man that surrounded JE why is only PA being prosecuted? What about Clinton and all of those involved?
He isn't being prosecuted, he's being sued
thinkbiglittkeone · 02/01/2022 21:16

My mum always told my brother, if he did anything that warranted the police coming for him, they could have him.
We absolutely believed if we did wrong we accepted the consequences of that.

I will raise my son to believe I would do the same. Depending on the crime, I think it may depend, but violence or anything kids related I just couldn't help him go free.
Saying that I hate thieves so he would need to take responsibility for that also, so yes maybe, I really would make him face the time for anything.

Nanny0gg · 02/01/2022 21:16

@NichyNoo

It’s tricky - if my son said he had sex with a 17 year old woman who verbally consented and smiled in photos then I would probably believe him. And therein lies the crux of the Andrew problem. The woman was over the age of consent in UK law and you could conceivably believe that he didn’t know she was trafficked/coerced. Do they prosecute every man who visits a prostitute who has been trafficked? No they don’t because the man can say he reasonably had no idea she was trafficked. They prosecute trafficker.
He was in a position of power (an actual prince!) and considerably older.

It's hardly the same as a couple of teenagers having sex.

NichyNoo · 02/01/2022 21:21

@Nanny0gg yes but surely in your life you have had sex with a man who was older or who was more powerful than you? I slept with a 36 year old when I was 18, I’ve slept with a man who was rich when I was a poor student. As much as I’m a radical feminist, you cannot expect men to ask for proof of socio-economic status as part of obtaining consent. Otherwise Prince William could be said to have taken advantage of Kate at uni as he was a prince and thus more powerful than her?!

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