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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you protect your son?

111 replies

Christmascardsontheshelf · 02/01/2022 05:47

I was thinking about the queen and Prince Andrew.
I think he is guilty, but I do feel bad for the Queen.
It reminded me of desperate housewives when Bree / Brie (How do you spell it when its a name?)
protects her son, Andrew (Shock) when he runs over and kills a neighbours mother.

I was thinking about it and I don't know if I could let my son go to prison, especially if he was a Prince. But then again, I don't think my own sons would be pervy, rapey men when they're older, but who knows!
I would probably protect my children if they accidentally killed someone, but if they were raping girls in a big sex gang I think I'd be disgusted enough to let them face the music. But then if they told me they didn't know and it was all a misunderstanding, then I know I'd want to believe them and I probably would clutch at any straw i could.

So aibu?
YABU - I wouldn't protect my adult child if I had the means
YANBU - I would protect them.

Disclaimer- I am not the parent of an adult, I don't know yet how the relationship grows from parent + child to parent + adult

Also I don't support Prince Andrew in anyway, I just know I'm not perfect and I don't blame the Queen for burying her head in the sand.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/01/2022 16:55

If my son committed any form of rape/sexual assault or murder I would absolutely not support him.

I would be devastated but horrified and I couldn't stand by those sorts of crime

Houseofmirth66 · 02/01/2022 16:55

I’d probably lie to protect my son. I’d feel devastated but I’d do it anyway.

AuntMasha · 02/01/2022 17:07

I don’t have children but I would never, absolutely never protect a close relative if they had abused a child or teen. I know how CSA affects individuals and I know how it impacts their future lives. For many it’s a life sentence. Blood is not thicker than water afaic.

ChrimboGateauxCatto · 02/01/2022 17:49

There is supporting and the lying/protecting. The first I would do the second I would not.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 02/01/2022 17:50

One of my dc committed a terrible crime. I was the one who rang 999.
Sad

HacerSonarSusPasos · 02/01/2022 17:53

@ShippingNews

Sorry, I didn't vote. I've got an adult son and I'd always support him, even if he did a really bad crime like murder. I'd get him a lawyer, and I'd be telling the press what a good boy he has always been, lol. So YANBU.
You would you be ok with knowing that if you covered for them and then they went and committed another murder/rape it would be equally your fault?
Luredbyapomegranate · 02/01/2022 17:59

I’d imagine she’s now retired from head of the family activities so she’d leave stiff words to Charles, who has probably had them.

But no I wouldn’t expect them to actively throw him to the wolves - the man is generally acknowledged to be a fucking idiot, he’s been removed from public life, and I think that a) the RF’s long survival is down to protecting their own and b) they wouldn’t perceive the girl accusing him of being underage, so they’d view his behaviour as immoral, but not illegal.

Justkeeppedaling · 02/01/2022 18:18

Of course I'd support my child, no matter what they did. My love for my children is unconditional.

They may disappoint me, or make me sad or angry, but I will always love and support them.

Even if I knew they were guilty, I would support them in trying to get a fair trial, and the best outcome even if found guilty.

I might be so sad and cross at what they had done that I would buy them a small house of their own away from society if I could afford it, but I would always love and support them.

Emerald5hamrock · 02/01/2022 18:21

No definitely not, he'll be well aware of this before adulthood.

IncompleteSenten · 02/01/2022 18:22

If my son committed a despicable crime then no I would not do anything to help him avoid justice. In fact, if I knew he had committed a revolting crime I would report him.

I would support him through his sentencing and punishment but I would not protect him from the consequences of his actions

Tania64 · 02/01/2022 18:27

So you think that it is more important to protect him from going to prison because he is a prince? Why? Do you think that the so called 'royals' are better/ more worthy than the rest of us??

Abhannmor · 02/01/2022 18:30

@HunterGatherer

No. I absolutely wouldn't protect them and they have always known this. Neither would their father. I have lost so much respect for the Queen over this. Like Arthur Miller said "All my sons". We have a duty to protect each and every citizen, not just those we are related to. He is an absolute disgrace and seems as thick as pig shit too.
He never seemed too bright tbh. Yet was QE2s favourite. Perhaps that is his best line of defence : I didn't realise trafficking girls was illegal or wrong cos I'm not playing from a full deck yer honour.
Prescottdanni123 · 02/01/2022 18:33

A lot of people on here assuming that the Queen knows that Andrew is guilty. For all we know, she may genuinely believe that he is innocent.

Nanny0gg · 02/01/2022 18:41

@Justkeeppedaling

Of course I'd support my child, no matter what they did. My love for my children is unconditional.

They may disappoint me, or make me sad or angry, but I will always love and support them.

Even if I knew they were guilty, I would support them in trying to get a fair trial, and the best outcome even if found guilty.

I might be so sad and cross at what they had done that I would buy them a small house of their own away from society if I could afford it, but I would always love and support them.

'Sad or cross'???
QueeniesCroft · 02/01/2022 18:58

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

One of my dc committed a terrible crime. I was the one who rang 999. Sad
That must have been unbelievably hard for you, but I think it was a very brave decision.
DomPom47 · 02/01/2022 19:00

I think the media is not as hard on Prince Andrew as they could be and I think to an extent this is out of respect for the Queen. If the Queen were to pass away I think Prince Charles and Prince William would take away his title and have him
out of the picture even more. I think Prince Andrew will try to get back into the front line when the Queen passes away but will fail.

QueeniesCroft · 02/01/2022 19:00

@Prescottdanni123

A lot of people on here assuming that the Queen knows that Andrew is guilty. For all we know, she may genuinely believe that he is innocent.
I think he believes that he is innocent, probably because he believes that anything he does must necessarily be right, because he did it!
Porcupineintherough · 02/01/2022 19:05

I dont think I'd disown one of my dsons, no matter what they did. But I wouldnt shield them from the consequences of their actions, or from the law.

DynamiteFilledRadish · 02/01/2022 19:13

What a horrifying read this thread is. Compare it to the lavicious threads about a woman who has committed any sort of crime. The abuse these women receive from posters on here. Then this thread. People admitting yes I'd lie and protect my rapist child abusing son. Horrifying.

Livpool · 02/01/2022 19:32

@SuspiciousHumanoid

I would hope I’d raised my son better than that, so no, I wouldn’t. He knows where I stand.
Same!
Livpool · 02/01/2022 19:35

Agree @DynamiteFilledRadish

I always think of the poor family of Rhys Jones and the vile killer's family who lied through their teeth. Disgusting

Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2022 19:45

Supporting your child is not the same as condoning their behaviour. If I knew my child had committed a very serious crime I wouldn't lie to them but I would try to support them through the legal process

Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2022 19:46
  • wouldn't lie for them
TedMullins · 02/01/2022 19:48

There’s a sad irony in this thread when there are sadly often others from women who were abused as children and had their mother stand by the abuser, or people with a paedo in the family that everyone is inexplicably standing by. The venom those supporters/bystanders receive on other threads doesn’t really tally here with people saying they’d stand by them if it was their son. Disclaimer, I don’t have an adult son, but no, I do not think I’d stand by them in any way. Without giving too many details there was a time I had suspicions about another close relative and I went NC. I don’t think my suspicions were founded but I was disturbed enough not to want to talk to them again and wouldn’t have hesitated to go to the police if any evidence had arisen.

Catfox1 · 02/01/2022 19:49

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage you are a great Mum for doing that don’t be hard on yourself ❤️