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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is overstepping boundaries with my family

109 replies

Singingtherapy · 01/01/2022 23:00

One of my closest friends is someone I've known since primary school, we're now in our 50s. She's lovely and we're incredibly close. But the one thing she does that seriously winds me up is treating my family as her own friends, independently of me. Two recent examples.

  1. a few months ago she was at my house at the same time as my mum. My mum mentioned that she and my dad were getting tickets to a show at a local theatre and suggested we all go. I said I couldn't as I had other arrangements so that was the end of the conversation. Then a few days later my friend texted me to say that she was going to the show with my mum and her own mum. She'd called my mum and arranged for them to all go together.
  2. She thought my brother might be the best person to help her with a project she was doing at work. He does similar work to her. Again she just randomly texted me to say she had called him and arranged to take him out for lunch to discuss it. She knew him years ago but they're not in contact. AIBU to think that socialising with the immediate family of your close friends should only happen if the friend is included?
OP posts:
Schmoozer · 01/01/2022 23:03

You are incredibly close, known each other 40+ years, she’s lovely -
She practically is family - you are being daft

purplecup · 01/01/2022 23:04

My best friend socialises with my parents without me and it doesn't bother me. X

autumncrisp · 01/01/2022 23:04

YABU. You said you're very close and have known eachother for years. From that she'd have known your family for years too so they'd be familiarto her. Why does it matter if she's doing things with them separately to you?

notacooldad · 01/01/2022 23:05

If you've known each other as long as you say I really cant see the problem. It's quite a normal thing in my circles for friends to associate with extended family .members.
What's your issue with it.

SparklingLime · 01/01/2022 23:06

YABU, you sound very rigid.

Hermanfromguesswho · 01/01/2022 23:06

It’s really normal. Your reaction is probably the oddest thing here (meant kindly!)

Beebababadabo · 01/01/2022 23:07

Confused yabu

PinkiOcelot · 01/01/2022 23:07

I don’t see the problem tbh.

Holly60 · 01/01/2022 23:07

YABU. She sees herself as family, which is lovely. My best friend would do the same.

Doorawakens · 01/01/2022 23:07

What!! She is family. I am lucky to have 2 friends like this too - we've known each other all our lives and i dont see the lines you've described. I think of their kids like i would my own too and would do pretty much anything for them if need be.

You need to give your head a wobble Smile

SallyWD · 01/01/2022 23:08

I think it's lovely to be honest. I'm very close to family members of friends. I've known them more than 40 years. I feel like they're family to me! You sound a bit territorial.

SouthOfFrance · 01/01/2022 23:08

Is this some kind of reverse thread?

Wandda · 01/01/2022 23:08

You’re being ridiculous

OverByYer · 01/01/2022 23:09

She sounds normal, she's not trying to usurp your position in the family. She is behaving as a close family friend and totally appropriate , you seem a bit envious?

ScrumptiousBears · 01/01/2022 23:09

I wouldn't have any issues with these examples.

MrzClaus · 01/01/2022 23:09

YABU

You don't "own" your family - I'm sure they're perfectly capable of saying no if they didn't want to do these things.

Why shouldn't she meet up with your mum and her mum and do something they enjoy? If your brother and her are in the same field should she really involve you in work talk?

oknowimscared · 01/01/2022 23:10

YABU - close friends are family. What’s your concern?

MrMistoffee · 01/01/2022 23:10

That's completely normal. Your reaction isn't.

BurntO · 01/01/2022 23:10

I think you’re being weird tbh. She is a person in her own right, with her own relationships with everyone she meets regardless if that initial contact was through you or not. Surely after all those years she’s like family

MichelleScarn · 01/01/2022 23:11

So you can't do something, your friend can has your mum's details asks if she wants to go, she does, they do.
Your brother and your friend work similar field, she's got his number, has called him, they've made plans...

4intheCorner · 01/01/2022 23:12

I think YABU. You've know each other since primary school and have grown up together with each others family in your lives. Sounds like a lovely friendship 😊

Mybalconyiscracking · 01/01/2022 23:12

Are you jealous OP?
It’s not as if someone can steal your family from you?

KarmaStar · 01/01/2022 23:12

You don't own her nor can you control her.
Your post says a lot more about you than your friend.
Yes,yabvu.

MojoMoon · 01/01/2022 23:12

What are you actually upset about?

Do you think your mum and brother will prefer her over you?!

Or she will prefer hanging out with them instead of you?

I think it seems quite thoughtful that she called your mum! Maybe she thought her mum would enjoy your mum's company as well?

The bit with your brother sounds like a work meeting. Not sure why you would want to be invovled

Blondebakingmumma · 01/01/2022 23:13

Seems ok to me 🤷‍♀️