To think my friend is overstepping boundaries with my family

[Singingtherapy]

One of my closest friends is someone I've known since primary school, we're now in our 50s. She's lovely and we're incredibly close. But the one thing she does that seriously winds me up is treating my family as her own friends, independently of me. Two recent examples.

1. a few months ago she was at my house at the same time as my mum. My mum mentioned that she and my dad were getting tickets to a show at a local theatre and suggested we all go. I said I couldn't as I had other arrangements so that was the end of the conversation. Then a few days later my friend texted me to say that she was going to the show with my mum and her own mum. She'd called my mum and arranged for them to all go together.
2. She thought my brother might be the best person to help her with a project she was doing at work. He does similar work to her. Again she just randomly texted me to say she had called him and arranged to take him out for lunch to discuss it. She knew him years ago but they're not in contact. AIBU to think that socialising with the immediate family of your close friends should only happen if the friend is included?

I don’t think either of the examples you gave are remotely strange, YABU

Are you envious or what? Feeling laft out? But you were invited!
Wouldn't want a friend like you, sorry.

Yab soooo u.

Someone I had known for so many decades would be treated like family anyway.

What's the issue here? I don't understand it at all.

Someone my family trusts to be my mate for 40 years, is someone I would trust too.

Left out *

You sound very jealous. I remember feeling like that with my own mum too. When I was 5.

Your number one example of her overstepping boundaries is that she arranged to go to a show with your mum (who she’s known for 40-odd years) and her own mum because you couldn’t make it? Seriously? YABU.

@Singingtherapy

Ok happy to accept iabu. Will sort my insecurities out.

What do you think makes you feel insecure about your best friend having friendships with members of your family?

YABU why is it upsetting you do you think?

YABU. Those two things are incredibly minor and easy to see how they came about. Relax.

This is so bizarre- your reaction I mean. My close friends, especially the ones I grew up with, all have a relationship with my parents- and a few, even with my grandparents! I moved abroad fifteen years ago and many of my childhood friends STILL catch up with my family. I love it!!!!!

You don't own your family or your friend, or get to control the friendship between them. Are you serious?

Absolutely nothing you have said would bother me.

She has known them since she was a child and you think there needs to be a glass wall between her and your family?

If she were a brand new friend this would bother me and I'd find it overbearing and a bit weird, maybe even creepy.

But after all these years of being friends, it's quite acceptable. If your parents and brother didn't want to spend time with her, they would find ways of letting her know.

You are being completely weird and mean spirited, your family clearly know her well and want to work/socialise with her. That’s between them and her, and is not your business, but I can’t understand why you have a problem with it. It reflects badly on you.

Unless she's putting your family on the spot because she isn't actually welcome, and they don't know how to say "No." to her, YABU.

What is it that bothers you OP? Just trying to better understand what you’re concerned about. Is it that you feel she’s leaving you out?

This is part and parcel of friendship/ community.

Not in my family it’s not,

OP, I am with you on the theatre tickets thing. If your mum had wanted her to go, she would have asked her directly, which doesn’t sound like what happened. The number of posters who thought this was normal astounds me. 😳

YABU she's taking your brother for lunch as a thank you for the help he's going to be giving her. What would be the point in you going?

Would you rather your Mum missed the show because you can't go rather than going with them

You're being ridiculous. For someone who's been a friend all those years, her behaviour is perfectly normal. Yours isn't

YABU it sounds like your jealous of your friend? She hasn't done anything wrong she's known them as long as she's known you

Sounds perfectly normal, I am good friends with people I met at school ... we are all in our 60s - my DM is in her late 80s, she has known these friends all her life, she has recently been widowed and 'my' friends have been a real comfort to her ... I am delighted.

Doesn't sound like you really think of her as your best friend other than in theory, why else would this be an issue? Your family can go to the theatre and to lunch with who they like without your permission.

OP when you're looking at your insecurities / or maybe to help with them - remember that she's telling you she's doing these things. She's not going behind your back or cutting you out. She's making sure you know, and from her.

She does sound here like she's a good friend.

Yabu. This is normal, you have been friends a long time. She obviously knows your family quite well by now. My oldest friends family will call me if they need something I can help with and vice versa.