To think my friend is overstepping boundaries with my family

[Singingtherapy]

One of my closest friends is someone I've known since primary school, we're now in our 50s. She's lovely and we're incredibly close. But the one thing she does that seriously winds me up is treating my family as her own friends, independently of me. Two recent examples.

1. a few months ago she was at my house at the same time as my mum. My mum mentioned that she and my dad were getting tickets to a show at a local theatre and suggested we all go. I said I couldn't as I had other arrangements so that was the end of the conversation. Then a few days later my friend texted me to say that she was going to the show with my mum and her own mum. She'd called my mum and arranged for them to all go together.
2. She thought my brother might be the best person to help her with a project she was doing at work. He does similar work to her. Again she just randomly texted me to say she had called him and arranged to take him out for lunch to discuss it. She knew him years ago but they're not in contact. AIBU to think that socialising with the immediate family of your close friends should only happen if the friend is included?

You sound very jealous - do you resent that they aren't doing things with you but are doing them with her?

I don't think the brother thing is weird if they work in the same area - she did text you to keep you in the loop anyway, you can't really expect to go to a work meeting (even if informal) with them both!

Adding herself and her mum to your parent's theatre trip with their agreement also isn't weird - you were also invited and turned it down, and she is going with her own mum not going with only your parents in your place - they will just see your parents there/have someone to chat to in the interval.

YABU, and perhaps a bit jealous?
I don't see anything overstepping in the two examples you've given.
First, if she's taking her own mother to the show why wouldn't she join up with your mum, who talked about it in front of your friend?
Second, your brother and friend do similar work and she needs help, of course she she should ask him, the fact that she has already met him years ago makes it even more logical.
Take a moment to think about why this is annoying you. Is something else making you feel insecure? A friend for that long should be treasured, that she gets on well with your family is great.

Well to her your family are her friends, that’s why she she treats them as such. And it’s not just to her, it obviously feels like that to your mum too.

Example number 1 actually sounds lovely. Your dad was probably only going along because your mum had nobody to go with, your friend fancied it and made an arrangement. Nice thing to do.

Example number 2 is a work issue, she knew of a suitable person to work on a project and got in touch... no problem.

So your examples sound innocuous and not overstepping at all in isolation. I wonder if it's the frequency of these events that bothers you? Does she do it a lot and you feel like she's forcing a role for herself in your family perhaps?

This must be a reverse

Ok happy to accept iabu. Will sort my insecurities out.

You are very controlling, you have no right to police who grown adults socislise with whatever their connection to you. They must have all known each other over 40 years, presumably your mother and brother would have declined the invite if they didn't want to go or thought it was inappropriate. It's really none of your business.

Is there a wider pattern of feeling as though she's stepping on your toes, OP? These examples sound fine, it was thoughtful of her to go with both of your mums, and the meeting with your brother was a business lunch. She kept you posted on both so it isn't as though she's doing this behind your back. You couldn't attend the first, and the second was about work so you haven't been excluded.

Yeah sorry OP YABU.
It would be odd maybe if you'd known each other a couple of years, but it's been nearly your whole life!!

This is part and parcel of friendship/ community. You should count yourself lucky that your friends and family care for one another, not everyone has that.

You’re being silly

What exactly is the issue?
Neither of these examples would worry me in the slightest

Yabu. My best friend, and her family would think I'd lost the plot if I suddenly only started communicating with her family through her or in her presence.

Ridiculous. She wanted to go and booked tickets for herself and her mum, very kindly including your mum too as you couldn't go. Likewise the incident with your db. You should be pleased.

YABVU and quite mean.

She gave your brother work? Without your permission. She's awful, how could she??

Why is this weird? You have been friends with her for years? She probably had met your family x amount of times and she sees your family as an extended family of her own.

I think it's stranger that you have an issue with this.

She sounds like a lovely friend. You've known her a long time. She is family to you really. I can't see nothing wrong here. Only problem I can foresee you might not want her tagging along with you and your family always. But on those 2 occasions you wasn't there

Not really is this the first time theyve met up without you-if it is whats the problem if not same question and why would it bother you now

YABVU.
Unless there's some mega backstory to be revealed after 300 posts saying you are being unreasonable.

I don't see the problem

I met one of my best friends through her parents. So I’d say YABU as I’d feel comfortable seeing them without her and she’d not bat an eyelid.

Sorry OP. I don't know what might have happened in your past to make you feel this way, but what your friend and your family are doing is absolutely normal.

I think you are being weird. Dont think she's done anything wrong when you have been friends for so many decades. Why would she even need to discuss with you a work thing shes organising just because its your brother..