Single, choosing a sperm from sperm bank, feeling like I failed big time

[NeedToBeBrave1]

In finding love.....
I am ok with everything else, but the "failure"feeling is very hard to handle.

Honestly don’t feel like a failure. What your doing is amazing and you will have no regrets. I’ve a friend who waited to find ‘the one’ and left it too late for children and this is a massive regret, it’s been so hard for her to reconcile a life without children and she’s not even found ‘the one’.

Yes falling head over heels in love is great but not every relationship is like this.

Life may surprise you just because you are hoping to have a baby doesn’t rule out finding someone to love.

Wishing you so much luck op x

Nonsense! It's luck/timing pure and simple. No one has this figured out. Many people settle or accept a relationship where they aren't valued enough. You've got a plan, it's January 1st and 2022 is shaping up to be your year! Best of luck!

But you haven’t failed. You haven’t/didn’t meet the right person (yet?) and presumably have refused to settle. That’s something you should be proud of. I think it’s great you are doing this alone. You get to raise your child your way, no complicated ex in the background.

I wish you all the very best. You didn’t fail, you are going on an adventure.

Have a read of some of the threads on here from women who are stuck with horrible abusive manipulative ex partners as the father of their children. You’re in a much better position than many of them. I don’t think you’re a failure at all.

I know several single mothers by choice and they are winning at life.
Once you have your baby I don’t think you will regret the twists and turns of fate that led you to create that person, who could only come into existence in that way at that moment.

@Darkstar4855

Have a read of some of the threads on here from women who are stuck with horrible abusive manipulative ex partners as the father of their children. You’re in a much better position than many of them. I don’t think you’re a failure at all.

Agree.

girls...
You have no idea what your words mean to me at this moment.

Thank you for being so kind. 🙏

Hey OP, I’ve done this too - it’s not failing, it’s making a proactive (and brave) choice to steer your life in a direction you want!

You’re choosing your path, there’s nothing to feel bad about there!

I did this too!
Don't feel like a failure, you can meet someone after
Much rather be single and give my kids a good home myself than be in a bad relationship

I'm nearing this decision too! Need to save more first though. Once you have you're beautiful baby you won't feel any 'failure' I'm sure. Plus the biological clock will stop ticking and you may find someone later down the line but without the pressure of rushing to have a child. This is what I am hoping too x

Believe me a sperm donor would be preferable to what I lumbered my kids with.

Mate, it’s not failing! You’ve just not bumped into someone who’s worthy enough of a badass, independent, strong woman!
It’s all bloody luck at the end of the day and, fuck me, if you’re gonna have a kid, better do it single and in the right frame of mind than in a shitty relationship. You’ve got this!

Big hugs. It's really down to luck and sometimes you just don't meet the right person in time. Good for you for taking things into your own hands.

I don’t think it’s failing, I think it’s brave to make this decision and take control of your future. Good luck!

You’re taking action, theres no lame about it! Lame is waiting and doing nothing to change things!

Good luck!

I've always thought that being with someone and having children is just about luck. Luck to find someone who will agree to it. Doesn't mean they're a good person to be with or have a child with! Being single means you've probably been more picky.

If its what you want then fine. No judgement. Out of curiosity what sort of age are you?
You have the benefit that men don't in that you can have a baby on your own, a man in your position doesn't have that option. Make the most of it, be a great mum.

Love could be round the corner.

Good friend did the same, no regrets. A few years later she found a
Partner and they had another kid together.
One of the happiest families I know.

I've thought of doing the same. Obviously don't answer if you'd prefer not to but how old are you OP? I'm early (approaching mid-) thirties and just don't know when to wait until!

I’m 4 years into being a solo mum by choice and now have 3 children :) best thing I ever did but even now I still get fleeting moments where I feel like I have missed out but not meeting the one. However I just remind myself I have my whole life to meet someone special but not long to have children

Zero regrets about taking this route at all. Good luck!

I know how you feel OP.

I'm now nearly 45 and my attempts to get pregnant with a donor haven't worked. Conceived once and miscarried.

I feel like a failure at making a family in both a traditional and non traditional way.

It can be really hard not to blame myself every month when the pregnancy tests come back negative.

Hopefully things will work out for you. I know someone who had donor babies and then met her partner and is very happy. What's most important is that you are taking steps to try to make what you want to happen, happen.

@Flowersandhearts

I've thought of doing the same. Obviously don't answer if you'd prefer not to but how old are you OP? I'm early (approaching mid-) thirties and just don't know when to wait until!

Please just do it. I was thinking of it throughout my 30s and waited until I was 40 to start. Massive regrets now.