Single, choosing a sperm from sperm bank, feeling like I failed big time

[NeedToBeBrave1]

In finding love.....
I am ok with everything else, but the "failure"feeling is very hard to handle.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming that sounds incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry it's been so very hard for you.

@CatJumperTwat

Have you looked into the outcomes of children conceived this way?

Regardless of socioeconomic status, donor offspring are twice as likely as those raised by biological parents to report problems with the law before age 25. They are more than twice as likely to report having struggled with substance abuse. And they are about 1.5 times as likely to report depression or other mental health problems.

If I don't conceive with a donor, I intend to try to adopt. Care to furnish me with the statistics of the calamitous outcomes I'll face that you've made up

[quote SarahAndQuack]@JulesRimetStillGleaming that sounds incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry it's been so very hard for you.[/quote]

Thanks 5 years of heartache to be honest but ho hum, the joys of being a woman who wants a family.

I’m so impressed with your proactive attitude, confidence and independence. And I’d much rather a sperm donor than yo settle for a substandard partner/father who you then have to negotiate and deal with for 18+ years. Good for you.

I have a friend who used a sperm donor to have a child.
She was tired of waiting to meet the one.
She got pregnant- met the one - had the baby - married a year later
I think when you create your own happiness it makes you more open more happiness to happen

One of my favourite people did this. Her DD is 11 and flipping wonderful in every way.

And as for explaining the lack of dad, my DD has in her friend group: adopted, two mums, granddad raising, single dad, more than one shared custody and about a million single mums. I'd say married two parents different sexes is us and one other. We're the weirdos!

@CatJumperTwat a very small (well under 2000 participants) very old (2010) study that is cited almost nowhere, with no indication of how participants were chosen. I very much hope anyone reading this ignores your very unhelpful and frankly inflammatory comment.

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

Do you really want to do it?

The world is overpopulated and we really should reduce the birth rate….

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills Yes, I really want to do it.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming - hi, have you succeed in the end? I hope the answer is yes. If not, Hope your will get your wish very soon.

@FriendshipsAreHardForMe

Love could be round the corner.

Yes, a beautiful baby & no settling to get them.

Go get it OP!

OP, I recommend the Stork & I podcast and also her workshops.

How will your child feel about not having a father ?

Donor Conception Network has a good website and resources, and there’s a FB group called Fertility Buddies for women choosing this route.

@Northernparent68

How will your child feel about not having a father ?

Unless this is a guilt trip dressed up as a question, maybe you could enlighten everyone?

[quote NeedToBeBrave1]@JulesRimetStillGleaming - hi, have you succeed in the end? I hope the answer is yes. If not, Hope your will get your wish very soon.[/quote]

No. I'm nearly 45 and I haven't conceived and am very near giving up. Even posting on this thread has me in tears. I am genuinely heartbroken.

I will hide the thread now. I wish you and anyone else considering it all the best.

There is a donor conception board on Mumsnet where a few of us hang out.

@Northernparent68

How will your child feel about not having a father ?

Better planned that way than all the dickheads who abandon their children. Are you on any men's favourite sites giving absent fathers shite? If not, please do. When you've sorted all of them out, you can come and give the OP nonsense.

@NeedToBeBrave1 I am in the exact same
position, and could in fact have written this post, as I am struggling with grief and anxiety about this path right now. I’m bit further along than you, as I have had a few rounds of treatment and it is proving more difficult than I expected (no success yet) and so that is an added source of anxiety. I just feel that I have massively failed in life to have got to this position that I feel that I have to do this (should note that I didn’t feel like this when I first embarked on this journey). I’m also so worried that it’s selfish and that I’m unfairly depriving my prospective child of a father. I empathise with you.

I’ve found many of the responses to your message so reassuring and kind.

I see nothing wrong with it all
In fact one of my child's teachers has done exactly that and is happy and open about it..
Tbf my childrens father is not much more that a donor so at least that part of it were to happen is out of the way 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote Mouseorchestra7]@NeedToBeBrave1 I am in the exact same
position, and could in fact have written this post, as I am struggling with grief and anxiety about this path right now. I’m bit further along than you, as I have had a few rounds of treatment and it is proving more difficult than I expected (no success yet) and so that is an added source of anxiety. I just feel that I have massively failed in life to have got to this position that I feel that I have to do this (should note that I didn’t feel like this when I first embarked on this journey). I’m also so worried that it’s selfish and that I’m unfairly depriving my prospective child of a father. I empathise with you.

I’ve found many of the responses to your message so reassuring and kind.[/quote]
Sending a hug to you, don't know how to comfort you apart from 'well done' .

I also found the responses to this thread kind, warm and encouraging, hope it will help you keep going too.

I prepare to do three rounds of IUI and then IVF.

Best of luck to all the people who are longing for a child/children.

I did this 19 years ago. As well my lovely son I have also been a step mother to 4 children for the past 10 years.

I think we may be in the exact same boat OP. However, having being raised by a single mother, I know I can do it. I just feel sad about the whole situation, but I know I am destined to be a mother, I feel like it's my calling in life. It's so hard choosing though isn't it?

As a single mum who was single even before I found out I was pregnant, I promise you that the moment your little one is born, you won't even care about some random imaginary perfect man. The love you feel for your child is beyond what any relationship can give you. Even the ones I thought were the loves of my life, I just see as regular old guys now.
I'd love a second and have been toying with the idea of what you're doing, and the only reason I've been keeping an eye out for a potential relationship first, is just for the extra pair of hands. If it doesn't come along I'll just wait for my DD to be older, as I've done it once with a baby and I can do it again!

Hi OP. Just wanted to offer moral support and say good on you for taking this matter into your own powerful hands.
Two of my friends have donor kids. One started IVF at 40, and tho she had many failed rounds (and tears) she gave birth to DD1 at 47 and DD2 at 49. Her girls are the light of her life, and today she has no interest in finding "the one". Nice if it happens, but if not ...
My circle is a mixture of divorced mums (including me), two-parent biological families and singles and gay couples with donor children. We raise good kids in all kinds of ways these days.

I was in your boat 3 years ago. I bit the bullet and now I have an almost 2-yr old daughter. Couldn't be happier!

@groovergirl

Hi OP. Just wanted to offer moral support and say good on you for taking this matter into your own powerful hands. Two of my friends have donor kids. One started IVF at 40, and tho she had many failed rounds (and tears) she gave birth to DD1 at 47 and DD2 at 49. Her girls are the light of her life, and today she has no interest in finding "the one". Nice if it happens, but if not ... My circle is a mixture of divorced mums (including me), two-parent biological families and singles and gay couples with donor children. We raise good kids in all kinds of ways these days.

@groovergirl Thank you for sharing. Hope more people can see the final success story of your friend, and get some strength to keep moving forward.