Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my friends meet up without me

137 replies

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 01/01/2022 18:23

Feel childish saying this but yet again I have logged onto Facebook and seen happy photos of my friends on a meet up I knew nothing about. There’s 5 of us in the group, we talk on WhatsApp, go to the theatre for meals etc. Seeing them all together on Facebook today really upset me and has made me feel excluded 😞 I understand that we won’t always meet as a whole group all the time but I was the only one not invited. I am the only one with kids, the rest are child free and do have more freedom to do things at short notice. I am also living much further away than the rest. I have a DS with SN and life can be isolating. I just wish that the invite had been there even if I couldn’t go. Feeling a bit shit now especially as we’d all been talking on WhatsApp this morning. Seeking advice, am I being too sensitive? Please be kind. I suffer from social anxiety, I wish I didn’t care about these things so much 😞

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 03/01/2022 10:29

I suggested it but didn’t organise the day, one said she was up for going and would love to see them. Another said no way and that it would be too busy. I left it at that until I saw that they all went anyway.

Is it possible that the one who said they were up for going was a bit hurt that you didn't seem interested in going with her if the one who refused didn't want to go?

dibly · 03/01/2022 12:56

Why are people excusing the bad behaviour of your friends? They could have easily invited you and it’s hurtful that they didn’t.

HettieHelvetica · 03/01/2022 13:12

@dibly

Why are people excusing the bad behaviour of your friends? They could have easily invited you and it’s hurtful that they didn’t.
Because it's likely not intentional. It may be that they've misinterpreting the OPs intentions, and that she is misinterpreting theirs. OP has asked for opinions on the situation, people are trying to provide that and also offer advice on ways for her to feel included and part of the group going forward.
StrangerThanSpring · 03/01/2022 13:22

@dibly

Why are people excusing the bad behaviour of your friends? They could have easily invited you and it’s hurtful that they didn’t.
I agree with this. It takes virtually no effort to include the OP. 🤷🏼‍♀️
ILoveHuskies · 03/01/2022 13:24

Yanbu this is so rubbish - it's happened to me. You can never say owt either as you look petty - even though they're the ones in the wrong

Why are some people such dicks??

HettieHelvetica · 03/01/2022 13:27

" I suggested it but didn’t organise the day, one said she was up for going and would love to see them. Another said no way and that it would be too busy. I left it at that until I saw that they all went anyway. I’m probably not the most assertive at organising things and getting everyone to agree on a certain date".

This is probably relevant - it seems that you "left it", so the others may have thought you had gone off the idea, or equally nobody else wanted to take on the -sometimes difficult and thankless (you've admitted that you find it hard) - task of organising.

It's not about feeling "assertive" as such, it's about making the effort and spending the emotional energy to get things organised. If you never organise things, Your friends MAY be feeling that the "effort" is lopsided".

If a "sunflowers" type situation happens again, I would reply to the group chat along the lines of "Anna, I'm glad you want to come too, I'm really excited to go. Are you free on either X date or Y date? Beth and Claire, you're obviously welcome to join us/ change your mind at any point. "

Clymene · 03/01/2022 13:46

But if one of them had sent a message to the general WhatsApp group saying 'does anyone fancy coming out for a walk shortly?' and everyone had gone 'yay! See you in half an hour!', would the OP have felt any better?

StrangerThanSpring · 03/01/2022 13:49

@Clymene

But if one of them had sent a message to the general WhatsApp group saying 'does anyone fancy coming out for a walk shortly?' and everyone had gone 'yay! See you in half an hour!', would the OP have felt any better?
Yes! That's literally the whole point of the thread. Confused
Lollipop999 · 03/01/2022 16:28

@DysmalRadius

I suggested it but didn’t organise the day, one said she was up for going and would love to see them. Another said no way and that it would be too busy. I left it at that until I saw that they all went anyway.

Is it possible that the one who said they were up for going was a bit hurt that you didn't seem interested in going with her if the one who refused didn't want to go?

This could be right and I think I’ve been guilty of this in the past too.

Suggesting a day out, getting varying responses, some saying yes, some no, some saying they’d go somewhere different etc etc. Ended up not following through with it because it wasn’t straightforward, but not thinking that I could have just gone with the one who said yes.

Mary46 · 03/01/2022 17:48

Harder to juggle when you have kids. I remember my friend cancelling my baby was young at time. It took alot planning to get out. I dont think she realised. Op suit yourself going forward. Hopefully you can meet other mums through your child.

Rittersport · 03/01/2022 18:39

Just to be devil's advocate, how many times have you turned down invites to meet up because of family commitments. If I've organised day three times and been turned down, I probably wouldn't ask that person again tbh. If feel I'm not a priority for them (fair enough if you are busy with kids with SEN of course!) But it can also be sad to be 'dropped' by your friends when they have kids.

Clymene · 03/01/2022 19:53

Glad you agree @StrangerThanSpring 👍

New posts on this thread. Refresh page