To think this isn’t harassment

[missgraciea]

Met someone, had sex, messages constantly for next 24 hours saw again 2 days later. No issues, nice chat, open conversations, got on well.
Made the decision to block them based on the fact that I liked them and was feeling v confused. They then blocked me. I then changed my mind and tried to contact saying we could be friends and if made a mistake - friend is what they had wanted. I sent 2 polite messages, left polite 2 voicemails. No response so left it.
About a week later unfortunately I saw them in a restaurant where they were the singer - absolutely had no idea they would be there. Didn’t talk, didn’t acknowledge as it seemed strange to reach out not hear, so to approach would be a little disrespectful so I kept myself to myself and didn’t really look over much.
Now - week later they have unblocked contacted with a long message I’m being accused of harassment and turning up to intimidate and being told I’ll be reported to the police. The message also said they want to be amicable. I have replied politely but now I’ve started to get very upset as I don’t believe I harassed anyone and wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that.
I’m wondering if I should contact the police and explain? As I feel I’m going to get report for doing things I haven’t done?

@1forAll74

Odd behaviour from a mature woman., such nonsense.

Totally. I mean wtf was that behaviour?

Also, I find people who say they feel more deeply than other people to be complete self centred pains in the arse.

@Snoopfroggyfrogg just a local restaurant a mile or so from me

@user1471442488 that’s nice

How do you know you feel more than other people?

@murasaki I don’t, it was obviously the wrong thing to say

OK. But it does sound as if you think you are more empathic than others and somehow better. You need to step away from relationships for a bit I think.

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Please stop naval gazing OP.

The whole, "I feel things more deeply than others" is just self indulgent naval gazing and is being used as an excuse to treat people badly.

Nothing wrong with feeling emotional. Everything wrong with stringing someone along, blocking them when they've done nothing wrong, unlocking them and continually messaging and calling when they clearly dont want to deal with you.

You're not special. You're not feeling things more than other people. You hurt this person with your behaviour and they didnt want to speak to you but you cared about your own feeling and not about theirs so called and messaged again.

You've hurt someone. They haven't done anything to you. Stop acting like a victim. Stop messing people around. And stop trying to excuse it by saying that you must just feel things more than others. It isnt fair on the people you hurt.

This in spades. You still haven't clarified why you blocked the person if you 'liked them'. It's all a bit intense and ridiculous. I think you need to develop some emotional maturity.

[quote missgraciea]@IdontWanna I think yes my feelings were really intense very quickly and it was scary at the time, on the evening of the ONS I actually said to them ‘I could easily get feelings for you’ and they replied ‘I could for you too’ so the whole thing was just a lot I suppose[/quote]
And this is why you need to do some work on yourself first before you dip in the dating pool again. Feeling like this,behaving like this, can make you extremely vulnerable.

You either need therapy, or taking a good look at yourself and analyse why you behave like this,what insecurities you have, where it all stems from.

Also being single,happy in your own company,confident and with good and clear boundaries.

Only then would be a good , and probably a more productive and successful time to start dating again.

I don't get why you blocked them in the first place? Weird

What we're your 2 texts and voicemails about?

Yeah it's a bit weird how you've behaved.

Your OP is a bit confusing, but if I have it right:

-you had an intense few days with a romantic interest, which meant a lot to you and you thought was the start of something deeper.

-they didn’t feel the same, so you felt embarrassed/hurt/confused and blocked them. Totally normal response imho. Loads of people block the other person after a sexual relationship ends. Certainly not crazy or a sign of bpd as some posters are suggesting!

• you felt you’d overreacted and wanted to try and mend things so you unblocked. This is a bit naive, it’s unusual to end up friends if one of you has strong feelings, and definitely after you’d blocked them it wasn’t going to work.

• you called and left a voicemail, they didn’t reply so you tried again, and then left it when you didn’t get a response. As long as you messages weren’t very emotional or threatening I don’t think this is overkill either. Calling twice then giving up is fine.

• you bump into them is a public place, where you didn’t know they’d be performing. Kept your distance and didnt approach them. Totally fine. Awkward but not your fault.

-they sent you a message claiming you we’re harassing them and threatening to call the police. IM SORRY WHAT? That’s crazy. People bump into each other all the time. This is the first unreasonable thing I’ve read, and suggests this other person is the one with the issues. Block again and ignore.

I agree with others that you might benefit from some counselling or other support, not because you’re emotionally unhinged, but because you seem to struggle to move on and put things behind you. It’s a hard thing to do, but easy to work on.

Best of luck OP, I think you’re getting a hard time of here because people are misunderstanding what’s actually happened.

I'm just wondering about the restaurant you went to... Did you go alone?
You say you turned up there but most people telling a story with as much info as you have put in yours would have put if you went with friends or on a date. You didn't give any context as to why you went to the restaurant.

I would say you've made a mistake. Now realised your behaviour was a bit off and just move on and forget about it. Good luck x

@popcornaddict I went to the restaurant with my daughters father - we amicably coparent

I agree with withgraceinmyheart .

@withgraceinmyheart that’s exactly what has happened

[quote missgraciea]@popcornaddict I went to the restaurant with my daughters father - we amicably coparent[/quote]
Did the know in advance that it was the sort of restaurant that has a singer?

Did you know this person is a restaurant singer?

@murasaki I don’t think I’m better than anyone

I love how the response to someone who appears to be having difficulty handling their emotions is to insult them and tell them 'you lack emotional maturity' and challenge them on their empathy skills. Pot, kettle, black.
Just waiting for 'get a grip.'
The OP seems to have identified that her emotional reactions were inappropriate and I'm sure will ask if she needs any specific advice on fixing that.
Rubbing salt in wounds - such fun huh?

[quote missgraciea]@withgraceinmyheart that’s exactly what has happened[/quote]
Ok, in that case I’d say the other person is just as much in the wrong as you are, if not more so.

Nothing you’ve done is awful, you’ve reacted in a totally normal way to an upsetting and confusing situation. The other person has massively overreacted to seeing you in public, possibly out of guilt at having got more involved with you than they meant to. Possibly because they’re a bit self involved and expected to be able to get involved then drop you, and for you to just ‘be fine with it’ and now they’re uncomfortable with the normal, human reactions you’ve shown to their actions. Making you out to be ‘crazy’ and ‘stalkerish’ means they don’t have to deal with the fact that they might have treated you unfairly and caused you pain.

Either way, time to move on and keep them blocked. If you see them again in public, just ignore them. No need to leave unless you want to, although avoid that restaurant! It’ll get easier over time.

You’ll be wiser next time, please don’t let this knock you too much. Your post are showing a lot of self blame, and made you actions sound much worse than they actually are! Put this in the right place in your history, you weren’t perfect but you were pretty normal, you’ll handle it better next time.

So as an update I actually called the non emergency number for advice because I’ve since had another message saying I’ll be reported and I’ve got myself very upset as I know that despite how it seems I didn’t intend any harm, I am aware that perception is everything and I said this as well on the phone. The officer was really nice and didn’t take personal details or anything but I gave the context and nature of messages he said I’ve nothing to worry about at all and that people go to restaurants and socialise all the time. He said if the report comes in I will have to answer a few questions but that they are probably bluffing.

@withgraceinmyheartthanj you, you’ve even really kind x

@withgraceinmyheart I’ve not sure what happened with that last message - I wanted to say, thank you, you’ve been really kind,
I am most definitely blaming myself as I don’t want to cause anyone alarm or distress or to be reported to the police!

[quote missgraciea]@withgraceinmyheart I’ve not sure what happened with that last message - I wanted to say, thank you, you’ve been really kind,
I am most definitely blaming myself as I don’t want to cause anyone alarm or distress or to be reported to the police![/quote]
No problem, you sound like you could do with a bit of kindness!

Honestly this person sounds like they’re enjoying frightening and upsetting you at this point and I’m glad you’ve spoken to the police for your peace of mind. I’ve always found them very sensible and helpful whenever I’ve needed them, so if you are reported and they come to speak to you I wouldn’t worry!

Fwiw, threatening to report someone for fictional crimes is, in fact, harassment. If they keep messaging you I would ring the police again and they might even send someone round to set them straight.

“ Made the decision to block them based on the fact that I liked them and was feeling v confused.”

People that have to tell others that they’re good people are very rarely good people.

OP just leave it all now. Don't message them again step away.

The blocking, unblocking, voicemails it's all a bit "odd".

Fine, fair enough you've realised you shouldn't have, but to save face and possibly a criminal alagation, just step away now.

It's for the best. Move on.