Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn’t harassment

148 replies

missgraciea · 01/01/2022 13:49

Met someone, had sex, messages constantly for next 24 hours saw again 2 days later. No issues, nice chat, open conversations, got on well.
Made the decision to block them based on the fact that I liked them and was feeling v confused. They then blocked me. I then changed my mind and tried to contact saying we could be friends and if made a mistake - friend is what they had wanted. I sent 2 polite messages, left polite 2 voicemails. No response so left it.
About a week later unfortunately I saw them in a restaurant where they were the singer - absolutely had no idea they would be there. Didn’t talk, didn’t acknowledge as it seemed strange to reach out not hear, so to approach would be a little disrespectful so I kept myself to myself and didn’t really look over much.
Now - week later they have unblocked contacted with a long message I’m being accused of harassment and turning up to intimidate and being told I’ll be reported to the police. The message also said they want to be amicable. I have replied politely but now I’ve started to get very upset as I don’t believe I harassed anyone and wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that.
I’m wondering if I should contact the police and explain? As I feel I’m going to get report for doing things I haven’t done?

OP posts:
Original poster
missgraciea · 01/01/2022 14:22

@Skiptheheartsandflowers in the messages I said I felt my initial decision was too emotionally fuelled and I would like to keep them in my life as a friend. I said they can’t be excused as they said I had messaged several times so I wanted to apologise if that had upset another person - it was twice not several. 2 calls, 2 messages

OP posts:
Original poster
missgraciea · 01/01/2022 14:24

I can see from the responses that my behaviour hasn’t been great and has been likened to a teen as well.
I’m a professional person and a mum to a lovely girl and I always want to be kind to everyone and do the right thing and I know I’ve messed up. I feel that I seem to be getting everything wrong at the moment and literally don’t deserve to be here, it’s like my perspective on things is different to what others see - I know in my heart I wasn’t harassing anyone I was just trying to reach out and be kind and I didn’t turn up anywhere on purpose I wouldn’t dream of it.

OP posts:
Kshhuxnxk · 01/01/2022 14:26

You're overthinking I believe. Forget about this person. Going forward take things slow, don't pressure yourself into feeling you need a relationship. Perhaps even just work on your own self esteem before you think about dating

Original poster
missgraciea · 01/01/2022 14:31

Ok thanks, I think that for whatever reason I feel things more deeply than other people so I was very emotional afterwards and I think society is so quick to label emotional responses as crazy or unhinged or like a teen like someone on here has referred to me as. I just was struggling to cope a little and was a bit all over the place. I feel I would and accept that of another person even if it did come across strange as I know we all feel differently so that’s why I asking have j really done something so bad and wrong but the general consensus seems to be yes

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 01/01/2022 14:45

@Aquamarine1029

In your reply, you said "him."
I was pointing out that no one said this was a man.

girlmom21 · 01/01/2022 14:47

[quote Itsalmostanaccessory]**@Aquamarine1029

In your reply, you said "him."
I was pointing out that no one said this was a man.[/quote]
But whether it's a man or a woman @Aquamarine1029's point still stands

SuspiciousHumanoid · 01/01/2022 14:47

In that case you aren’t in any kind of place to be engaging in casual sex or relationships. People react to the behaviour you show them, and if your behaviour looks unsettling to them then they will react as such. Simply putting it down to the fact that you feel things more is not going to help you work through your emotional issues, you are essentially shirking responsibility for your own behaviour.

Your behaviour was strange and unpleasant for the other person to experience no doubt, and whether you being in the same place at the same time as them was coincidental or not, it would have only added to the impression your previous behaviour gave them. People can’t read your mind, and they don’t know your motives for behaving the way you do, and it’s not their responsibility to react in a way that makes you feel better. Just stay well away from this person and do not contact them again, otherwise you will be harassing them.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 01/01/2022 14:50

Please stop naval gazing OP.

The whole, "I feel things more deeply than others" is just self indulgent naval gazing and is being used as an excuse to treat people badly.

Nothing wrong with feeling emotional. Everything wrong with stringing someone along, blocking them when they've done nothing wrong, unlocking them and continually messaging and calling when they clearly dont want to deal with you.

You're not special. You're not feeling things more than other people. You hurt this person with your behaviour and they didnt want to speak to you but you cared about your own feeling and not about theirs so called and messaged again.

You've hurt someone. They haven't done anything to you. Stop acting like a victim. Stop messing people around. And stop trying to excuse it by saying that you must just feel things more than others. It isnt fair on the people you hurt.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2022 14:52

You haven’t done anything terrible but it does sound like you aren’t in a good place at the moment.
You might not have meant your behaviour to be concerning but think about it from the other persons point of view. For example they had no idea you turning up at their place of work was coincidental.
Just leave him/her alone now and respect their wishes.
Learn from this and when/if you feel in a better state of mind you can maybe try dating again

Aquamarine1029 · 01/01/2022 14:54

[quote Itsalmostanaccessory]@Aquamarine1029

In your reply, you said "him."
I was pointing out that no one said this was a man.[/quote]
Again, irrelevant. The gender of the parties involved does not change my advice, nor should it.

Lacedwithgrace · 01/01/2022 14:56

You definitely seem creepy and they probably thought you stalked them. Block and leave them alone.

CorrBlimeyGG · 01/01/2022 14:58

I know in my heart I wasn’t harassing anyone

Your intent was not to harass, but what is important is the perception of the person on the receiving end, not you. I doubt many people harassing someone think their behaviour is unacceptable.

Leave them be now, take it as a learning experience for the future.

ldontWanna · 01/01/2022 15:01

Bad coincidence after your erratic behaviour. They couldn't have known if it was on purpose or not, if it meant your behaviour was escalating, if you were being erratic again.

Now you've said your piece and explained. Just leave it there and move on. A healthy friendship is unlikely anyways given what went on and rather pointless really. Put it behind you, maybe get some therapy and stability in your life then try again after a while. At the moment you're not ready to date .

Sparklesocks · 01/01/2022 15:01

I can see their perspective - they don’t know you showing up at their work was a coincidence and along with the voicemails/messages/blocking and unblocking I can see why they would feel unnerved. Especially if you didn’t acknowledge them, that likely would’ve been ever more confusing - compared to a casual hello or light chat.

Best to leave it alone now, don’t contact them again and draw a line under it - don’t go to the police. In future think about how you communicate with potential partners, don’t block and unblock or leave multiple messages/voicemails. You shouldn’t be a slave to your emotions and if your feelings are so overwhelming that you can’t control them then maybe you’re not in the right headspace to be dating.

spotcheck · 01/01/2022 15:01

for whatever reason I feel things more deeply than other people so I was very emotional afterwards and I think society is so quick to label emotional responses as crazy or unhinged or like a teen like someone on here has referred to me as

OP... In the nicest possible way ...
Take responsibility for your actions, otherwise you won't learn from them.
Stop blaming 'society' for your behaviour

thetinsoldier · 01/01/2022 15:01

I think the issue is this:

Made the decision to block them based on the fact that I liked them and was feeling v confused.

Why block them if you liked them? They must have been upset and hurt. You should have communicated your feelings to them better.

But you weren't harassing them.

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 01/01/2022 15:06

In the nicest possible way, OP, if your reaction to liking someone is to block them then I don’t think you’re in the right mental place for a relationship or dating. Time to focus on yourself, do some work there on understanding why you reacted that way and strengthening your emotional resilience.

Idontgiveaf324 · 01/01/2022 15:09

I think both of you come across as a bit odd with your mutual blocking. I don’t understand the initial blocking which was apparently because you liked the person. Surely you only block someone if you don’t want to see them ever again? Then two messages and two voicemails is overkill and if the person then happened to come to my workplace, I’d not believe that it was a coincidence - I’d think they were stalking me.
In the future, if you like someone, don’t block them or if you do, take ownership and accept that they probably don’t want to see you again (as being blocked feels pretty hurtful) and don’t bombard them with messages. Four messages is total overkill.

RitaFires · 01/01/2022 15:13

It was strange to block them and then unblock them and contact them again, they were probably very confused by that. Then although you know it was a coincidence, think how you would feel if somebody who did that to you showed up at your job. It could feel intimidating and like they were harassing you.

All you can do is back off, leave them alone and think about how you treat people to avoid something like this happening again. Blocking someone is a very direct way of communicating that you want nothing to do with them, if that isn't the case you shouldn't do it. Trying to walk it back by contacting them further was just confusing and probably unwelcome.

friendlycat · 01/01/2022 15:16

Why all the blocking unblocking? It’s all over the top dramatics.

Just learn from this and really no need to block people unless really necessary.

And of course the other person had no idea it was just a coincidence you turning up at the same place. Step back from the drama.

zingally · 01/01/2022 15:24

You slept with someone, liked them, blocked them, unblocked them, contacted them 4 times (ignored each time), and am now wondering why they've got freaked out?

Weird behaviour on your part. You gave them very mixed, confusing messages.

They clearly want to be left alone, so I'd do that.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2022 15:26

'I feel things more deeeply'

This is nonsense. At least own your negative behaviour.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2022 15:27

Made the decision to block them based on the fact that I liked them and was feeling v confused.

You're not the only one confused.

Doomscrolling · 01/01/2022 15:28

"I feel things more deeply than other people" is basically "I am not going to change my behaviour and I excuse myself for being erratic because I'm special."

You may not change how you feel (although you can, with practice) but you can definitely control how you react to those feelings.

You're an adult of 33 and a mother. Behaving like an overwrought 15 year old isn't appropriate. If you're this highly strung, it's not the time for dating, it's time to seek some counselling to have better control over your emotions and behaviour.

When you have some equilibrium you'll handle this stuff better.

RedCandyApple · 01/01/2022 15:29

[quote Itsalmostanaccessory]@Aquamarine1029

The OP is playing the pronoun game. They they them. Might not be a man.[/quote]
Why do people do this? I’ve noticed it a lot on here where people avoid saying “him/her”