AIBU saying no to daughter?

[newterritory]

DD turned 15 in October. She has good levels of freedoms, attends lots of parties with school friends until after mid-night so she is not wrapped up in cotton wool. However, I have said no to the following plans as I am not comfortable with it.

She wants to go round the house of a boy she has met one time, very briefly in a park. This boy does not go to her school but is apparently friends with one of her friends who went to primary school with him.

Since meeting him briefly in the park she has been chatting to him via social media and has been invited round today for the day. Think she has been chatting to him for about a month.

She says his parents will be home (I don't know them at all obviously) and I just said, no I am not comfortable with it. I've offered for him to spend the day at our house instead. She is not happy.

AIBU?

No I think you are doing right. You have given her the option to come to yours. I would do the same.

YANBU. Absolutely the right call. And you've given her the option of inviting him to yours.

YANBU. I would no way allow this.

I agree with you. I also said no to my dd in a very similar scenario. She wasn’t happy either but then never mentioned him again anyway.
Don’t worry, she’ll get over it.

I think giving them the option to come to you instead is fair. I can understand why this would make you a bit uncomfortable until she knows him a bit better.

I think you're right. But watch out for her now lying and doing it anyway.

YANBU. Good call OP

No you are not being unreasonable. You're seeing very easily around a potentially nasty corner, when she's not looking at all, being 15, ten foot tall, and bullet proof. . .

To add, I wish my parents had been as caring as you are. . .

YANBU, I am the mother of a 15 year old boy and we are shocked at the amount of parents that let they 15 year old DDs visit here. We are mostly in but the parents have no idea who we are or if we are in when dropping their DDs off after meeting DS through a friend of a friend etc.

You have 100% made the right decision.

YANBU - I would have offered for him to come to our house just as you have done.
The fact she doesn't want to do that would make me wonder if his parents actually were going to be home

Thank you all for sharing your views.
They make you feel like the worst parent in the world!!
I won't be budging!

YANBU

I can understand her being miffed as you are are at 15 when being told no to something you really want to do but the fact you have said he can come to you instead negates any bad feeling from her in my opinion.
She still gets to do what she wants, see the boy which makes me think, like an op said, his parents aren’t actually going to be home are they?

And just to add I would have said no to her also. Definitely not safe after meeting once, you have no idea where she’s going or who will be there.

She is now saying I can meet his parents at the door when dropping off. However, whilst I appreciate she is trying to be understanding of my feelings (and I have told her this) I am still uncomfortable. This is because she has a very limited 'real life' relationship with this boy and I have no idea what his parents allow in their home ie, spending time alone in bedrooms etc. I can hardly quiz the parents about this on the doorstep - it's still a no from me!

But the desperate guilt tripping texts keep coming.......

@newterritory if she's happy for you to meet him and his parent's then I don't really see why she would have a problem with him coming to yours instead - I definitely get why you're not comfortable

All parents of teenagers are absolutely the worst parents in the world and their friends always have much much better parents!!

You have done the right thing. You have offered her a reasonable alternative. I am afraid you are just going to have to absorb her anger.

This too will pass.

Have you always had honest discussions with her regarding sexual assault, abusive behaviour etc? I used to watch Hollyoaks with mine, to open up discussions. Personally I'd rather she went with a mate, which shouldn't be an issue if they are just hanging out. Is there no way that they can meet in a group?

Are you worried that she’ll be molested or have consenting sex, drink/take drugs or something else?

I think you’re probably being unreasonable I’m afraid. By 15 it’s very normal to be exploring friendships/relationships outside of the parental gaze and this seems to be a pretty safe one to start with: you know where he lives, that he is in fact 15, there’s a friend in common and you can meet the parents.

@FawnFrenchieMum

YANBU, I am the mother of a 15 year old boy and we are shocked at the amount of parents that let they 15 year old DDs visit here. We are mostly in but the parents have no idea who we are or if we are in when dropping their DDs off after meeting DS through a friend of a friend etc.

But you're ok with your DS inviting these girls over?

The original plan was that she was going to his house with her friend that knows him. I did not feel great about this but said it was okay if I spoke to his parents beforehand and that they were aware she was coming over etc. She was happy with this.

I was also going to speak the accompanying friends mum to double check she was happy with her daughter going and to confirm that her family knew the boys family from primary school days etc.

However, her friend pulled out due to other plans - that's when I said no, that she can't go on her own.

100% yanbu. Sexual assault is too much of a risk in situations like these. Better safe than sorry

Totally the right call. From what I have heard recently there could be loads of his mates there waiting for when your daughter walks in alone. I wouldn’t trust anyone these days.