AIBU saying no to daughter?

[newterritory]

DD turned 15 in October. She has good levels of freedoms, attends lots of parties with school friends until after mid-night so she is not wrapped up in cotton wool. However, I have said no to the following plans as I am not comfortable with it.

She wants to go round the house of a boy she has met one time, very briefly in a park. This boy does not go to her school but is apparently friends with one of her friends who went to primary school with him.

Since meeting him briefly in the park she has been chatting to him via social media and has been invited round today for the day. Think she has been chatting to him for about a month.

She says his parents will be home (I don't know them at all obviously) and I just said, no I am not comfortable with it. I've offered for him to spend the day at our house instead. She is not happy.

AIBU?

she didn't accept my offer of him coming to ours because she was annoyed that I said they would be allocated the lounge area and that I wouldn't let her be in her bedroom with him for the day

Says it all really doesn't it? And this with a teenage lad she barely knows

Stick to your guns, OP; you know you're doing the right thing, and no doubt the sulking and "not faaaiiirrrs" can be weathered

YANBU.

@Frazzledfiona

Tough call!! I know when I was 15 I was doing whatever I wanted and I would never tell my parents my plans. If I had wanted to go to a boys house I would tell them I was going to a friends. I would never have asked their permission. I think it's wonderful that she is coming and asking you so I'd give her a little leeway

I get your point but in this situation and in most others with regard my daughter and her friendship groups, they rely on lifts, being picked up etc - her friendship groups live quite widely spread - school has a large catchment.

Also with the tracking apps these days I think it's less easy to say one thing and do another

@sweetbellyhigh

It is slightly offensive and rather sexist to suggest that it is safer for a boy to go to a girl's house than a girl to a boy's.

Not all boys are sexual predators and in fact plenty of girls are. It's a bloody minefield and you just have to keep talking to your teens and be vigilant.

That wasn't what was being suggested. Try rephrasing as "it is safer for a strange child to come to my house where I set and enforce the rules, than for my child to go to their house where I do not know the parents."

Note that the OP has also specified ground rules for her house, such as no access to bedrooms.

It is slightly offensive and rather sexist to suggest that it is safer for a boy to go to a girl's house than a girl to a boy's.

Unfortunately it is also true.

YADNBU parenting teenagers is never easy but in this case you are definitely doing the right thing .

I can foresee phones accidentally being kept at home if you are tracking her too and her not telling the truth going forward.

@SeasonFinale

I can foresee phones accidentally being kept at home if you are tracking her too and her not telling the truth going forward.

Not unless they've got a spare phone, most teens are glued to theirs.

If your teenagers are happy about all your decisions/boundaries they are probably bad ones.