To be sick and tired of tired of people telling others to leave there DHs over silly things.

[LurkersConfessions]

I’ve been lurking on here for a few weeks now reading posts I do enjoy it and find the advice very good. However I’m getting a bit sick and tired of some posters telling OPs to “LTB”, kick out or even divorce their DH over minor things. Like an OP complaining about their DH of 10+years saying a rude comment and some of the replies are saying the OP needs to get in contact with their divorce lawyers it’s getting a bit ridiculous.

To be fair it’s not exclusively MN I see it with so many other women giving relationship advice. They are so quick to tell others to leave their OH for doing what is sometimes minor actions but would never do the same the their own OH if they did the exact same thing.

No one is suggesting that it isn’t a small event

But many in here love drama and whip it up in to a frenzy

They also quite a few bullies on here

I worked in domestic violence I would not I not consider myself an expert on reading between lines from a few posts I also would not turn on someone for not LTB but I can spot bullies and MN has more than few

LTB is normally the reaction where the partner or husband has been abusive. It's rarely unwarranted if multiple posters are saying it.

That makes sense @LurkersConfessions. I think I had pretty much the opposite experience.

Often on here I see women reach a dawning realisation that their relationships are not okay. Often it's only an external perspective that crystallises all the feelings they've been shoving down for years. We are conditioned to put other people's, particularly men's, wants and needs above our own

It's much easier to ask about one small thing when you're in a relationship that is just shit in all directions as far as the eye can see.

If you asked about the whole lot you'd have to be thinking about the whole lot, and processing what the whole lot might mean for your future and your happiness, and you're using so much energy just to cope with it that you can't deal with that. But maybe your brain is nagging at you about one little thing, and it sounds like the kind of problem other people might have and won't be shocked at you for having. So you ask about it on AIBU (not on Relationships of course because you're certainly not reconsidering your whole relationship, you're just asking about this one thing), and you don't sound too serious about it...

Not saying every "AIBU to think DH should have taken the dog out when he said he would?" should get treated like the tip of an abusive relationship iceberg. But it's worth considering that if people do seem to be, they might be picking up on things you're not, sometimes.

There are several posters on here who are clearly in shit relationships who will only ever ask about one specific scenario at a time and not ever link it to a bigger picture. Each individual one doesn't sound that bad, but when it's week after week after week of "DH treated me badly in this way... and this way... and this way... and this other way... and this way too..." and you think, Christ, what else is there that she's not talking about?

@Onelifeonly

Totally agree. There seems to be an implication all posters behave perfectly themselves at all times and that a relationship also has to be perfect. Surely there are always compromises and we are all actual, flawed, human beings!

I often wonder what his side of the story would be, ditto the awful MIL stories!

@anonanonanon123

Yep, I tend to think a lot of people on here are single and bitter or miserable and they want others to be too.

Well if we're just going to make shit up about people's motivations then it could be as easily argued that those who want to stop women from advising others to leave an unhappy relationship fall into 2 categories A - abusers who fear their victim leaving and want to convince all women that they should accept some shitty behaviour and stfu

And

B - people in unhappy marriages who don't want others to do what they don't have the will to do.

But since none of us know the actual motivations or circumstances of people on the internet, all claims are equally possible and at the same time equally shallow, insulting and ridiculous, right?

Some of the expectations are absurd.
Look at some of the Xmas related threads.

The demands and pressure created at this time of yr are ridiculous. Monk on's about presents or familial obligations.
The mental load concept is another nonsensical theory. People are now expected to be literal mind readers.😳🤣🤣
If I had a wife with such an attitude I'd help her pack.🤣🤣🤣

"The mental load concept is another nonsensical theory. People are now expected to be literal mind readers.😳🤣🤣"

If you think that, then you aren't the one carrying it.

"If you think that, then you aren't the one carrying it."

Ain't that the truth.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude

"The mental load concept is another nonsensical theory. People are now expected to be literal mind readers.😳🤣🤣"

If you think that, then you aren't the one carrying it.

I carry my own mental load.

Which is as it should be.

It's only a problem when you're carrying everyone else's too.

Did you not understand that's what people mean when they talk about it?

@IncompleteSenten

Which is as it should be.

It's only a problem when you're carrying everyone else's too.

Did you not understand that's what people mean when they talk about it?

behavioralscientist.org/how-couples-share-cognitive-labor-and-why-it-matters/

Yes of course, however the whole concept is rather unscientific, some if the examples given are absurd. Toilet paper monitoring.😂😂
Birthday parties, couples really fall out about this shit. Honestly.
PhD in bullshit.

Because people dont post about one minor thing. 'My DH ignored me all day'. Yes in 20 years of marriage if your husband had one off day you wouldn't leave him. But people are clearly posting because this is something that happens once a week, and it's an engrained personality trait that they have tried to speak to their husband about numerous times and never been able to resolve. So the only two options left are to suck it up and be miserable for ever or leave

That's very true. Look at the pattern not the single incident. Something some people just don't seem to be able to comprehend

"LTB" is on here as much as "go for a spa day/weekend/week. The solution to everything.