Smoking in pubs, free speech, having a laugh

[Wannalivewithcommonpeople]

Aibu to miss all this? The relaxed, laid back FUN of the 90’s to maybe maybe late 2010
ish?
I don’t smoke or take drugs anymore, hell I haven’t been able to drink in 21 months, due to long covid, but sat here watching 90’s & 2000’s music videos whilst Dh takes toddler out and thinking of the past.
Aibu to just bloody miss the simplicity and fun and to hate these times?

@CuntAmongstThePigeons

Yes, yes, YES op!!!!!! You've totally summed up how I feel. I'm the same age as you and I feel desperately sad for the younger generations and their lack of freedom. There's been various studies which show they go out less, they don't feel comfortable letting their hair down as they're so worried about photos being put on social media.

The obsession with filters, social media etc. So unhealthy, I'm so glad we didn't have that. MySpace was a while different kettle of fish than todays social media.

Smoking in pubs, FUUUUCK I miss it. Also agree with the poster who described pubs as sterile and joyless. I live in Central London and go to pubs all over the city and they're really not the same as they used to be. Also £3. 50 for a pint!!!!! Bloody hell, I wish!!.

And yes to being worried about offending people. For everyone saying the only freedom of speech banned is offensive things. Erm it's most definitely not. You can't state biological facts atm for fear of losing your job, etc. We actually seem to have forgotten the values of the enlightenment.

The purity spirals that now exist, the cancel culture, it all takes the joy out of life and the nuance! I also have fond memories of heated debates about politics etc and how at the end you were great friends and would have a pint. Now I know people who would stoo talking to you if they found out you were friends with a tory. Its all very depressing.

Oh and one more, everything is so pornified now. I miss the easy friendships I had with boys growing up that so many young girls say they have no experience of. Many young girls have given a blowjob before having their first kiss. And the porn isn't naughty photos or videos where the housewife sleeps with the pizza delivery boy. No, now its super violent, degrading. Young girls are expected to be up for anal, deepthroating. I miss the 90's!!!!!!!

Brilliant post. If this was reddit I'd upvote and award this 🤣

How on Earth is the menopause controversial 😂. I work with 75% men and we have posters, emails, etc about menopause awareness as we do testicular cancer etc. I don’t understand what your office is commenting on peoples’ biology though? Are you saying things like ‘Dave can’t do that because he’s a bloke’? That could be construed as sexist.

Are you really going around the office saying things like so and so is male, so and so is female? It seems a bit weird to be honest. Can you elaborate on these ‘biological facts’ you keep wanting to bring up? Do you state facts about people’s ethnicity too? Glad I don’t work in your office!

I don’t understand what your office is commenting on peoples’ biology though? Are you saying things like ‘Dave can’t do that because he’s a bloke’? That could be construed as sexist.

She means that if you say publicly that you don't think one can change sex and men cannot become women then you might be sacked from your job, investigated for.misconduct or 'your contract not renewed'.

Google Allison Bailey and Maya Forstater.

It's now seen as acceptable to send death threats to 'problematic' people just because you don't agree with them.

I'm not sure why you put 'now' in there. Activists of all kinds have gotten death threats and actually been killed for a very long time. Ordinary people have been sacked, threatened or killed just for being black or gay or female or what have you.

I don't think anyone should be getting death threads but the idea that this is something new that previous generations didn't have to deal with is quite blinkered.

@Chasingaftermidnight

Free speech hasn’t gone anywhere. When people say it has gone, it largely means they want speech free from any consequence.

Exactly - they mean they want the right to offend other people without any consequences.

They also mean they have no idea what the right to free speech is - as you say, it isn’t the right to say what you like without any consequences.

You aren't allowed to incite hatred or violence. Some of the stuff that people are receiving 'consequences' for or are worried about receiving 'consequences' for (whatever you think that means) are miles away from that.

Some people now seem to have appointed themselves as 'the purity police' which basically means 'if you don't agree with me on everything then you are basically wrong, a bigot, and I will encourage others to give you shit and make life difficult for you'. Owen Jones is a good example of this in the public sphere but it happens, particularly amongst younger people, on a more personal level too.

Yy to whoever mentioned My Mad Fat Diary 🤘

I worked in various pubs between 2001-2008. They were definitely more fun pre-smoking-ban.

@OakRowan

What do you mean free speech, you want to be casually racist/sexist/homophobic/offensive in public? That's not the good old days.

Nah I recon OP means being able say “don’t be silly, you can’t chance your sex….” 😮

Who would have thought such a sentence would be so controversial……

I agree with OP to an extent - I've never smoked and it never occurred to me to bothered about coming home reeking of cigarette smoke every time: not to mention the passive smoking element.

But I'm glad i was young back then rather than now because it all seemed so much simpler and more colourful somehow.

I don’t miss smoking in pubs or anywhere else. That’s one thing I’d be happy to never se again.

But I understand what the OP means about free speech (although I think it was termed badly). I think about our HR department here (I don’t live in the UK) who has recently revised our employee handbook and taken it from 24 to 36 pages with the addition of all sorts of sections on how to ensure we respect people’s choice of pronouns, how to format our email signatures with our choice of pronouns, etc. Also, this country has everything in 2 languages and the other language has different spellings of nouns depending on whether it’s a female or male version (like we have fiancé and fiancée in English, except it’s for everything such as teacher, employee, manager, etc). The whole section on maternity leave has been re-written to change the word for “female employee” to “male or female employee”. And they are not referring to paternity leave with that but the antenatal appointments, etc. We have had whole training sessions that were mandatory about being aware of pronoun usage and how it can affect others. We are also no longer allowed to give Christmas cards or gifts to each other in the office or even mention Christmas, Easter, Ramadan, etc. No Christmas decorations in the office either - we used to have a tree nicely decorated in the lobby. The handbook also now has a section forbidding us from adorning our individual work areas and desks with anything with a religious connotation. No Christmas decorations. A colleague who is a Christian used to have a little card next to her desk with a Bible verse on it about staying calm and not getting worried about things that she used to look at during the day. No longer allowed.

I also think that people these days are creating fake memories of themselves and those around them. My SIL, in particular, does this. She lives several hundred miles away so we only see her family about twice a year, at best. She’s married and has children and is constantly putting pictures of the children on social media, which would be nice as we don’t see them often and I like to see pictures of them growing up. But every single picture is filtered, edited, photoshopped, cropped, etc beyond recognition. To the point where the children don’t even look like the children anymore. She even lightens their hair colour. She’s creating an Instagram-approved version of their childhood. When I look back at photos from my childhood, when my mum used to send rolls of films off in a Truprint envelope and hope for the best, they show my childhood as it was. Real life, warts and all. No blurred-out backgrounds to hide the pile of ironing or the dishes in the sink, no colouring added to cheeks or hair, no filters to make it look like we lived in glorious sunshine every day. My SIL also makes the children pose in a certain way so that “their legs look slimmer” (her words, not mine). Fortunately it doesn’t make their legs look slimmer and their legs look like their legs. I just want to see some snapshots of the children in their carefree days of youth but all I get is a bunch of posed photos that don’t even look like them. And SIL isn’t the only one. So many people are filtering and editing their life on social media to what they think it should be that they’ve lost all sense of reality.

@Chasingaftermidnight

Free speech hasn’t gone anywhere. When people say it has gone, it largely means they want speech free from any consequence.

Exactly - they mean they want the right to offend other people without any consequences.

They also mean they have no idea what the right to free speech is - as you say, it isn’t the right to say what you like without any consequences.

No, that’s not what people are saying. There’s a huge difference between people disagreeing with you and what it happening now. Someone at my work was called in to speak to HR because she had said that only women go through the menopause. So she can’t say that because she may offend someone who doesn’t believe themselves to be the sex they were born but what about the rights of women to say stuff about our realities, our lives? That’s seen as totally unimportant now. Menopause, menstruation and childbirth are huge parts of the realities of being female. We are treated badly because of it yet we can’t even speak about it now because some men might get upset. If you call that freedom and progress and better than how things were a decade ago, you can keep it.

A lovely MN froth. There's a new one daily atm. Because, you know, we're always getting cancelled. And free speech is over. You can't even think things without losing your job. And other such made up bollox. But, you know, froth on about the terribleness of all you have to endure.

I know what you mean but I think partially it's age thing. The glory days of youth but essentially I didn't really care about stuff. Work was for money for travelling/ drinking/ clubbing/ no responsibilities. Everyone smoked/ took drugs/ drank loads. Then we all graduated, got proper jobs, mortgages, partners, children. Responsibilities piled up and so did worries about finances, children, climate change, the economy, job security, childcare,health.

The younger generation all seem very earnest and offended so I don't think they have the same experiences necessarily. Or maybe they do without so much intoxication.

@Wannalivewithcommonpeople

I admit I miss smoking, I miss not having a care in the world, not worrying about my health, the future, everything..just being in the moment.

Me too.

I definitely miss not caring about my health once or twice a week. I miss the hazy, dim pub light and having something to do with my hands

Dancing with a cigarette is dangerous and selfish. You could set someone’s clothes on fire.

And this, THIS is why the op misses earlier times.

Such a stupid comment 😂😂😂

@Chasingaftermidnight

Free speech hasn’t gone anywhere. When people say it has gone, it largely means they want speech free from any consequence.

Exactly - they mean they want the right to offend other people without any consequences.

They also mean they have no idea what the right to free speech is - as you say, it isn’t the right to say what you like without any consequences.

We are talking about cancel culture and purity spirals. Google what JK Rowling actually said then explain why she has received enough death threats to paper her house and has been ostracised and cancelled by the very people she made famous.

@ItsLoisSangersFault

A lovely MN froth. There's a new one daily atm. Because, you know, we're always getting cancelled. And free speech is over. You can't even think things without losing your job. And other such made up bollox. But, you know, froth on about the terribleness of all you have to endure.

Tell that to Maya Forstatter.

@dreamingbohemian

It's now seen as acceptable to send death threats to 'problematic' people just because you don't agree with them.

I'm not sure why you put 'now' in there. Activists of all kinds have gotten death threats and actually been killed for a very long time. Ordinary people have been sacked, threatened or killed just for being black or gay or female or what have you.

I don't think anyone should be getting death threads but the idea that this is something new that previous generations didn't have to deal with is quite blinkered.

I’m talking about people like Professor Kathleen Stock. She has said that biological reality matters and was subjected to a hideous campaign of bullying by her colleagues and students before she finally resigned. That included death threats and a poster campaign against her. Her crime was basically saying that women exist. This extreme reaction to something that is objectively incontestable is something that has only happened in the past 5-7 years or so. It didn’t used to be like that. There is a complete lack of tolerance on certain topics. Same for women who are against porn or prostitution. They are treated as if they’ve advocated genocide.

@OakRowan

What do you mean free speech, you want to be casually racist/sexist/homophobic/offensive in public? That's not the good old days.

That's what people wanting Free Speech means to you, is it?

Do you know any history at all?

I remember the police had a tent up outside our local nightclub so they could check your Es were pure and not mixed with all sorts of crap, they weren't out to arrest anyone just there for safety since they knew they wouldn't stop the drugs.

I also remember the local dealers chasing out anyone trying to bring heroin into our town too.

Even the immoral people back then seemed pretty moral in the grand scheme of things.

I was quite babyfaced as well, but still got into pubs with my massively high fringe flick and Heather shimmer lippy

I've never smoked but do miss smoking in the pubs.

I don't miss the homophobia and racism that were completely acceptable back then though. I was always made to play the part of the 'indian' (I think they specifically wrote in parts for that) and do tribal dances and whatever in plays at school. Nobody ever came out at school either, although plenty are over the last few years especially.

And I certainly don't miss getting sexually harassed by a customer and told to just accept it or flirt back because he spent a lot in the shop I worked in.

It would be nice to pick and choose elements of the 90s to bring back for sure.

@idontshareprimula

Dancing with a cigarette is dangerous and selfish. You could set someone’s clothes on fire.

And this, THIS is why the op misses earlier times.

Such a stupid comment 😂😂😂

I got plenty of cigarette burns on my clothes, never once got set on fire though .

People smoking at the foam parties clubs regularly had were hilarious.

YANBU op. I miss all of this, the 80’s and the 90’s. The sticky carpets, getting pissed and keeping up with the lads. My party trick of being able down a pint in one, skinny as a rake. Won a few bets with boys on that one. Hangovers, which lasted just a day despite having downed 6/7 pints. Dancing on the tables, carefree, crowded pubs and clubs, cheap fags and booze. Getting served at 15 and the ll knowing but not caring. No worries about spiked drinks or drugging. No savings but no real worries about the future and thinking ahead.

When the smoking ban came in, dh and I were horrified. We smoked but tbh it does make for a nicer, but more clinical experience. Everything is elf and safety. Great for some things. But for others, all the fun has been sucked out of life.

@OakRowan

What do you mean free speech, you want to be casually racist/sexist/homophobic/offensive in public? That's not the good old days.

That's what I was wondering. You can still speak freely - just not as offensively as in the past .

And "having a laugh" is still allowed as far as I know - maybe you've just got older and you don't find things funny like you used to. Kids today seem to be having fun - you're just not one of them any more.

I actually got many a nice new top or dress ruined by people walking into me with cigarettes on the dance floor! My favourite nightclub also burnt down after someone left a lit cigarette in the toilets. So I actually agree with the people banging on about smoking being dangerous.

I'm the same age range as you OP. You're having a midlife crisis and realised you're old. Welcome to the club!

I’m talking about people like Professor Kathleen Stock. She has said that biological reality matters and was subjected to a hideous campaign of bullying by her colleagues and students before she finally resigned. That included death threats and a poster campaign against her. Her crime was basically saying that women exist. This extreme reaction to something that is objectively incontestable is something that has only happened in the past 5-7 years or so. It didn’t used to be like that. There is a complete lack of tolerance on certain topics. Same for women who are against porn or prostitution. They are treated as if they’ve advocated genocide.

Yep, balaclaved students with smoke bombs standing in front of a huge 'STOCK OUT' sign on the fucking university campus. As far as I know, none of those students received any consequences for this and were subsequently celebrating reaching their goal of hounding a woman out of her job.

What was it about 'being an asshole' and 'consequences' that people were saying upthread?