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AIBU?

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Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:
Mypathtriedtokillme · 30/12/2021 13:14

@Wotagain

This a paradox I never understand about vegetarians who eat dairy products but get upset up animal rennet cheeses. Surely vegetarians know that thousands of male calves born to dairy cows, and therefore surplus to requirements are often slaughtered just after birth in order to maintain lactation? I know it is possible to purchase sexed semen to ensure only female calves are born, but this is still a more expensive option, and not in universal usage.
Where I’m from male calves are worth money and are sold and hand raised for meat and a lot more dairy farms are using sexed sperm.
DayzeeDaresYou · 30/12/2021 13:14

@Wotagain

This a paradox I never understand about vegetarians who eat dairy products but get upset up animal rennet cheeses. Surely vegetarians know that thousands of male calves born to dairy cows, and therefore surplus to requirements are often slaughtered just after birth in order to maintain lactation? I know it is possible to purchase sexed semen to ensure only female calves are born, but this is still a more expensive option, and not in universal usage.
You’re assuming every vegetarian is vegetarian because of animal welfare.

I think you’re confusing vegetarians with vegans.

SoupDragon · 30/12/2021 13:14

I've just looked at the packet of Sainsbury's grated parmesan I have in the fridge and it makes no mention of being suitable or unsuitable for vegetarians and the only ingredient is "parmesan cheese".

Not very helpful really! If you didn't know it wasn't suitable there is nothing to tell you that it isn't (apart from the fact that it doesn't specifically say that it is)

FatOaf · 30/12/2021 13:17

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

No. Most cheese isn't suitable for vegetarians because it's made using rennet from calf stomachs.

Just like much wine, beer, etc. isn't suitable for vegetarians because it's made using isinglass from fish swim-bladders.

It's amusing that meaty flavours of crisps - beef, chicken, smoky bacon, etc. - are suitable for vegetarians but cheese & onion often aren't.

Magnited · 30/12/2021 13:17

@MintJulia

But it is very clear from this thread that a good proportion of vegetarians do not know!

OnlyClothes · 30/12/2021 13:17

@SoupDragon I’ve found Sainsbury’s to be excellent with their own brand labelling so if it doesn’t specifically say ‘suitable for vegetarians’ then it isn’t. There’s something in it.

EightNationNavy · 30/12/2021 13:17

OP, perhaps get your DH to have a quiet word to say could they check more carefully next year, as - although their DDiL could NEVER EVER mention this to them herself as she sees how much thought they put into the present and would not want to upset them - most of the cheese wasn't vegetarian, so DH has been eating it instead and he feels bad about most of his DW's present ending up with him?

DayzeeDaresYou · 30/12/2021 13:19

If it doesn’t say Suitable For Vegetarians then it isn’t.

Even Cadburys with Daim chocolate isn’t suitable for vegetarians.

Appleby11 · 30/12/2021 13:20

If you like the cheese gift, and are happy to have cheese from their website, do they do gift vouchers you could ask for instead? And word it that there's others on the site you'd like to try instead of being sent ones already picked?

Movinghouseatlast · 30/12/2021 13:20

This thread really proves how you need to explain the difference to them.

The people pulling faces at you shows the total lack of understanding of a lot of people!!!

RedCandyApple · 30/12/2021 13:22

@SoupDragon

I've just looked at the packet of Sainsbury's grated parmesan I have in the fridge and it makes no mention of being suitable or unsuitable for vegetarians and the only ingredient is "parmesan cheese".

Not very helpful really! If you didn't know it wasn't suitable there is nothing to tell you that it isn't (apart from the fact that it doesn't specifically say that it is)

If it’s suitable for vegetarian it will say, if it doesn’t even it isn’t.
IDontKnow00 · 30/12/2021 13:22

I only realised not all cheeses were vegetarian friendly when I was cooking a meal for my vegetarian friend once. I started up a conversation about it when we were eating about how I never knew there were a lot of cheeses with rennet and weren't veggie friendly in until a few days before when I was planning the meal. She had no idea!! She'd been eating any cheese her whole veggie life without even realising!

So yes, I would definitely have your DH explain exactly why all cheeses aren't vegetarian. I imagine they have no idea.

LittleG69 · 30/12/2021 13:23

I’m a vegan and my friend has bought me non vegan chocolate the last couple of birthdays and Christmases. When she asks if I enjoyed it I just truthfully say that I couldn’t eat it and that my DH enjoyed it

This year she told me that part of my present was chocolate but that I could definitely eat it ‘the woman in the shop said it was definitely vegan even through its not marked as vegan’ (fair enough; things aren’t necessarily marked as vegan)

Opened it up and the third ingredient was milk powder. No idea if the woman in the shop wanted to make a sale or genuinely thought that vegans eat milk powder Hmm

Lentil63 · 30/12/2021 13:23

@Glitterkitten24

Do you mean vegan? I would assume a vegetarian would eat normal cheese, whereas a vegan wouldn’t?
This is the problem, most people don’t realise that cheese is made with a coagulant which may or may not be suitable for vegetarians. Non vegetarian coagulant (rennet) is made from a calves intestinal juices which vegetarians obviously don’t consume. Vegetarian = no animal died to make this. Vegan = nothing of animal origin including no honey or wearing wool or silk.
SoupDragon · 30/12/2021 13:23

[quote OnlyClothes]@SoupDragon I’ve found Sainsbury’s to be excellent with their own brand labelling so if it doesn’t specifically say ‘suitable for vegetarians’ then it isn’t. There’s something in it.[/quote]
I think this thread proves that the labelling is insufficient with respect to cheese!

Rainbunny · 30/12/2021 13:23

WhatsitWiggle See the link below, as I said I have to seek out vegetarian versions of parmesan and this is the one I get from Waitrose. It doesn't specifically label itself as parmesan but if you didn't read the label you'd think you were eating traditional parmesan.

www.waitrose.com/ecom/products/waitrose-vegetarian-italian-hard-cheese-strength-4/856878-688834-688835

sst1234 · 30/12/2021 13:24

Still wondering about why no one on MN talks directly other in laws and communicated only through the medium of spouse?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/12/2021 13:24

I’ve been a vegetarian most of my life (never tried chicken, fish, beef etc just pork products as a very young child) and the amount of times I’ve heard “Oh I’m vegetarian too, I just eat chicken/fish/meat sometimes.”

Like being a law-abiding person as you only ever murder somebody on the very odd occasion!!

I think a lot of people patronisingly assume that identifying as vegetarian means that you don't really like meat (as in the taste/texture) and you think it's an easy get-out to say that to avoid being served anything 'obviously' meaty. Hence the ones who will 'surprise' you with the fact they used chicken stock or whatever and say "See: you DO like meat!" - as if you're being a fussy child simply unwilling to try anything new before declaring that you don't like it.

There are probably some vegetarians out there who really did or would enjoy the taste of meat; but if you've made the ethical decision not to eat it, it's disgustingly arrogant and controlling for somebody to try to override your express wishes.

There are certain foods that I personally don't like the idea of and would never choose to eat - such as cockles and other foods that look suspiciously like crusty bogeys - but I don't object to them ethically or identify with a known descriptor indicating my deliberate, conscious total exclusion of them from my diet. If somebody gave me some delicious chocolate and I later realised that it had 'extract of cockle' in it, I wouldn't care in the least - but that is absolutely not the same as somebody who clearly tells you "I am a vegetarian" (as opposed to "I don't really like meat").

AnxiousWeirdo · 30/12/2021 13:25

There's certainly a lot of audacity on this thread ....

ErrolTheDragon · 30/12/2021 13:27

Most cheese isn't suitable for vegetarians because it's made using rennet from calf stomachs.

From what I've just been reading, the majority of cheese is vegetarian nowadays - the mass market stuff is likely to be because the fermentation-produced chymosin is cheaper and they can sell to a wider market.
It's the special, traditional cheeses which are more likely to stick with rennet. (Ditto being unpasteurised).

humdingle · 30/12/2021 13:29

"Surely you mean vegan" is the new "cancel the cheque"

SoupDragon · 30/12/2021 13:29

I have bought cheese in the past (Canadian cheddar
I think) and it specifically stated that it was not suitable for vegetarians.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/12/2021 13:29

@sst1234

Still wondering about why no one on MN talks directly other in laws and communicated only through the medium of spouse?
Of course they do. Hmm Just in this instance, since the DH got to enjoy most of the cheese, it might be easier for him to explain tactfully.
TangledUp789 · 30/12/2021 13:29

@Wotagain

This a paradox I never understand about vegetarians who eat dairy products but get upset up animal rennet cheeses. Surely vegetarians know that thousands of male calves born to dairy cows, and therefore surplus to requirements are often slaughtered just after birth in order to maintain lactation? I know it is possible to purchase sexed semen to ensure only female calves are born, but this is still a more expensive option, and not in universal usage.
There is no paradox. A vegetarian is someone who doesn’t eat bits of dead animal (for whatever reason). As long as a vegetarian isn’t eating the slaughtered male calves, they’re still a vegetarian.
nineteensixy · 30/12/2021 13:30

If they ask if you enjoyed it, I'd say that your dh ate the non-veggies ones but you enjoyed the one that was vegetarian. It's not gone to waste, but maybe it will concentrate their minds for next year if they know they gave you a present that was only 1/4 suitable.