Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

[Neolara]

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

I've been (almost) veggie for many years and my MIL sent us a Pate hamper. She's just very thoughtless and probably didn't even think things through. I do have to admit eating parmesan in restaurants or at other peoples homes if it's part of a dish and I don't check wine/beer

This thread reminds me of my family insisting DS1 is vegan because he doesn't eat sweets with gelatine in. According to them veggies don't eat meat, but will eat fish and occasionally chicken .

He's not vegan. He's pescetarian. I'd forgotten about rennet in cheese until a few years ago and panicked that I'd accidentally fed him non veggie cheese. I don't think I ever have, although it would be a genuine mistake if I did.

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
Good grief. No wonder people get confused if even a vegetarian doesn't understand what a vegetarian is!

Not all cheese is not suitable for vegetarians? It contains calf rennet? Parmesan, most blue cheeses contain calf rennet too.
My partner will only eat vegetarian cheese.

Well, today I learnt something new, never knew about non-veggie cheese!

I find it a bit thoughtless of them to continue to do it after your DH had already reminded them. Strange that they have all of a sudden decided you are a massive cheese lover too! I get stressed when having to buy something veggie/vegan/dairy-free/gluten-free etc in case I get it wrong, so it's odd they are going down the food route every time!

You can buy hard Italian style cheese which is vegetarian. You can't call it Parmesan as that has DOC protection.

[quote deadlanguage]@TangledUp789 ahh chocolate mousse, missing that and chocolate yoghurts/puddings containing gelatine is what got me started on the move from vegetarian to vegan once I discovered Alpro chocolate puddings. And now Alpro do chocolate mousse as well! [/quote]
Oh this is good info, I had a rummage all through the chocolate mousse section thinking surely by now there would be one without gelatine!

I am intrigued by how many people think all cheese is vegetarian.

I’m surprised at this thread, I always thought it was common knowledge about rennet in some cheese but obviously not. I’m not veggie and nobody in my family is either but I knew that cheese, wine, yoghurts, jelly sweets etc aren’t necessarily vegetarian.

@CustardySergeant

I'm 67 and not vegetarian and I knew about animal rennet being used in cheesemaking. I feel as if I've 'always' known about it, i.e. all my adult life and think I must've learned about the process in biology at school, when learning about the effect of enzymes and in the case of rennet, the enzyme that curdles milk. I was very surprised at the number of people on this thread who had no idea and think maybe it's not been taught at school for many decades and that's why.

I'm 60, and likewise quite astonished how many people on this thread didn't know about rennet. I suppose when we were kids that was the commonest coagulant in use for cheese making. Now (having just been googling!) it seems ~80% is made using fermentation-produced chymosin (FPC) instead - that's only been on the market since 1990.

Could she have some wafer thin ham, Barbara?

I’ve been a vegetarian most of my life (never tried chicken, fish, beef etc just pork products as a very young child) and the amount of times I’ve heard “Oh I’m vegetarian too, I just eat chicken/fish/meat sometimes.”

As suggested, pick your own cheeses and say you don’t like the other cheeses on the website. You sometimes can’t explain to people who aren’t willing to understand.

Send them a thank you note and explain the above ...

I don’t think you can blame them. The average person would assume all cheese is vegetarian, I’d certainly just reach for any cheese if I was going to a vegetarians house thinking it would be okay.

I suppose your relatives assume the same as a lot of people on this thread, that cheese is vegetarian. Not many people know about rennet and how some cheese is made. Hopefully this thread will be informative.

As a happy omnivore, I'm amazed at how many people don't know about cheese frequently being unsuitable for vegetarians - just because something doesn't look like an animal, it doesn't mean that no parts of an animal have been used in it. Have people never seen vegetarians looking at ingredient lists on all kinds of non-meaty-looking foods, to check whether it's suitable for them?

I'm guessing they're not being deliberately obtuse, but simply aren't getting that cheese is frequently made with bits of dead animal. When you or DH stress 'suitable for vegetarians', they're probably thinking you're being over-cautious and just meaning not to buy you something like a 'cheese and chipolatas' gift set (if such a thing exists?!).

They might be assuming you're mentioning being vegetarian out of habit when food is around or because you're a stereotypical V who won't stop going on about it (see also: people who don't have a TV) - they may even be taking it as affirmation from you/DH that their present 'is' suitable: i.e. 'I'm a vegetarian, so I'm very pleased that you kindly got me cheese instead of a side of gammon'.

I don't think it's entirely fair to criticise the suggestion of your DH speaking to them as it isn't simply a case of 'needing a man to speak for you' but it can come across as a bit crass and presumptuous to make requests about your own presents.

That said, I agree with enthusing afterwards over the one V cheese that you could have and how delicious it was - and that you understand DH really enjoyed the ones that weren't suitable for vegetarians, because they contain animal body parts, as most cheese does. I wouldn't say 'dead bits of animal', as that might sounds like you're being snarky, but the phrase 'animal products' is too open to misunderstanding (except to vegans).

They sound like generally kind people - just not too quick on the uptake. If you wanted to make a point, I suppose you could give MIL a big gift containing some nice floral-fragranced smellies along with a man's shaving set and wait for the puzzled reaction - but the problem is that, sometimes, the hardest-of-thinking people unconsciously hold others to much higher standards/expectations than they're able to exhibit themselves and/or assume that you are the one who doesn't get it!

I had no idea, always assumed cheese was veggie friendly.

This a paradox I never understand about vegetarians who eat dairy products but get upset up animal rennet cheeses. Surely vegetarians know that thousands of male calves born to dairy cows, and therefore surplus to requirements are often slaughtered just after birth in order to maintain lactation?
I know it is possible to purchase sexed semen to ensure only female calves are born, but this is still a more expensive option, and not in universal usage.

Sounds like they do not understand. Like lots of posters on here who think all cheese is veggie.
Tell them.
I would.

Sorry OP, I thought all cheeses were vegetarian too. I knew vegans needed special cheeses but I would have made the same mistake.

In fact I probably have at some point.

It sounds a lovely present in principle - a real treat. But could DH perhaps say to his parents that although you both love the cheeses (him - all and you the vegetarian explicit ones) it is too much at Christmas to get through and you would really love to spread it out over the year. So a voucher would be really lovely. You can then choose all the veggie cheeses that you want to try!

I do think conversations like that are better coming from the actual relative.

@rainbunny Waitrose Parmesan isn't veggie! Anything called Parmigiano Reggiano is made to a protected recipe and must include animal rennet. The Waitrose one has a warning to say it's not suitable for vegetarians.

Pecorino is a similar Italian hard cheese, but not using the protected recipe and is often made with non-animal rennet, making it a very passable alternative.

OP, I think you or your husband will have to clearly explain why you can't eat certain cheeses. Not just "it's not veggie" but specifically why so they are aware. As this thread has shown, a lot of people simply don't know.

For those that are interested This explains animal rennet quite well

www.thecourtyarddairy.co.uk/blog/cheese-musings-and-tips/rennet-what-is-vegetation-cheese-and-vegetarian-rennet/

You can be as fussy about what you eat as you like.
Other people don't have to.

As a (strict) vegetarian of over thirty years, and one who has always been very aware of rennet/gelatine etc, and also understand the differences between vegetarian and vegan, can I just say this is the most hilarious thread I’ve read in a long time 😂🤦‍♀️.

@PartyPrawnRingGames

Could she have some wafer thin ham, Barbara?

classic

@Wotagain

This a paradox I never understand about vegetarians who eat dairy products but get upset up animal rennet cheeses. Surely vegetarians know that thousands of male calves born to dairy cows, and therefore surplus to requirements are often slaughtered just after birth in order to maintain lactation? I know it is possible to purchase sexed semen to ensure only female calves are born, but this is still a more expensive option, and not in universal usage.

In the very simplest terms, yes I know those male calves are slaughtered, but I don’t want to put them in my mouth either. Just like I don’t want to put animal rennet in my mouth. Sorry I can’t think of another way to explain