Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

[Neolara]

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

Oh you’d be amazed… I went to dinner with a vegetarian in a group. After grilling to poor waiter about the ingredients in all the dishes ‘because I’m a vegetarian’, she plumped for the polenta and lamb. Yes - sheepy mehhhhh lamb.

@Idontbelieveit14

Imagine a load of people telling a vegetarian that they are wrong about some cheese not being vegetarian

Oh I don’t have to imagine. Like I said I had a stand up row with a school cook about fish not being vegetarian.

@PriamFarrl

People will pick holes in what you eat regardless, sadly lots of the time it comes from other vegetarians who are ‘more vegetarian than you’.

No, it’s not being ‘more vegetarian than you’. People who say they are vegetarian but eat fish just make like difficult for the rest of us.

I’ve been vegetarian for thirty years and vegan for five and I’ve literally never had this problem. It’s only difficult if you make it difficult. Just say no thanks and get on with life.

If anyone is thinking about going veggie, don’t tie yourself up in knots; cut out what you feel able to and if you want to get very strict about it, that’s fine, but if you don’t, it doesn’t make you less worthy,

@KittenKong

Oh you’d be amazed… I went to dinner with a vegetarian in a group. After grilling to poor waiter about the ingredients in all the dishes ‘because I’m a vegetarian’, she plumped for the polenta and lamb. Yes - sheepy mehhhhh lamb.

Did you say anything to her about that?

No - she was… hard work (I was a friend of her husband and didn’t want to get into a debate). And as I’ve said, I’ve been an actual veggie since 1984. Veganary-ites can be quite hard work too!

Henderson's Relish is the veggie alternative to Worcestershire sauce BTW.

This is why OPs in-laws keep getting her cheese. It does seem a lot if people think cheese is suitable for vegetarians. They often contain animal rennet though

No its not - the OP's inlaws have been told and explicitly asked to send vegetarian cheese but continued to send mostly unsuitable types.

@RampantIvy

Henderson's Relish is the veggie alternative to Worcestershire sauce BTW.

Biona also make a good vegetarian Worcestershire sauce for vegetarian bloody Marys

@C8H10N4O2

This is why OPs in-laws keep getting her cheese. It does seem a lot if people think cheese is suitable for vegetarians. They often contain animal rennet though

No its not - the OP's inlaws have been told and explicitly asked to send vegetarian cheese but continued to send mostly unsuitable types.

Yes, but look at the number of people on this thread who have argued that: All cheese is vegetarian They think the op is confused about being vegan rather than vegetarian. Being vegetarian can included other stuff like fish. Some things that are vegetarian aren’t.
Outdated information like ground up feathers in bread (the food standard agency say it’s now synthetic)

@PriamFarrl

People will pick holes in what you eat regardless, sadly lots of the time it comes from other vegetarians who are ‘more vegetarian than you’.

No, it’s not being ‘more vegetarian than you’. People who say they are vegetarian but eat fish just make like difficult for the rest of us.

Agreed - people using the wrong terminology encourages 'why won't you eat this fish/chicken/gelatine/etc, my friend is vegetarian too and they eat it...' Just say you don't eat meat/red meat/are pescatarian if that's the case, using accurate terminology is only ever helpful.

Yes, but look at the number of people on this thread who have argued that: All cheese is vegetarian [etc]

But this isn't randoms on a social media thread. This is their own son explaining that not all cheese is vegetarian but some is and to please look for vegetarian cheese for teh DiL with whose general diet they are presumably familiar.

I'm used to people being clueless about the minutiae of vegetarianism, not least because of all the dickheads who say they are veggie for convenience whilst tucking into bacon or chicken etc when it suits them. But this is not "people" its one to one explanation between people who know each other.

To those thinking that they can’t be veggie or vegan because of x,y,z, contrary to popular belief and vegetarian / vegan top trumps you can eat what you want and why you want and describe it however you want

Oh right, I'll unilaterally decide that the word "blue" now means "green" and start talking about the lovely blue grass. If people don't understand me its obviously their fault for not knowing my magical meanings and not me being a dickhead with words.

Most cheese is made without rennet and has been for many many years. Just Google each cheese to find out, I made a 4 cheese pasta dish a while back without thinking and in a panic googled them all, all bought at different times and different shops, they where all vegetarian.

@ineedsun

People will pick holes in what you eat regardless, sadly lots of the time it comes from other vegetarians who are ‘more vegetarian than you’.

If you’re offered something that you don’t eat, don’t eat it and explain that you don’t and why if you need to (as in the OPs situation) It’s not hard. Blimey, it’s like people look for things to get upset about.

As far as I’m concerned, the more people who don’t eat meat, the better for the animals and the planet and people’s health. If people are being put off because they don’t meet the exacting criteria or don’t understand some aspects of it and are put off by what others say then it’s a terrible shame. If people could communicate in a kinder way, it might help.

The definition of “vegetarian” does not change. If you eat meat or byproducts of animal slaughter eg rennet then actually I am “more vegetarian than you” because you’re not a vegetarian. Blimey it’s not hard to grasp. Eat what you want but you can’t call yourself a vegetarian if you’re not.

They could be just mistaken. I'm vegan and when I wasn't well my MiL very kindly brought me ice lollies...with ice cream in them. I think you need to really explain what it means. But I get your frustration!

You either are or you aren’t. ‘I’m a vegetarian - I just eat fish’ has to be one of the most irritating expressions!

I think it all hinges on exactly what the DH said to his parents. If he explained exactly and in detail why some cheeses are not vegetarian and asked them to specifically look out for this when choosing cheese then it’s perplexing this hasn’t occurred.

If, however, he has just said ‘make sure the cheese is vegetarian please’ then I imagine nothing will change. As I said prior, the majority of people honestly think all cheese is vegetarian so they will be confused thinking their cheese selection is vegetarian. Honestly, even giving it a 2 second Google (I mean, who would give this any more than that), just throws up Parmesan is not. So they would likely just think their cheeses are fine as they haven’t thrown Parmesan in. Prior to this thread that’s exactly what I would have done if someone just said ‘make sure the cheese you get x is vegetarian please’.

I don’t even understand why this is a big thing either. Seems the DH is not vego and happy to eat normal cheeses so why there can’t just be a taking off the cheese and tossing anything that doesn’t fit the bill to the DH I don’t know. Even if that’s all the cheese, what does it really matter, someone is eating it and as an adult it’s not like a gift is essential.

Hopefully that's appeased all the veggies and vegans who have not seen my many many replies.

You're inadvertently serving as a helpful marker of who hasn't RTFT, PinkWaferBiscuit.

@ErrolTheDragon

Hopefully that's appeased all the veggies and vegans who have not seen my many many replies.

You're inadvertently serving as a helpful marker of who hasn't RTFT, PinkWaferBiscuit.

I'm glad I can be of some use.

Find a diplomatic way of informing them that not all cheese is vegetarian. Phrase it so it’s not clear that you haven’t been eating the cheese. It honestly does sound like they believe they have found you a lovely gift and it would be shame to burst their bubble.
Off the top of my head you could phrase it something like …..
Hi Mil /Fil . I love your cheese gifts. It’s always exciting to open the box and discover what’s in side. It’s not a well known fact that some cheeses contain a small amount of an animal product called rennet. I would enjoy your gift much more if perhaps the cheeses you sent didn’t contain rennet…. Maybe list some of the cheeses without rennet that you consider favourites.

@Shedmistress

I'll call myself what I want thanks. To me a veggie is someone who doesn't eat meat. It easily conveys to people around me that I don't eat meat. It gets the point across perfectly. I dont care if if you want to play a game of who is a better veggie - I like chocolate and cheese and will continue to enjoy them whilst everyone around me understands I'm a veggie lol.

This is how everyone in my neck of the woods approaches it. You dont get to own words.

You are or you aren’t.

the majority of people honestly think all cheese is vegetarian so they will be confused thinking their cheese selection is vegetarian. Honestly, even giving it a 2 second Google (I mean, who would give this any more than that), just throws up Parmesan is not. So they would likely just think their cheeses are fine as they haven’t thrown Parmesan in. Prior to this thread that’s exactly what I would have done

So if someone asked you specifically to be careful of something, you wouldn't try a bit harder than a '2 second Google' - maybe like looking at the food labelling?

No wonder my coeliac husband is still given things containing gluten 😟

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Shedmistress

I'll call myself what I want thanks. To me a veggie is someone who doesn't eat meat. It easily conveys to people around me that I don't eat meat. It gets the point across perfectly. I dont care if if you want to play a game of who is a better veggie - I like chocolate and cheese and will continue to enjoy them whilst everyone around me understands I'm a veggie lol.

This is how everyone in my neck of the woods approaches it. You dont get to own words.[/quote]
I am afraid you are not if you continue to eat products made from meat.

That is literally the point of having words that mean things.

It is people like you that make actual vegetarians smash their head against brick walls.

37 years I've been hearing this. I'm kinda bored by the 'I'll call myself what I want' brigade.

I self ID as a vegetarian…