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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:
flippertyop · 30/12/2021 17:50

I also had no idea that some cheeses weren't veggie so I expect your in laws think they same - why don't you just tell them? I have been toying with going veggie but I can't give up cheese so that's a no no now

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 30/12/2021 17:53

DH needs to explain it clearly to them and ask them to either not buy cheese or cheese you can eat

Margay · 30/12/2021 17:55

@flippertyop

I also had no idea that some cheeses weren't veggie so I expect your in laws think they same - why don't you just tell them? I have been toying with going veggie but I can't give up cheese so that's a no no now
You don’t have to give up cheese! Buy vegetarian cheese!
Phrenologistsfinger · 30/12/2021 17:57

I was veggie for 30 years (from conception) and having been vegan now for 10 years this thread really reminds me what a pain in the bum it was to check cheese was veggie all the time! School dinner ladies were alwayscthe worst (‘but cheese isn’t meat?!’) then my in laws at the time always thought I ate fish (after ten years they never learnr!). So much easier being vegan!! Everyone (almost everyone) knows what that means Grin

Withnailandyou · 30/12/2021 18:00

Pesto is a real pain for this. Most green pesto isn't veggie suitable due to the hard cheese, and I've found some restaurants assume pesto pasta is veggie and don't bother to check

Weeble09 · 30/12/2021 18:07

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
You're not a vegetarian then, you just don't eat meat. A vegetarian won't eat cheese made with animal rennet. A vegan won't eat any dairy.

Nor is anyone who eats fish a vegetarian, they're what a previous boss of mine would call "just a fussy eater".

FeedMeSantiago · 30/12/2021 18:17

You have my sympathies OP, DH and I have had this issue too!

We're veggie but IME a lot of people think a vegan is a vegetarian who doesn't eat fish (and sometimes chicken and bacon too - I worked with a woman once who said she was 'veggie except for fish, chicken and bacon'.

DH and I are both veggie and eat eggs, dairy and honey, so definitely not vegan but we do seek veggie cheese, veggie wine etc. DH's parents don't get this at all. They don't understand why we a) don't just eat the turkey once a year on Christmas day, b) don't want goose fat roasted potatoes c) don't want meat juices adding to our veggie sausages d) won't eat gelatine sweets and e) why we won't eat parmesan and other non veggie cheese.

DH just needs to explain it very clearly and failing that ask that they buy him cheese and get you something else.

RampantIvy · 30/12/2021 18:20

The poster whose oh is vegetarian and eats parmesan, no parmesan is vegetarian, so most pesto is also not vegetarian.

Vegetarian pesto is widely available at all supermarkets, it contains a is a hard cheese alternative to Parmesan.

Xanthum gum is sometimes not suitable for vegans if it is made from whey or egg whites. Usually it is it is extracted from the fermentation of corn, soy, or wheat.

I have been toying with going veggie but I can't give up cheese so that's a no no now

Why? Most British cheeses are vegetarian, and most non British cheeses can be substituted. Supermarkets often do their own brand – for example Tesco own brand Pecorino, and Morrisons Manchego are both vegetarian.

ineedsun · 30/12/2021 18:26

To those thinking that they can’t be veggie or vegan because of x,y,z, contrary to popular belief and vegetarian / vegan top trumps you can eat what you want and why you want and describe it however you want. Just understand that someone will always pick holes in and judge your choices and be prepared to explain the specific details of your preferences if you need to.

thetinsoldier · 30/12/2021 18:30

Lots of cheese isn't vegetarian - Parmesan, some cheddars, pecorino, manchego, Gorgonzola are all made with rennet.

Your ILs should have checked more carefully!

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 30/12/2021 18:32

@ineedsun

To those thinking that they can’t be veggie or vegan because of x,y,z, contrary to popular belief and vegetarian / vegan top trumps you can eat what you want and why you want and describe it however you want. Just understand that someone will always pick holes in and judge your choices and be prepared to explain the specific details of your preferences if you need to.
Well you can call yourself a veggie and eat non-veggie food. But you'd be a twat to do so. My vegetarian friend is quite sick and tired of being served fish as the "vegetarian option" because so many people call themselves veggies who aren't. If you don't eat meat, but do eat cheese with rennet in then just say you don't eat meat. Don't call yourself a veggie if you aren't. Ffs.
thetinsoldier · 30/12/2021 18:34

@flippertyop

I also had no idea that some cheeses weren't veggie so I expect your in laws think they same - why don't you just tell them? I have been toying with going veggie but I can't give up cheese so that's a no no now
If you're thinking about going veggie then you'll need to start reading labels - a lot of foods that you think is veggie might not be. Think jellies and sweets with gelatine, some cheeses, pesto, wine...

Check this out for more - www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/foods-you-think-are-vegetarian-arent

satci · 30/12/2021 18:36

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians. Confused
No it isn't!
ineedsun · 30/12/2021 18:40

People will pick holes in what you eat regardless, sadly lots of the time it comes from other vegetarians who are ‘more vegetarian than you’.

If you’re offered something that you don’t eat, don’t eat it and explain that you don’t and why if you need to (as in the OPs situation) It’s not hard. Blimey, it’s like people look for things to get upset about.

As far as I’m concerned, the more people who don’t eat meat, the better for the animals and the planet and people’s health. If people are being put off because they don’t meet the exacting criteria or don’t understand some aspects of it and are put off by what others say then it’s a terrible shame. If people could communicate in a kinder way, it might help.

satci · 30/12/2021 18:41

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Had no idea so much cheese contained animal rennet. Suppose every day is a school day.

If it's bothering you that much I would ask them to cancel, I suspect like many people they think cheese is fine for vegetarians.

It has been brought up to them though so no excuse really.
ginslinger · 30/12/2021 18:50

poor PinkWaferBiscuit - she's come back on and apologised and held her hands up and still people are quoting her - there were loads of others who said it too.

Let's cancel the cheese!

Whinge · 30/12/2021 19:06

@ginslinger

poor PinkWaferBiscuit - she's come back on and apologised and held her hands up and still people are quoting her - there were loads of others who said it too.

Let's cancel the cheese!

Yep you can really tell who has read the thread. 🤦‍♀️

Pink has acknowledged she was wrong, those who have come on since and harassing her are the ones who should be embarrased.

FatOaf · 30/12/2021 19:23

Don't get me going on veggie recipes/restaurants & Worcester sauce!

This was a storyline on Coronation Street many years ago: Emily Bishop telling Spider he mustn't use Worcestershire sauce (because of the fermented anchovies, but I can't remember whether this was stated explicitly).

Curlyreine · 30/12/2021 19:36

Oh this thread has made me giggle. Don't people know what they are eating? Wait until some of the posters discover Prosecco isn't vegetarian as well...

baffledbunny · 30/12/2021 19:37

I think that if they sent you the cheese as a gift once or twice, then just thank them as it;s a kind gesture. But if they keep doing it regularly then I think you need to tell them, in a nice way, to stop. It's not fair on them or you and luckily it doesn't go to waste as your husband eats them but otherwise I guess they would.

Anyway, that's my take on it. I've not voted yet.

LennyAndTheDucks · 30/12/2021 19:49

@Curlyreine

Oh this thread has made me giggle. Don't people know what they are eating? Wait until some of the posters discover Prosecco isn't vegetarian as well...
M&S Prosecco is.

Lots of alcohol is labelled veggie/vegan these days.

LennyAndTheDucks · 30/12/2021 19:51

But yes considering how many people seem to think vegans can’t eat regular bread, pasta or proper chocolate a lot of people are ignorant about what basic foods are made of.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 30/12/2021 19:51

@ginslinger

poor PinkWaferBiscuit - she's come back on and apologised and held her hands up and still people are quoting her - there were loads of others who said it too.

Let's cancel the cheese!

It's OK I've flogged myself with a lump of cheddar as penance and written 1000 lines saying "I know nothing"Grin

Hopefully that's appeased all the veggies and vegans who have not seen my many many replies. Grin

PriamFarrl · 30/12/2021 19:52

People will pick holes in what you eat regardless, sadly lots of the time it comes from other vegetarians who are ‘more vegetarian than you’.

No, it’s not being ‘more vegetarian than you’. People who say they are vegetarian but eat fish just make like difficult for the rest of us.

Idontbelieveit14 · 30/12/2021 19:56

Imagine a load of people telling a vegetarian that they are wrong about some cheese not being vegetarian Hmm

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