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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:

RandomKettle500 · 30/12/2021 14:40

Still, it’s not as bad as my poor dd who is anaphylactic to dairy and egg. She still gets sent dairy chocolate by relatives and a particular grandparent tried to feed her cheesecake, saying “a little bit won’t hurt!

BlondeDogLady · 30/12/2021 14:42

I think lots of people don't understand the difference between veggie and vegan. My adult son is vegan. No one else in the family is. It's surprising how many foods are not vegan even when you would assume they were. For example, garlic bread, garlic mushrooms, onion rings - suitable for vegetarians but not suitable for vegans. I was reading a lot of labels!

MerryChristmasToYou · 30/12/2021 14:46

@RandomKettle500

That's appalling. I would have torn the grandparent off a strip for that. Won't hurt her ?- it could kill her

Margay · 30/12/2021 14:46

I even had this from a nurse at my GP surgery. When I said I was vegetarian she asked if I ate fish. I said no, of course not, so she insisted that meant I was vegan. She just wouldn’t have it that I’m vegetarian.

CustardySergeant · 30/12/2021 14:48

@Margay

That's very weird.

CakeRabbit · 30/12/2021 14:51

Didn't you know, fish are vegetables. They grow on a fish bush.

Margay · 30/12/2021 14:52

@CustardySergeant

I wrote a letter to complain, it wasn’t even acknowledged!

BTW, is your name a Fred Colon Discworld reference?

CustardySergeant · 30/12/2021 14:54

[quote Margay]@CustardySergeant

I wrote a letter to complain, it wasn’t even acknowledged!

BTW, is your name a Fred Colon Discworld reference?[/quote]
No, I've never read any Terry Pratchett. It's just a very silly name because I'm a very silly person.

Margay · 30/12/2021 14:55

@CustardySergeant ah well, it’s a good name!

CustardySergeant · 30/12/2021 14:59

Oh, thank you very much!

Simonjt · 30/12/2021 15:00

@Margay

I’ve had this as well, I think a lot of people think fish aren’t animals. I also don’t eat dairy, but I do eat eggs, the GP insisted that I do eat dairy because I eat eggs, I eventually asked him if eggs came from udders.

Butchyrestingface · 30/12/2021 15:01

@Neolara

Just to clarify, I'm veggie not vegan. As people above have said, the issue is with the rennet which comes from calf's stomach. Lots, but not all posh cheese use rennet.

This thread has actually been very helpful. I'd assumed my in laws understood why some cheese was not vegetarian, but clearly this fact is not as well known as I'd thought. Maybe my DH just needs to explain this to them more clearly so they understand why I don't eat certain cheeses.

It's news to me too, @Neolara. So very instructive. Cheers. Everyday's a school day.

Hope you get some nice Vegetarian cheese next time.

Landof · 30/12/2021 15:01

I wouldn't have known about the Rennet thing so I assume perhaps your in laws don't know either..thanks for informing me as I have some veggie friends :)

Piglet89 · 30/12/2021 15:02

*I think a lot of people think fish aren’t animals”.

Fucking HELL.

Simonjt · 30/12/2021 15:04

@Piglet89

*I think a lot of people think fish aren’t animals”.

Fucking HELL.

Thats how they justify the whole ‘fish don’t feel pain’ ‘fish don’t suffer while they slowly suffocate’ as they tuck into their salmon

PartyPrawnRingGames · 30/12/2021 15:07

This meme just popped up on my FB and made me think of you veggies on this thread.

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

Elphame · 30/12/2021 15:09

I'm finding veggie cheese is now really easy to find. I was buying cheese today for my NYE guests and nearly all the UK made ones were vegetarian ( clearly marked with a big green V - thank you Waitrose)

Parmesan is always a problem - every time we eat at an Italian restaurant I'm always having to fend off the man with the big grinder even when I've ordered vegetarian ( which can be hard in Italian restaurants unless they use British cheeses)

JuniorMint · 30/12/2021 15:12

@PartyPrawnRingGames

This meme just popped up on my FB and made me think of you veggies on this thread.

Well… the “pigs” are veggie I suppose. It’s the blankets that are not. In the Nan’s defence she didn’t say “veggie pigs in veggie blankets”

CustardySergeant · 30/12/2021 15:12

"the GP insisted that I do eat dairy because I eat eggs, I eventually asked him if eggs came from udders."

How did he respond?

As for people not thinking fish are animals, that's ludicrous. They're not plants!

LalalalalalaLand123 · 30/12/2021 15:13

This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian.

This is right in the first post.
So contrary to what most PP say, the in-laws were aware that there is vegetarian cheese and non-vegetarian. And they purposely chose mostly non-vegetarian.
It's incredibly rude. OP I'd probably get DH to say something again, probably along the lines of Neolara couldn't eat most of the cheese, why did you get her non-vegetarian food?

lottiegarbanzo · 30/12/2021 15:19

So contrary to what most PP say, the in-laws were aware that there is vegetarian cheese and non-vegetarian. And they purposely chose mostly non-vegetarian.

Nonsense. They just didn't understand what he was saying, as he didn't explain himself fully, so his remark passed them by.

Simonjt · 30/12/2021 15:20

@CustardySergeant

"the GP insisted that I do eat dairy because I eat eggs, I eventually asked him if eggs came from udders."

How did he respond?

As for people not thinking fish are animals, that's ludicrous. They're not plants!

He changed the subject as he clearly couldn’t admit that sometimes like anyone he is wrong

FruitMelange · 30/12/2021 15:26

Half my extended family are vegetarian and 3 vegan. You'd have thought I'd know about rennet in cheese, but it's news to me. I'd think they just don't realise. I think I'd just let my husband eat it. I couldn't be bothered making a thing of it.

TractorAndHeadphones · 30/12/2021 15:29

Vegetarian means no rennet isn’t that obvious.
AFAIK vegetarians don’t eat animal products that kill the animal so one could be forgiven for thinking that unless it had obvious meat it was vegetarian.

There’s also the whole lacto-vegetarian, ovo and whatnot.

Speak up - and make a fuss only if its STILL not clear to them.

humdingle · 30/12/2021 15:47

Surely nobody actually thinks fish aren't animals? 😂

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