Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

[Neolara]

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

Finding myself as a veggie getting irritated by the know it alls who shouted at OP that she is a vegan, not a vegetarian and that all cheese is veggie (and even one person claiming fish is vegetarian :D) I stopped reading through all the posts.

To answer the question you asked OP (as opposed to the one you didn't ask 'Am I a secret vegan, and I've just never realised ?' ) I think you should tell your in laws - a selection of vegetarian cheeses would be a lovely present, they clearly don't understand the distinction and haven;t heard of rennet, but they obviously mean well and want to treat you. Get your husband to re iterate that the cheese needs to be veggie and maybe he could look at the site they buy from and suggest which ones they buy. It is a waste for them to spend money on something you can't eat.

@SoupDragon

I've just looked at the packet of Sainsbury's grated parmesan I have in the fridge and it makes no mention of being suitable or unsuitable for vegetarians and the only ingredient is "parmesan cheese".

Not very helpful really! If you didn't know it wasn't suitable there is nothing to tell you that it isn't (apart from the fact that it doesn't specifically say that it is)

Sainsbury's are very good at labelling all their vegetarian cheese so if it doesn't have a green circle with a 'V' on the packet then it's not a vegetarian one.

Going back to a point about Haribo not being veggie/vegan, some of them are and if anyone is interested

www.chooseveganism.org/haribo-vegan-vegetarian/

I’m veggie and in this situation I wouldn’t say anything because as DH is enjoying the cheeses they’re not going to waste.

I agree. The in laws always buy us a joint present if alcohol. I don't drink - which they know - but I don't say anything. This year it was a modest bottle and some cash so while dh enjoys his port I will spend the cash!!

I still think that's setting the bar very low, when it's family, though. The whole idea of a present is that it's something you know/hope the recipient will like. It's not a generic token gift from your corner shop to all the regulars that you can accept the good intentions of before passing along: it's your in-laws. Giving a joint present to your DS & DIL that you know one of them cannot use/will not like is worse than just giving a present to your own DC and nothing at all to their spouse - at least, that way, your contempt/lack of consideration for them is honest.

Can you for a single moment imagine them giving a joint present to you both of a makeup selection box and expecting their DS to be happy?

@SoupDragon

I've just looked at the packet of Sainsbury's grated parmesan I have in the fridge and it makes no mention of being suitable or unsuitable for vegetarians and the only ingredient is "parmesan cheese".

Not very helpful really! If you didn't know it wasn't suitable there is nothing to tell you that it isn't (apart from the fact that it doesn't specifically say that it is)

If it doesn't state 'suitable for vegetarians' that clearly means it's not.

I was gobsmacked to learn that Figs aren't vegetarian !

I bought a Fig Tree (Aldi bargain)
It stated "Do not eat the first years fruit" ( cannpt remember why)
Next year I had lots of fruits appear but none got bigger than a marble , they fell off
Next year I thinned ut the fruits , there were 5-6 ........the bloody birds ate them.
Next year .it died .

I have never eaten figs , I don't really want to eat figs , the seeds creep me out
Just as well , because ( as I found out after I bought the tree) a wasp climbs into the fruit to fertilise it and dies ..in the fruit .
Eurgh .
I did wonder though , they don't have flowers that I can recall .

All of these comments are making me laugh. Of course the OP knows she isn’t vegan and told them the wrong thing, many cheeses are not vegetarian 😬😬

If it doesn't state 'suitable for vegetarians' that clearly means it's not.

Why the snarky face? My tin of Sainsbury's water chestnuts doesn't say "suitable for vegetarians" so presumably it isn't.

As is proved by this thread, lots of people don't realise cheese might not be vegetarian. Having the ingredients as "cheese" really isn't helpful.

Am I the only one thinking that, if somebody specifically and expressly asked me for a vegetarian version of a foodstuff that I might have already assumed was always suitable for vegetarians, that would be a massive spur to me to carefully look into what previous assumptions on my part might have been mistaken - rather than shrug and assume they were deliberately talking nonsense?

As we've already covered, genuine ignorance is one thing, but arrogant ignorance - and using that ignorance to beat others who are not ignorant - is quite another.

@Xmasbaby11

Hmm. I know a lot of cheese contains rennet BUT I have a lot of vegetarian friends, all of whom eat any cheese, and also eat gelatine. I know this because when they come for dinner, I check what they can eat. I have another friend who says she is vegetarian but in fact is practically vegan because she doesn't like dairy or eggs - but there is the odd non vegan thing she eats, so she doesn't call herself that. I think these days you have to check very carefully what the person is willing to eat.

It seems 'vegetarian' is a general label but not everyone who uses it actually follows it to the letter. They are strict about some things but not others. Perhaps your in laws have similarly vegetarian friends who eat all cheese.

I'll let you into a secret...

Your vegetarian friends who eat gelatine are not vegetarian 😉

@70isaLimitNotaTarget

I was gobsmacked to learn that Figs aren't vegetarian !

I bought a Fig Tree (Aldi bargain)
It stated "Do not eat the first years fruit" ( cannpt remember why)
Next year I had lots of fruits appear but none got bigger than a marble , they fell off
Next year I thinned ut the fruits , there were 5-6 ........the bloody birds ate them.
Next year .it died .

I have never eaten figs , I don't really want to eat figs , the seeds creep me out
Just as well , because ( as I found out after I bought the tree) a wasp climbs into the fruit to fertilise it and dies ..in the fruit .
Eurgh .
I did wonder though , they don't have flowers that I can recall .

They are vegan according to this vegan website www.veganfriendly.org.uk/is-it-vegan/figs/

@AmyDudley

Finding myself as a veggie getting irritated by the know it alls who shouted at OP that she is a vegan, not a vegetarian and that all cheese is veggie (and even one person claiming fish is vegetarian :D) I stopped reading through all the posts.

To answer the question you asked OP (as opposed to the one you didn't ask 'Am I a secret vegan, and I've just never realised ?' ) I think you should tell your in laws - a selection of vegetarian cheeses would be a lovely present, they clearly don't understand the distinction and haven;t heard of rennet, but they obviously mean well and want to treat you. Get your husband to re iterate that the cheese needs to be veggie and maybe he could look at the site they buy from and suggest which ones they buy. It is a waste for them to spend money on something you can't eat.

But can she have wafer thin ham Barbara? 😂😂

This thread is fascinating. I've always been pretty convinced that mansplaining is very much male behaviour and something women almost never do. And then endless comments (yes I know men do use this site too but is skews very female) from women mansplaining vegetarianism to a vegetarian!

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

Many cheeses include rennet from animal stomach - only cheese marked "suitable for vegetarians" is vegetarian

Wow I’m so surprised by the number of YABU votes! I’m not even vegetarian but I thought the rennet thing was common knowledge. I guess not though, so yes OP it sounds like you do need to spell it out more clearly to your in laws. Their hearts are in the right place but they probably don’t even realise what the problem is.

If I’m cooking for vegetarian or pescatarian friends where I’m not sure how strict they are, I usually ask what their stance is on Parmesan, gelatine, wine etc. Some don’t care as long as they aren’t eating chunks of actual meat, while others are much more careful.

I want some cheese now!

I knew that authentic parmesan was a problem, but had absolutely no idea that other cheeses presented an issue. If all you said to the in-laws was the cheese needs to be vegetarian, they probably think they are doing well.

@PinkArt

This thread is fascinating. I've always been pretty convinced that mansplaining is very much male behaviour and something women almost never do. And then endless comments (yes I know men do use this site too but is skews very female) from women mansplaining vegetarianism to a vegetarian!

Oh mansplaining vegetarianism to vegetarians is very much an equal opportunities sport!

The trouble is I know a few vegetarians and some ensure they only have vegetarian cheese and wine and others do not. So it can be a bit tricky to know whether it will be an issue or not. That being said I would always err on the side of caution and buy veggie.

I have been vegetarian since forever, and am well-used to others expecting me to eat fish or chicken, my MIL suggesting turkey at Christmas “because it’s Christmas”, not knowing that Worcestershire sauce is not vegetarian, that gelatine really isn’t suitable either, and neither is every cheese on the supermarket shelf. My DM has known me all my life and still “forgets” this stuff. I accept that a lot of people just don’t know all this, and will always check myself.

However, what irks me more is that I have had to have “interesting discussions” in restaurants with trained chefs, who will tell me that I’m wrong. The discussion about Parmesan is always one I have had to have, and they swear it’s vegetarian purely because it’s cheese. The fact that other customers may have eaten it doesn’t mean that it’s OK to serve to a vegetarian. It is NOT vegetarian.

One of my most infuriating chats was explaining to one chef that the cauliflower steak really couldn’t get cooked on the griddle with all the meat products and still be called vegetarian. And no, just washing off the meat juices it was basted in wouldn’t help.

You need to explain clearly that some cheese contains rennet and you don't eat it. Letting them buy it and not eating it is the worst of all worlds.

Tbh I think back in the day many vegetarians weren't too strict about cheese, the same as many weren't or aren't about beer filtered using fish scales and whatever.

I don't think ;many non vegetarians know about the use of rennet. I was served some wonderful artisan cheese in a Michelin starred restaurant in Bristol on their full vegetarian tasting menu. I decided to order some for us to eat at home only to discover it was not vegetarian!

I'm not vegetarian, but DD is. I am disappointed that far too many professional chefs still don't "get" it, especially with Parmesan and pesto. The ignorance is astounding.

Like Doveyouknow I always err on the side of caution when providing food and drink for vegetarians and vegans. One thing I do is never assume, and always ask them if something is suitable.

It’s not just on here that like to explain this stuff, I’m vegan but a supposed chef friend told me that eggs are vegan. I was gobsmacked and tried to explain but DH got up the vegan society website and read their definition out, apparently the friend had been told by vegans eggs were ok.... maybe for those so called vegans but not for most of us.

I would like to think restaurants work to the normal definitions but I’m not convinced they all do

Most vegetarians (I think, I am one and know many others who do) eat cheese made with rennet (and drink wine or beer made with isinglass).

Absolutely not true of “most” vegetarians. You aren’t vegetarian if you non-vegetarian food. Some people give up meat for health reasons and might claim to be vegetarian for ease of explanation that they avoid meat, fish etc, but anyone who is vegetarian for moral/ethical reasons does not knowingly eat rennet or non-vegetarian alcoholic drinks.

Oh mansplaining vegetarianism to vegetarians is very much an equal opportunities sport!

Meatsplaining?!