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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bow often do you see your family/mum?

114 replies

Iyf865rny · 30/12/2021 07:03

After seeing my family over Christmas, DH has been complaining that I insist on seeing my family every other week. My mum and I are fairly close and though we live around an hour away I love popping back home. DH thinks once a month is plenty and we have our own life to be getting on with. How often do you see your family?

OP posts:
senorafridgidaire · 30/12/2021 07:07

I last saw my mum in summer 2019!

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2021 07:10

If my mum lived an hour away I'd probably try and see her every fortnight too but she'd be the one to suggest that once a month was plenty Grin.

PineConeWar · 30/12/2021 07:10

Pre Covid, once occasionally maybe twice a year. Since Covid we haven't. Video chat once a week or two.
IL's pre Covid MIL once a week, PIL's together once a month. Since Covid a handful of times (once or twice in 2020 and a handful of times this year). Video chat on birthdays, phone once a week more or less.

TheStickMan · 30/12/2021 07:11

Every day or if not every other day. My parents live 2 minutes away from us so we see them all the time.

GoodnightGrandma · 30/12/2021 07:12

You should see your mum as often as you want to.
If he’s complaining about that I’d be concerned.

bonetiredwithtwins · 30/12/2021 07:20

Do you have children? Do you visit on the weekend? Do you work full time? Every other weekend is a bit much as even though it's only an hour it's still likely half the day or more you are out

I found when I had first child once a month was "enough" now I have more children and they have clubs.hobbies etc it's significantly less - they can visit us if they want to

TreeSmuggler · 30/12/2021 07:23

I see my mum every 1-2 weeks, but my DH only comes if it's a special occasion. Otherwise he enjoys a lie in and some quiet time. If your DH had to come along every time, that would be the only reason I could understand him being annoyed. Family time is great but a weekend is two whole days. Half a day to visit parents gives your DH some time to relax, then there is 3.5 whole days for "family time". Seems like than enough time for everything.

WoodenReindeer · 30/12/2021 07:24

I live 10mins from each of my parents. Dad probably every couple of months. Mum every week or 2,sometimes longer. Was a couple of months at a time over covid. Usually only for a couple of hours!

WoodenReindeer · 30/12/2021 07:25

When we were an hour away (prekids) it was every few months. When we were 2 hours away and with kids it was a few times a year but I definitely wanted to see my mum more then as they were little.

Woodlandwater · 30/12/2021 07:26

I call once a week but only see my parents once a year (so only once in the last three years). They live 3-4 hours away and I just can't get to them around work and school runs.

MarmaladeCloud · 30/12/2021 07:26

About once every 1 to 2 years. She lives a 9 hour flight away

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 30/12/2021 07:31

I see my mum most weeks and we speak almost every day.

I didn't see my dad from Feb 2020 until boxing day this year and only speak once a month or so. I'm going to try and make more of an effort in future to speak/see more often.

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/12/2021 07:46

If you are making your DH go with you for long 4+hour visits
Or...
your mum is staying overnight/for weekends in your house
Or...
You disappear sat morning returning 9pm sat evening
Then its a conversation.

If he is saying you can't go see your mum on your own time during the week or for a few hours at a weekend then it's a no from me

SmallElephant · 30/12/2021 07:50

My parents live about an hour away too. When the DC were little they would come over once a week to help out with childcare, but since they stopped doing that I see them once a month or so (pre Covid - less now). PILs live a bit further away and we see them less often but for longer each visit.

So more similar to your DH but there's no right or wrong here, it's whatever works for you. Do you pop over on your own or does DH come too?

I'm close to my parents btw.

trumpisagit · 30/12/2021 08:02

In what way this impacts your DH is what is important.
Do you have toddler twins that you leave with DH?
Do you go for the entire weekend?
Do you insist DH comes too?
If not it is entirely up to you how much you see your Mum.
I lost my Mum a decade ago, so I think you should see her as often as you want.

VitaminA · 30/12/2021 08:04

I think once every fortnight is too much only if you expect your DH to come along too. If you don't expect him to come, you can go as often as you like imo.
I live a 5 minutes' drive from my parents and see them 2-3 times a week because they do a lot with my DC. If it weren't for the DC, I'd see them maybe once every 10 days or so.

ginsparkles · 30/12/2021 08:31

My mum does a lot of our school runs so we see her 4 times a week most weeks and we regularly go out for dinners with her and her partner.

My dad lived 3 hours away and until he died earlier this year we would see him 2-3 times a year. I regret massively not making the effort to see him more often now that I can't see him at all.

With my in laws we see FIL and his wife regularly, every couple of weeks and MIL, once a month or so. Every year I remind myself we should see siblings and in laws more often than we do, but there's not enough days in the week.

mumofmunchkin · 30/12/2021 08:35

My parents live an hour away and we see them on average probably every 2-3 weeks. Sometimes that's a family visit at a weekend, sometimes I meet up with my mum and preschooler midweek (I work part time). We've got 3 kids and one on the way, and both dh and I get on with my parents and they are fab with the kids, so it works for us.

SlashBeef · 30/12/2021 08:35

Every day

user1487194234 · 30/12/2021 08:36

Every week,and often more
My DH would not dream of commenting on this

XmasElf10 · 30/12/2021 08:39

Pretty much every day. We live on the same street… my sister too. I pop in for coffee most days or wave ax I pass with the dog. My and DD and my sister and her family hang out at mums for days over Xmas (she cooks, we eat!!). We are very close.

Insert1x20p · 30/12/2021 08:40

March 2020 but we live in different countries. Hard to know if your DH is being unreasonable without knowing how the trips impact him or your DC (if any). If it takes a whole day every other weekend or are completely non-negotiable, regardless of what else is on offer, I can see why that might seem a lot

Emerald5hamrock · 30/12/2021 08:41

I'd see my Dsis's at least twice a week, same thing when DM was alive, we spoke on the phone every day.
We're a close family.
What is it that bothers him?
I wish I'd visited DM even more now she is gone.

DarkCorner · 30/12/2021 08:43

Once every few days minimum, sonetimes every day. I also have a DP who isn’t happy about it so interested in the responses!

NameChangeCity123 · 30/12/2021 08:44

@TheStickMan

Every day or if not every other day. My parents live 2 minutes away from us so we see them all the time.
Same here