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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bow often do you see your family/mum?

114 replies

Iyf865rny · 30/12/2021 07:03

After seeing my family over Christmas, DH has been complaining that I insist on seeing my family every other week. My mum and I are fairly close and though we live around an hour away I love popping back home. DH thinks once a month is plenty and we have our own life to be getting on with. How often do you see your family?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iyf865rny · 30/12/2021 08:45

We used to live close but then moved further away once we bought our house. No kids yet. At the moment, we both go over for Sunday lunch which admittedly does take over most of the day. Perhaps I should go by myself. I was reading the other thread about the boyfriend going over to see his family every other week and all the posters were advising the OP had to set boundaries or leave him. Seeing as am in the same set up, I was wondering whether it really is such a big deal. I would hope DH doesnt leave me over it

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/12/2021 08:45

I see my mum maybe once every three months for a duty visit. My daughters I see probably once a week.

snapsieplopp · 30/12/2021 08:45

I see my mum & mil at least once a week but we all live really close.

RussianSpy101 · 30/12/2021 08:46

2/3 times a week. Only twice a month doesn’t seem enough to me.

Bushkin · 30/12/2021 08:48

My mum - 45mins away- probably every 8 weeks or so. We all work full time and life’s just busy. We text or speak on phone most days though.

Emerald5hamrock · 30/12/2021 08:50

It really depends on the distance there was a time I'd only see them every few months with a 100 miles between us.

Trinacham · 30/12/2021 08:52

At least once a week. Although my mum is in the same town so takes me a couple of mins to drive to her and vice versa!

sofakingcool · 30/12/2021 09:00

Probably once every 4-6 weeks.

They live an hour away, so not too far, but as they've always been the type to insist that we have to spend a decent amount of time with them - ie arrive late morning and leave late evening - it's become harder as our children have got older to have a fully free day that frequently.

A shame really, as we see my MIL (lives opposite direction) every couple of weeks - but she only really wants a cup of tea and a chat and doesn't get upset in we don't bring the children every time, so much easier to arrange to see her

Original poster
Iyf865rny · 30/12/2021 09:01

We also live in the same town but as it's London, it really does take an hour to get back to theirs

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 30/12/2021 09:03

Maybe he comes with you once a month and you go on your own another time?

Snowiscold · 30/12/2021 09:07

Twice a year, perhaps. Or three times. They live over five hours away.

BooksAndGin · 30/12/2021 09:08

I saw my mum first time in three years in the summer for a week. Sad Enjoy it op i wish my mum was on my doorstep I'd see her every other day if I could.

Diditopknot · 30/12/2021 09:10

I am obligated to take her shopping weekly.

If it wasn’t for this, I would not hear from her from one year to the next.
She has no interest in seeing myself or my kids at all.
She needs food shopping so I take her.

StampOnTheGround · 30/12/2021 09:11

Every fortnight, sometimes more never really less

Stellaris22 · 30/12/2021 09:15

Mine lives 4-5 hours away so 1-2 times a year. Living closer for childcare would be useful but we're all adults so don't see the need. We focus on our young DD instead. Same with DH family who live 4-5 hours away also.

Ruibies · 30/12/2021 09:17

Probably see my mum every couple of months, but talk on the phone or text several times a week.

DH would happily see his parents more often than that but I find it draining, we probably see them every 4-6 weeks on average. But I will see my mum just for lunch or brunch or a few hours and for PILs it's always the whole bloody weekend. So I resent it a bit more.

I wouldn't be going for Sunday lunch every week or fortnight, do you never have other stuff you want to do at the weekend??

TeddyBeans · 30/12/2021 09:24

I see my parents 3-5 times a week as they look after DS for me while I work. DP sees them occasionally. I see DP's parents once in a blue moon but DP works with his parents so sees them 5 times a week

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 30/12/2021 09:24

See both DM and MIL every week because they look after DS , see DF and FIL every few weeks. Speak to my mum by text most days phone once or twice a week. Haven't seen her since Christmas Day but we're taking the DNs and DS to the panto Sunday

Jayaywhynot · 30/12/2021 09:28

I see my mum every day, she lives round the corner, I pop in, take her shopping, dive out in the car etc, it has no effect on my oh, he's quite happy when I say I'm off to my mums, I have to force him to go see his own mum 🙄
My mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer so I'm glad that I've spent a lot of time with her

WeeHaggisFace · 30/12/2021 09:29

Once a week sometimes more. By the end of this week it will be 5 days out of 7 we will have seen my Dad and 4 days out of 7 we'll have seen my Mum.

I've seen MIL and FIL twice in the last 7 days DH has seen them twice but once on a different day so between us 3 times in the last 7 days.

SmallElephant · 30/12/2021 09:31

Maybe alternate so that you go on your own once a month and he comes with you once a month? How often do you see his parents?

Original poster
Iyf865rny · 30/12/2021 09:32

the reason why we're still doing the sunday thing is that we used to all ive around the corner from each other. Only recently moved to a different part of london and now DH isnt so keen on the travel. Was wondering what everyone else does.

OP posts:
SmallElephant · 30/12/2021 09:54

Could they come to you sometimes instead? So it's not always you doing the travelling?

galacticpixels · 30/12/2021 10:00

My family live 5 hours away so I only see them occasionally. My sibling who lives near my mum sees her probably once a week because of the grandkids.

We live near DP's parents (20 min drive away) and see them probably every two weeks, sometimes stretch it to every three weeks. They talk on the phone once a week. DP is obviously free to go as often as he wants ourside of that but this is the set up that seems to work for him.

weegiemum · 30/12/2021 10:05

I see my parents about every 4-6 weeks. They live 60 miles away. It evens out, sometimes they come to us, other times we go to them. As dc are all adults now they have their own visits to grandparents. Ds goes every couple of months on a Friday if he's not working to take his grandpa for a pint or two, it's a lovely relationship.

I really missed then during lockdowns, and we're hoping to see them in the next few weeks, haven't since end of November for dd2s 18th.

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