She was 42?! I’m 44

[AmIoldbutdontrealiseit]

Shirley Valentine. Sat watching it on Channel 5, obviously seen it before but when very young so it didn’t have quite the same impact.
Cannot believe she was 42, I’ve just turned 44 and whilst I don’t feel young, I’m surely not frumpy and middle aged, pretty as she was, if you know what I mean?
The anorak wearing, egg and chip making and very mumsy, almost grandma feel?
I realise it was set in the 80’s but is it that we look/act younger now, or that we’re really middle aged and frumpy but don’t realise it 😬
In comparison, I have a 3 year old Dd, a career, live abroad, have longer hair, wear converse, parka and Gucci bag (just example today’s outfit) use Instagram, have many interests. My life is mainly centred around Dd so isn’t wild as in before, clubbing, festivals, travelling etc…but..is this what my age is really like inside?

Hope that made sense 🤣

What struck me was when Shirley was talking about her husband, and said 'I planned on leaving him when the kids leave home. But now they've left, there's nowhere for me to go.'

That speaks volumes. There really IS nowhere to go for most ordinary women.

SO many posters come onto threads where a woman is complaining about their husband for some reason, and the 'leave the bastard' comments come on in droves. Followed by the 'I left mine when I was 53, and have never been happier.' OP says 'but I'm 57, it's too late for me to start over.'

Along come a bunch of posters with the usual predictable bollux - like 'I have a friend who left her husband when she was 60, retrained for a fabulous new career, and she's now on £75K a year, and she has a wonderful new life with a new bunch of friends, and men half her age are falling over themselves to date her.'

Of course, this only happens in the fantasy world of mumsnet. This would never happen to an ordinary 60 year old woman. And despite the bizarre cries of 'I look 20 years younger than I am and am frequently ID'd for alcohol, knives, batteries etc,' the vast majority of people do look their age, and the vast vast majority of 60 y.o.s look their age. Some look older, very few look younger.

In reality, what the F is a 60 y.o. woman going to get if she leaves her husband? A life in a grim one bed flat, no surplus income, and no spare time as she will be working so many hours to make ends meet. OR she will be on benefits, scraping the pennies from the back of the sofa for a loaf of bread. THAT will be the reality for most.

Also, what kind of man will she get? A man in his 60s that's what. She is not going to get a hot, fit man in his late 30s or early 40s, because no fucking WAY is a man like that going to go for a 60 y.o. woman. The only way that would happen is if she had a lot of money, and that would be the only reason. And as soon as he got his claws in it he'd be off.

The parallel world of mumsnet is quite hilarious sometimes.

Her husband could have raped her and because she was married, it was not a crime until the 1980s

1991, by persuasive precedent from the House of Lords. Not explicitly written into statute until the Sexual Offences Act of 2003. Such recent history.

I'm 44.

I think there's definitely a different approach to maturity between then and now.

I think people assume the same or similar level of responsibility as previous generations but there has been a shift towards more enjoyment of what's available.

I also think that as society has approached maturity differently we have also approached emotional maturity differently

I blame coldplay

@SleepingStandingUp

The actress was 49 when the movie was made though, so hence she might have looked good but she didn't look 42.

This. ^ Most people don't look more than 5 or 6 years younger than their age, and Pauline Collins, although she is pretty and looked good, did look older than 42. More like 46/47.

As I mentioned before, the 'I get ID'd for booze/ciggies/matches even though I am in my early 40s' brigade make me laugh. I can believe a 42-43 y.o. could pass for 35/36, but not under 25. (Even though you only have to be over 18 to buy this stuff, you have to look over 25 if you have no I.D. So that is the target age. You need to look over 25.)

No fucking WAY does anyone of 42-43 look under 25. They just don't . If this has genuinely happened to someone in their 40s it's not that they look 20 years younger, it's because the person serving is shit at guessing ages, or your mask is covering your face, so it's hard to tell. You still look your age.

I am in my mid 50s, and like a few others here, I have never EVER been asked for I.D. for age, and right up to my late 40s, I looked 5 to 8 years younger all of my adult life (you know, a believable, realistic amount of years younger,) and I have NEVER been asked for I.D.

In my mid 50s now, I look my age, and I am happy with that. Why are so many people (women mostly) SO desperate to be thought of as looking younger?

Thanks for the correction BarkMinster. I had no idea it was so recent!

I saw a fascinating TikTok video the other day where a young-looking, fashionable 40 year old did her hair and makeup the way 40 year-olds in the 80s did theirs, and poof! Suddenly she went from looking young-ish and trendy and vibrant to looking like an old lady!

My mum was told when she turned 30 (back in the 90s) by several people "oh, you'll have to stop wearing jeans/high heels/cut your hair short now". Our ideas of when people are supposed to get "old" have changed so much.

@SleepingStandingUp

The actress was 49 when the movie was made though, so hence she might have looked good but she didn't look 42.

48 apparently, but I think this explains the whole thread. She was closer to 50 than 40.

I agree. Im 40s and I wear clothes that my teenage nieces would probably also wear and even my 6 year old sometimes wears stuff that I think oooh I’d wear that.
When my mum was my age she had a certain look and the Lady Di hair do.

No fucking WAY does anyone of 42-43 look under 25. They just don't. If this has genuinely happened to someone in their 40s it's not that they look 20 years younger, it's because the person serving is shit at guessing ages, or your mask is covering your face, so it's hard to tell. You still look your age.

I agree with this. I know people in their 40s who say they get ID'd (and I have been too). They look good, but they do not look under 25 by a very long shot. I think masks make it particularly hard for staff to tell someone's age, so they err on the side of caution.

And most people don’t smoke any more. In the past everybody did and it is ageing and bad for your skin
My DH used to work in a factory with a lot of Eastern European workers and he said a lot of them looked much older than him and were surprised that he was the same age. A lot of them smoked and drank quite heavily, plus their food may not have been as good when they were younger if they came from a poorer area.

There’s plenty of mid 30s on my FB who look older than Shirley Valentine ever did thanks to too much drinking, drugs, having kids and smoking, ageing can be self inflicted or a byproduct of lifestyle and circumstances.

Let’s not forget the film intentionally over portrays her as downtrodden and frumpy but had you mentioned it to me without saying her age I would have said mid 50s from memory.

thats what middle aged mums generally dressed like in the 80s. Not unrealistic.

There’s a really funny TikTok video about this - not sure the link will work if you don’t have TikTok but here goes. - vm.tiktok.com/ZM8KLM2SN/

@BlondeDogLady

Let's not forget Botox is rife now, but it wasn't available back then. Me and almost all of the women I know have Botox.

Which just makes the rest of us who can't afford it look older. I wonder if people look at me and think I'm old because I don't get botox.

I have the sudden desire to watch this now.

I want Botox!

@LittleRoundRobin TBH you paint a picture of a certain group of women but there are other women- professionals- you do start again at 60 or thereabouts and whose lives are not like the one you describe. Often they have their own careers still, a good pension and are still attractive. Many divide up the family assets of a big house and have enough for a very nice home of their own.

There are also women who are widowed in their 50s and 60s who manage to meet men again. I know one who had 2 more men after her husband died- she outlived them all.

"I’ve basically not changed what I wear since I was younger and pre mum, so yep"

Which means you're old fashioned I suppose, from a younger person's point of view?

@Gwenhwyfar

"whereas now a 40something just looks like a 20something with a few more laugh lines."

Err.. I'm not going around wearing a crop top, leggings as trousers and massive trainers.

Suit yourself. I'm almost 40, and I might

I have my eye on some colourful Nike high tops right now.

In the 1800's the women in wealthy families considered themselves old at 30 and settled down to an 'old' persons lifestyle.

@2022newname

In the 80’s even 20 year olds looked a bit frumpy thanks to the fashion. Also I believe that Pauline Collins was more like 48 when it was filmed.

Yep. I had at least three friends who had that "style" back then. We were early 20s.

Strangely, back in the late 70s when I was in my early teens, one of my mum's friends said I looked like Pauline Collins (who was in a TV series at the time). I'd totally forgotten about it until I watched Shirley Valentine recently and did a double take as I genuinely thought it was me in one scene

This. ^ Most people don't look more than 5 or 6 years younger than their age, and Pauline Collins, although she is pretty and looked good, did look older than 42. More like 46/47

This = there is a huge amount of facial ageing between the age of 40 and 50. (I know, I am 48). I don't think people change that much until they get to 40 but once mid 40's arrive its a pretty rapid change thereonin.

[quote Itsmemaggie]There’s a really funny TikTok video about this - not sure the link will work if you don’t have TikTok but here goes. - vm.tiktok.com/ZM8KLM2SN/[/quote]
It is funny, but I think the main thing is that she really zoomed in the camera at the end so we can see the wrinkles and sagging that we couldn't see before.

@endofbluenight

This. ^ Most people don't look more than 5 or 6 years younger than their age, and Pauline Collins, although she is pretty and looked good, did look older than 42. More like 46/47

This = there is a huge amount of facial ageing between the age of 40 and 50. (I know, I am 48). I don't think people change that much until they get to 40 but once mid 40's arrive its a pretty rapid change thereonin.

I really think it is impossible to tell the difference between someone when you are talking of 4-5 years.

I have friends in their mid 60s who look younger than some women in their early 50s. A lot is to do with lifestyle and genes.

@appleturnovers that sounds really interesting, you don't happen to have a link do you?