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Original poster

She was 42?! I’m 44

336 replies

AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 22:42

Shirley Valentine. Sat watching it on Channel 5, obviously seen it before but when very young so it didn’t have quite the same impact.
Cannot believe she was 42, I’ve just turned 44 and whilst I don’t feel young, I’m surely not frumpy and middle aged, pretty as she was, if you know what I mean?
The anorak wearing, egg and chip making and very mumsy, almost grandma feel?
I realise it was set in the 80’s but is it that we look/act younger now, or that we’re really middle aged and frumpy but don’t realise it 😬
In comparison, I have a 3 year old Dd, a career, live abroad, have longer hair, wear converse, parka and Gucci bag (just example today’s outfit) use Instagram, have many interests. My life is mainly centred around Dd so isn’t wild as in before, clubbing, festivals, travelling etc…but..is this what my age is really like inside?

Hope that made sense 🤣

OP posts:
Gloriagayn · 30/12/2021 09:44

Perms are to blame for me. Everyone had one

BlondeDogLady · 30/12/2021 09:45

godmum56 Thu 30-Dec-21 09:38:05

I don't know anybody who has botox

I suspect that you do, it's just that most people won't offer up that information! I was having a drink recently with 2 neighbours and one commented how we were all looking quite good for our age (for context, I am 52, they are 46 & 42), so I just said "well, I have botox", and then they both said "so do I". No one has ever mentioned this before and we have been neighbours for years. It's not obvious either, because it's been done really well.

Jessie75 · 30/12/2021 09:45

@Gloriagayn

Perms are to blame for me. Everyone had one
This is deeply concerning to me as I have naturally curly hair and I do get the reaction whenever I have it straightened at the hairdressers that I look 10 years younger it’s very upsetting
senorafridgidaire · 30/12/2021 09:49

I think times are different now - my DM retired just after 50, and acted like and referred to herself as an 'old lady' from then on. I'm pretty much the same age now and struggle to even consider myself middle aged, I still feel young even though I know my colleagues in their 20s don't think I am!

Bluntness100 · 30/12/2021 09:51

The whole point of the story is she was old and frumpy, before her time, hemmed in, the put upon wife.

In forty years folks will think forty year olds look old. Because the look today will become dated.

I recall my step grandmother, tall slim woman, very lady like dressing like hyacinth, short bouffant styled grey hair, I now know she was only in her forties at that stage, she looked more like a woman in her seventies now.

However my own grandmother kept her hair dyed brown till she died in her eighties, wore hairpieces to thicken it that were undetectable, wore pencil skirts and chiffon or silk blouses, did she look younger, I don’t think she did, as a child or teenager we think anyone over the age of forty looks ancient.

SFisnotsimple · 30/12/2021 09:54

@namechanged221

Apparently converse are the new 'mum boots'

I learned this on a S&B thread!

That's not a good thing btw

I know this is meant well but this sort of thing really pisses me off.

So fed up of older women/mums being looked down on. The whole Karen thing, side swipes at looking "mumsy" etc is so damaging to women. Men aren't criticised for looking "dadsy".

ravenmum · 30/12/2021 10:00

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dad_bod

SFisnotsimple · 30/12/2021 10:01

[quote ravenmum]en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dad_bod[/quote]
Yea fair point but not as common parlance as slagging off middle aged women.

sashh · 30/12/2021 10:03

I think a lot of women did age early.

For most you lefts school, got a job, found a mate, married, gave up work to look after the house, husband and children.

I can remember looking through a clothes catalogue and my mum saying, "oh that would be nice, for someone young, not for me"

This would have been in the 80s so she might have been early 40s.

I remember her telling a friend that she hadn't been in touch with for a while that she spent her 40th birthday crying.

I spent my 40th in London, having fun and drinking far too much.

My mother also used to talk about my grandmother being a '10 shilling widow', my grandmother was widowed before she was 40 (or maybe 50) so didn't get a full 'widow's pension' so had to work, my mother thought this was scandalous.

CounsellorTroi · 30/12/2021 10:06

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Remember we’ve only really been big on spf for the last couple of decades or so. sun ageing will be a big factor in how much older people looked in years gone by.
And most people don’t smoke any more. In the past everybody did and it is ageing and bad for your skin.
billy1966 · 30/12/2021 10:07

Loved that movie.

"Educating Rita" is another movie around that time, similar theme, really enjoyable, though very of its time.

ancientgran · 30/12/2021 10:16

@Jessie75

I’m 46 and still having amazing sex with 36-year-old man with abs, have no interest whatsoever in an old fella with a moustache ! I do obviously still eat eggs and chips though we mix it up a bit and have beans on toast occasionally as well. I should say I’m also single !
You could go mad and have egg and chips with beans. I love my chips dipped in the beans sauce and egg yolk. I'm living the high life.

Having said that I'm nearly 70, still working, bringing up teenage grandson, regularly doing a 400 mile round trip to visit relative in care home and have to do it in a day as I'm DHs carer.

I probably look like a bag of rubbish some days, frumpy might be an improvement but I've got good skin.

peaceanddove · 30/12/2021 10:30

I'm 51. When I first met MIL she was only 48. She had already firmly embraced a hard perm, M&S Classic clothes and Footglove shoes. She easily looked 60.

But I have always believed that people are either born middle aged, or they're not. Sometimes DH can drive me up the wall, but I love the fact he is still very boyish at heart. My Auntie is pushing 80 but is still a party girl - last week we were practicing French skipping in her kitchen. I love a bit of frivolity and spontaneity - and will never understand people who just seem to be existing rather than actually living.

snapsieplopp · 30/12/2021 10:37

I don't think people looked actually older eg wrinkles, sagging I think it was the styling & make up.

CSJobseeker · 30/12/2021 10:37

@3scape

Insta is just the 2020s version of some middle aged housewife magazine though. All perfect houses and housekeeping and bragging about life whilst battling some addiction to shopping or such. Boredom is boredom
Very true!
Original poster
AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 30/12/2021 10:39

@daimbarsatemydogsbone Converse *and parka, not fur lined

Here’s the bitchy comment 🤣at least explain yourself, yes I *am old and frumpy then? I’ve basically not changed what I wear since I was younger and pre mum, so yep

OP posts:
evilharpy · 30/12/2021 10:39

I love this film but haven't seen it in years - just checked and it's on Sky/Now TV if anyone wants to watch it (or Channel 5 with ads). I'm a year younger than Shirley, unbelievable.

My mum was 40 when I was born and looked older than Shirley. She had the short helmet perm, as did all her sisters, which I think was incredibly ageing. And also Deirdre Barlow glasses. She is in her 80s now and she and all her friends still have the same helmet perm. I'm assuming that it'll die out with her generation. She dresses younger now though than she did in the 80s and has much better glasses!

snapsieplopp · 30/12/2021 10:45

I’ve basically not changed what I wear since I was younger and pre mum, so yep

I'm guilty of this too but think this can age us.

ShampooDoodle · 30/12/2021 10:48

That’s the 80s for you. My mother was in her 40s in the mid 80s and she wore exactly the same old woman clothes Shirley does, permed hair

bozzabollix · 30/12/2021 10:49

I’m 46 and watched it with my teenage son last night who was appalled at Shirley’s treatment. Didn’t see her as being anything like my age. I think it’s her life, the fact she’s downtrodden and the drudgery of the set. It ends when she looks almost unrecognisable.

I don’t think our generation are anything like but you do get certain people who are almost born middle aged. Generation X I think found it hard to grow up!

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/12/2021 10:51

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas

Egg and chip making 😂😂🍳🍳.

I 44 and I made ham egg abs chips tonight, for dd!”

Really, really want ham, egg and chips now Grin

(Or “chips and egg”, which SV said: always thought that was a bit weird)

DeepaBeesKit · 30/12/2021 10:52

People will think the same about you in 40 years

Bollocks2Covid · 30/12/2021 10:54

There was something about everyday 80’s fashion that made women look so frumpy and old before their time. Even teenagers looked frumpy. It’s still probably the worst decade for fashion.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/12/2021 10:55

"whereas now a 40something just looks like a 20something with a few more laugh lines."

Err.. I'm not going around wearing a crop top, leggings as trousers and massive trainers.

LizzieSiddal · 30/12/2021 10:57

A bit of history and context…
In the 1980s a woman in her 40s would have been born and brought up during or after WW2 Her parents would so have been almost Victorian!

She would not have had the right to get a mortgage on her own until the 1970s
Her husband could have raped her and because she was married, it was not a crime until the 1980s
She was not entitled to equal pay until the 1970s
Ere etc etc

A lot of younger women don’t realise how much has changed over the very recent past and women had to fight tooth and nail to get equal rights. Which is why many older women are angry at the erosion of woman's rights which is happening right now.