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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She was 42?! I’m 44

336 replies

AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 22:42

Shirley Valentine. Sat watching it on Channel 5, obviously seen it before but when very young so it didn’t have quite the same impact.
Cannot believe she was 42, I’ve just turned 44 and whilst I don’t feel young, I’m surely not frumpy and middle aged, pretty as she was, if you know what I mean?
The anorak wearing, egg and chip making and very mumsy, almost grandma feel?
I realise it was set in the 80’s but is it that we look/act younger now, or that we’re really middle aged and frumpy but don’t realise it 😬
In comparison, I have a 3 year old Dd, a career, live abroad, have longer hair, wear converse, parka and Gucci bag (just example today’s outfit) use Instagram, have many interests. My life is mainly centred around Dd so isn’t wild as in before, clubbing, festivals, travelling etc…but..is this what my age is really like inside?

Hope that made sense 🤣

OP posts:
ColinRobinson · 29/12/2021 23:19

God, I want egg and chips now.

I know what you mean though, OP. I’m 45 now and don’t seem to have the Shirley Valentine mindset at all, but do have a 34 year old husband.

IrishMamaMia · 29/12/2021 23:20

Haha I was just thinking this before I even clicked your thread Grin. I've never seen it before and just caught a clip but will catch up on it later.

lollipoprainbow · 29/12/2021 23:20

I was saying to my friend whilst watching I wonder if she went home or stayed or if her husband came out to live with her, guess we'll never know!! It made me emotional watching this as it reminded me of lovely holidays there with my late stepdad and lovely mum.

IcedPurple · 29/12/2021 23:22

I'm a decade older than her, but yet I feel 'younger' than her.

Different era I guess.

Now, nobody would think anything of women in their 40s or well above going for a 'girls' holiday'. Back then, if the film is accurate, it was pretty scandalous.

There's also the fact that as a woman who had never really had an identity as an adult, other than through her husband and children, was now at a loss with the kids having flown the nest. That can still happen, of course, but usually at a somewhat older age, and women have more options now.

Plus, as others have said, women then were expected to 'dress their age' in a way which isn't so true now. I still wear clothes, at least the ones that fit, from decades ago and nobody thinks it's odd. Or maybe they do but are just too polite to tell me!

Grapewrath · 29/12/2021 23:25

I thought the same when I watched it recently however watching it as a child in the 80s I definitely saw similarities in Shirley and my then late 30s mum. Maybe women have got better with age in the last 20 years

Gilda152 · 29/12/2021 23:25

I think 42 year olds in the 80's looked back at 44 year olds of the 50's and probably felt very much the same.

I bloody love that film and having been to greece recently where everyone is absolutely charming I can understand why she thought why bloody not go for it.

I turned 50 this year and todays outfit was dress/tights/trainers/big woolly teddy bear coat and a tiffany chain seeing as we're dropping brands Grin . I do tend to have a younger outlook/look than some 50 year old I know, though having lost both parents now has aged me up considerably so I do feel a little less bright and breezy than I was and this no doubt reflects in my appearance.

toomanypasswords · 29/12/2021 23:25

Ha! I knew what this was about from the title. Also 44 and had had v similar thoughts!! 😀
Realised my mum was younger than i am now when this came out 😱.

Gilda152 · 29/12/2021 23:27

I would also definitely eat egg and chips, cba with instagram, have long dark hair and would love to live where SV lived, Woolton is an expensive part of town.

Beamur · 29/12/2021 23:30

When my Mum was 42 I was 21. She'd been married more than 20 years and was pretty fed up. She left my Dad a few years later and was much happier! I think she would have totally 'got' Shirley.
I was in a very different place at the same age.

namechanged221 · 29/12/2021 23:30

Apparently converse are the new 'mum boots'

I learned this on a S&B thread!

That's not a good thing btw

Original poster
AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 23:30

@toomanypasswords Same, my mum was 37 when it came out, she was and is gorgeous, but also seemed sort of like that in a way (god, she’d go nuts for me saying that!) seems younger now in clothes etc and outlook 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
PriamFarrl · 29/12/2021 23:31

@UkuleleRose

When the Golden Girls started I remember how shocked some people (men) were that they wore super fashionable clothes because they were “old” and was that appropriate. 🙄 I’m now older than they all were and think they looked like my gramma.
At the start of the series the Golden Girls (well the younger three) were all meant to be in their early 50s……
Original poster
AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 23:31

@namechanged221 🤣Yes probably, you see, I *am the same as Shirley Valentine was, I just don’t see myself like that. Frumpy and past it too

OP posts:
MrsSantaClausitback · 29/12/2021 23:32

Just finished watching it. I’m 40. my thoughts too- shocking!!

She should’ve stayed in Greece!

PriamFarrl · 29/12/2021 23:32

Oh and have a look at 80s footballers ageing badly on Twitter.

IcedPurple · 29/12/2021 23:32

@MrsSantaClausitback

Just finished watching it. I’m 40. my thoughts too- shocking!!

She should’ve stayed in Greece!

She did!
Everydaydayisaschoolday · 29/12/2021 23:32

I'm sure you look fabulous OP but plenty of women your age and even younger look still look dowdy nowadays. It's just a more modern style of frumpy. The modern equivalent of SVs look would be something like saggy leggings and a baggy T-shirt with a scraped back ponytail and instead of cooking egg and chips she'd be eating frozen pizza or pinging a ready meal. And this forum is full of posts by women who live lives of quiet drudgery married to bone idle men or women whose husbands don't 'allow' them out.

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 29/12/2021 23:33

It's the fashion of the times. Back in the 80s, this sort of style wouldn't have been seen as middle-aged - it would have been standard for a woman in her 40s.

Original poster
AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 23:33

@namechanged221 Can you link the thread please? Many of my early 30 something mum friends have just bought the black and white boots recently 😅intrigued to read

OP posts:
StarryNightSparkles · 29/12/2021 23:34

I watched Shirley Valentine when I was young and vowed never to become a chips and eggs wife, stuck in a box with daily chores/life grounding me down.

Pleased to say I have stuck to that.

GreenGreenTreesOfHome · 29/12/2021 23:35

I am watching that too. And back in the day (when it was out,) I thought 'Shirley' was like, ten years older. She did seem downtrodden and frumpy. But as you say, women did seem frumpy - even in their early 40s, but not in 1989! More like pre 1970s I would say.

42 seems quite youngish now! Not a spring chicken, but certainly an age where you could leave your DH, and start over (if your kids were grown,) and retrain for a new career.

IrishMamaMia · 29/12/2021 23:35

I guess it really reflects how women's lives have changed for the better.

IrishMamaMia · 29/12/2021 23:36

I know so many cool and glamorous women in their forties, doing exciting things.

GreenGreenTreesOfHome · 29/12/2021 23:38

@IrishMamaMia

I guess it really reflects how women's lives have changed for the better.
True.
Original poster
AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 23:38

@StarryNightSparkles Same, it was quite strong in my mind to not end up living what I perceived as a dull life. It’s only become slightly close since I became a mum (the fairly boring routines, cooking etc) and I took 40 years to get to that point, so I’m ok with that

OP posts: