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Original poster

She was 42?! I’m 44

336 replies

AmIoldbutdontrealiseit · 29/12/2021 22:42

Shirley Valentine. Sat watching it on Channel 5, obviously seen it before but when very young so it didn’t have quite the same impact.
Cannot believe she was 42, I’ve just turned 44 and whilst I don’t feel young, I’m surely not frumpy and middle aged, pretty as she was, if you know what I mean?
The anorak wearing, egg and chip making and very mumsy, almost grandma feel?
I realise it was set in the 80’s but is it that we look/act younger now, or that we’re really middle aged and frumpy but don’t realise it 😬
In comparison, I have a 3 year old Dd, a career, live abroad, have longer hair, wear converse, parka and Gucci bag (just example today’s outfit) use Instagram, have many interests. My life is mainly centred around Dd so isn’t wild as in before, clubbing, festivals, travelling etc…but..is this what my age is really like inside?

Hope that made sense 🤣

OP posts:
Dnaltocs · 31/12/2021 22:28

Some are born old. Some are never old. To most it doesn’t matter we live the life we want or move on hopefully bringing our husbands with us.

Modern looking big eyebrows = humorous regardless of age.

fetchacloth · 31/12/2021 22:28

@RoyalFamilyFan

And Madonna really does not look better than she did when she was 20.
You're right there. She could get away with looking OTT back then but now looks frankly ridiculous. It's a fine line keeping up with trends and not being the object of ridicule.
fetchacloth · 31/12/2021 22:34

@BellaChagall

When I first saw Shirley Valentine I was in my 20s and Shirley was a mumsy older woman. I watched it the other night and when they said this mumsy older woman was 42 I nearly choked on my wine. I'm in my late 50s but she still looks old to me.
What Shirley Valentine was wearing represented the fashions of the time for that age group, similar to what my mum would have been wearing then. Also I think the hairstyles back then didn't help either.
fetchacloth · 31/12/2021 22:39

@CPL593H

I'm nearly 60 and after reading quite a lot of this thread, what comes across to me is the fear of age, mainly the physical appearance of age, in so many posts. It is very, very apparent.

Well, the world has the youth= beauty equation. It always has and it probably always will, while it is tied to fertility. I can only suggest that the alternative, "live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse" has its own drawbacks, mainly being dead.

I don't think about looking young anymore. It is pointless, because I am not young. I want to look like the best version of me that I can, the one I am happy with, with my own style and doing that makes me happy. This is an advantage we have over most women in previous generations, not being so pigeonholed, and we should make the most of it.

Totally agree with thisSmile
Thickasmincepie · 31/12/2021 23:38

If I dressed like I did at 20, I'd turn heads for the wrong reasons. It was all pvc, fishnet and spiky dog collars. And my lecturers never even blinked[shockGrin

My boobs don't hold a corset like they used to, either. I am slightly slimmer and my face has more angles, but young people are more attractive because they're young. There's no way round it. It's like our ovaries send out messages.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 31/12/2021 23:42

@Thickasmincepie

If I dressed like I did at 20, I'd turn heads for the wrong reasons. It was all pvc, fishnet and spiky dog collars. And my lecturers never even blinked[shockGrin

My boobs don't hold a corset like they used to, either. I am slightly slimmer and my face has more angles, but young people are more attractive because they're young. There's no way round it. It's like our ovaries send out messages.

You're right, but it's hard to accept. So much of my identity is tied up in my looks, it's hard to know who I am if it's not "attractive."

Thickasmincepie · 01/01/2022 00:48

To be fair, I think I look better in my 40s than my 20s. Definitely more conventionally stylish and I go for a kind of marilyn glamour. I also know how to flirt now.

But when you get close, I'm still 40 something Wink

Thickasmincepie · 01/01/2022 00:50

I didn't get attractive until late teens. 'Swot' was my, unwanted, identity. So, 'clever' was my primary identity, but I totally embraced 'sexy' when I hit my Courtney love phase.

Owl55 · 01/01/2022 01:05

Early 70s and I was 14 working in a supermarket for a Saturday job , bare in mind at that that women’s lib and women’s views on their role were changing , I was shocked that a young women who worked on the till was giving up her job as she was getting married! At that time it was quite commonplace. Women’s work, clothes and attitudes to many things have changed massively since then.

RoyalFamilyFan · 01/01/2022 01:40

A girl from school got a job in a local shop and told me she was glad to have it as it would give her money until she got married and started having kids when she could quit - the early 80s.
My own SIL in the early 80s left her low paid job when she had her first child and hasn't worked since. My brother is not a high earner, they have been seriously skint some years.
During the Miners Strike in the 80s there were lots of tales of women who had always been wives and mothers and only done low skilled jobs such as part-time cleaner, getting confidence by being involved in the work to support the strike and stepping out of their traditional roles. The film Pride is good at portraying how traditional sex roles still were for so many people.
Of course, there were feminists and career women too. But I think a lot of younger people don't realise how fast things have changed. And then they berate older divorced women for not having much of a pension.

Tigerlilynuj · 01/01/2022 02:05

Different times. I come from a northern town and remember in the eighties that most women in their 40's with families lived life around their kids / family and didn't work. If they worked it was part time. The economy wasn't great either so if working class most families bought clothes from the market or high street and nights out were down the local or social club. I don't think the fashions were particularly flattering back then either. Mums always had a god awful perm and wore some pretty frumpy knitwear that aged them instantly. The 80's have a lot to answer for in terms of fashion.

ClareBlue · 01/01/2022 02:22

@AmIoldbutdontrealiseit

Now just watching a show about the 90’s with Oasis etc on…and I’m 16 again. Having experienced that and still thinking it doesn’t look sad or dated, how can I be middle aged and like Shirley Valentine 😅getting older is shit!
The alternative to getting older isn't great either😅
MovinOnUp · 01/01/2022 04:56

Never mind 42.....Her dodgy pal is Pam from Gavin and Stacey, That's the thing that's shocked me!

Bangolads · 01/01/2022 10:43

I mean people lol you get now then they did before. I’m reading a non fiction novel and there is a picture of a women in her 50s- she looks at as if she’s in her 70s. However Shirley valentine is a film. They’ve they’ve deliberately made her lol down trodden🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ The mention of your outfit was ridiculous tbh.

Iamthewombat · 01/01/2022 11:10

My mum was told when she turned 30 (back in the 90s) by several people "oh, you'll have to stop wearing jeans/high heels/cut your hair short now". Our ideas of when people are supposed to get "old" have changed so much.

Bollocks. No way was this an endemic attitude in the 1990s. No way. The ‘several people’ were probably taking the mick.

Iamthewombat · 01/01/2022 11:10

I’m reading a non fiction novel

Eh?

Bangolads · 01/01/2022 11:31

@Iamthewombat yes it’s a ‘book’. You might have heard of them perhaps? The reference to non fiction obviously used to illustrate the fact that this was ‘real’ as opposed to the film Shirley Valentine which is not real. I hope this helps. I’m understanding your mumsnet name now😂

Iamthewombat · 01/01/2022 11:33

A novel is a work of fiction.

It doesn’t take much to get you to spit poison, does it? That must be tiresome for you.

BellaChagall · 01/01/2022 11:34

Bangolands I'm with Wombat on this. How can a novel be non fiction?

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 01/01/2022 11:36

'Novel' is not a synonym for 'book'. By definition a novel is a work of long-form fiction. A novel cannot be non-fiction.

PriamFarrl · 01/01/2022 11:53

[quote Bangolads]@Iamthewombat yes it’s a ‘book’. You might have heard of them perhaps? The reference to non fiction obviously used to illustrate the fact that this was ‘real’ as opposed to the film Shirley Valentine which is not real. I hope this helps. I’m understanding your mumsnet name now😂[/quote]
Oh fuck me. That might be one of the funniest things I’ve read on here.

I love how angry, superior and completely wrong you are.

Dillydollydingdong · 01/01/2022 19:05

When I was 40 I felt quite old. Now that I'm 70, I don't feel old at all. I'm less stressed not having to get up and go to work. I try to keep control of my weight, keep hair long and brown, drive 300 miles a week, live in jeans and boots, chase around after the dog and children, and love the boyfriend. Life is fun.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 01/01/2022 19:46

I was watching another 80s film - E.T - earlier and musing that I rather liked some of the mum's clothes. Not the prissy, high-necked blouses, but the midi skirts with high boots and waistcoats looked rather good, and I loved the dungarees she wears at one point. She had short hair, but not permed or particularly bouffant, and I thought she looked entirely believable as a woman old enough to have three kids, one a teenager, without looking "middle-aged" - just as well really, as the actress playing her was only 34!

Just a different example of 80s fashions not necessarily being frumpy and ageing.

RoyalFamilyFan · 01/01/2022 20:31

@Dillydollydingdong when my mum retired, she said after a few months she felt healthier than she had for years. She was no longer stressed by a stressful job and was sleeping far better.
I have had times in my life when times have been hard when I have felt ancient. That isn't really about age, it is about having a lot to deal with.

georgarina · 01/01/2022 20:39

I definitely think people acted older in the past. My aunt is late 50s and has dyed hair, shops the same places as me, goes out at night. Whereas when my grandma was the same age she had grey permed hair and wore knitted cardis and was very much a grandma. Perceptions have changed about what's 'young' and 'old' and there's less judgment about people not looking or acting 'their age'.