Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS wasted his christmas money

353 replies

katkitty · 29/12/2021 22:07

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 30/12/2021 11:39

Jesus the amount of money I wasted on vodka and fags at 17 was eye watering 😂 at least he isn't pissed out of his scull in the back seat of a supped up Renault Cleo parked at the local coastal car park at night with lads in their 20's chain smoking.

I feel like I might know you 👀😆

rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2021 11:44

I would consider it a waste of money but I'm older and have a mortgage and don't think like a 17 year old!
My DC was given money for birthday and Christmas a few years back to pay for driving lessons. He then went to uni and put the lessons on hold but being young, slowly worked his way through the 'driving lessons money'.
He's now left uni and would like to be able to drive but 🤷🏻‍♀️. He's learned a life lesson in my opinion.

liveforsummer · 30/12/2021 11:45

Does he have a separate savings account? I disagree with people saying it's his money. My parents really encouraged us to save Christmas and birthday money and because of that my sister and I both managed to buy property in London in our 20s.

I suppose herein lies the difference - not many people get at much Xmas and birthday money as you did 😆. I doubt £200 once a year is getting anyone very far on any property ladder let alone London

DeepaBeesKit · 30/12/2021 11:57

He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without.

This is why he spends everything. Best way to learn how to budget is not to have everything you want, then you learn to prioritise what you can afford. So many teens on here are just given massively expensive stuff - the latest iPhones, gaming computers, expensive branded clothes and shoes, then parents complain they blow any money they've got. It's because they have been conditioned that they are entitled to simply receive big expensive stuff so why save for it?

Forsure69 · 30/12/2021 12:02

@cruffin you can encourage a child to save and have fun at the same time. This is £200 of his money, given to him, to do what he pleases to which he did.
Young people don't need to be stressing about adult issues or their parents fears.

AsYouWishButtercup · 30/12/2021 12:06

It’s only a waste of money in your opinion. My mum used to whinge at me wasting my money as a teen because it’s not what SHE would have bought but we’ve got to embrace modern times and this is what kids buy

Buytoomuchonebay · 30/12/2021 12:06

I remember years ago my son bought a scooter (I seem to remember it was called a jd bug but I could be wrong)
The amount of money he spent on it was eye watering
I’m not joking when I say that when he grew out of it,the amount of cash he poured into it could have bought him 6/7 new scooters
Every single bit seemed to get replaced,bingy bits where added and he was in the shop so often they knew everything about him
I made him work,doing odd jobs for neighbours on a Saturday morning and he would fly out of the door every Saturday afternoon to spend his money
We laugh about it now-every penny he got was poured into it
He’s now 24 and has a full time job-he’s very sensible with his cash-but he had to learn the hard way
I could have cried the day I finally gave it to the charity shop as he’d grown out of it
But it was his money and his choice

Kanaloa · 30/12/2021 14:08

*Well, there are professional e-sports teams, all affiliated with the Premier League etc. People can earn a fortune playing football games.

My nephew's friend is a streamer, playing OkLeague of legends and earning lots of money*

This is the absolutely minuscule minority of gamers. Most people are not ‘earning lots of money’ playing games. This kid certainly isn’t - he’s spent £200 in three days.

It’s hugely problematic when people don’t see that this (games encouraging you to spend huge amounts of money to advance quickly and linking it to that instant gratification) is damaging. Especially when they add in the nonsense about ‘but it can lead to professional gaming, YouTubers do it, what about game developers’ etc etc. I meet so many young people nowadays who will ramble on about people who stream themselves playing games as if that’s a viable career option with no sense of realism that these people are not the majority of gamers.

If he was looking at a career in this and the money was an investment I’m sure op would have mentioned.

Kanaloa · 30/12/2021 14:10

And also he isn’t a little child - he will presumably be off to uni soon and would do well to go with a bit of money in his pocket. He’ll be expected to budget for himself. It would surprise you how many uni students I work with who seem to be scrabbling around at the end of the month because they’ve splashed their student finance with no idea how to budget sensibly.

notacooldad · 30/12/2021 14:56

Does he have a separate savings account? I disagree with people saying it's his money
So whose money is it if it was gifted to him? Apologies if I've missed something.

cushioncovers · 30/12/2021 15:04

At 17 my kids were able to save half and spend half otherwise they would have wasted it all immediately on crap. When they started earning their own money then they could waste it on what they wanted. I find it disrespectful for teenagers to waste money that family members have given them. I always saved half of any Xmas/birthday money they were given then when they were ready to buy their first car I gave them their savings to them to help them. They are in their early twenties now and have both said how grateful they are that I'd saved it for them.

zingally · 30/12/2021 15:16

17?! I thought you were going to say he was 10 or 11! Honestly, a 17 year old should probably know better than this... But at the end of the day, it's his money to spend on what he wants.

Although I think it's getting towards the time of "learning some natural consequences", and the Bank Of Mum And Dad is closed to "extras" for the foreseeable.

liveforsummer · 30/12/2021 15:16

Is it wasted though? In his opinion? Was it a one off purchase now lost like some sort of gambling equivalent or is it something that permanently improves the game for him?

ldontWanna · 30/12/2021 15:49

@cushioncovers

At 17 my kids were able to save half and spend half otherwise they would have wasted it all immediately on crap. When they started earning their own money then they could waste it on what they wanted. I find it disrespectful for teenagers to waste money that family members have given them. I always saved half of any Xmas/birthday money they were given then when they were ready to buy their first car I gave them their savings to them to help them. They are in their early twenties now and have both said how grateful they are that I'd saved it for them.
If you get gifted money do you always check with the giver just in case they think you are wasting it?
gsaoej · 30/12/2021 15:57

I think that he spent 200 on digital content that he enjoyed. You should probably accept that. If he had spent money in the cinema, you wouldn't say he had nothing for it, would you?

Lots of those games are vastly enhanced by in-game purchases. It is a sad state of affairs, because IMO, you should buy a game and that should have bought you the whole game. These days, the game is free or very cheap and then the amount you spend in game absolutely dwarfs the cost of an old fashioned game (which could have been 15-100 sort of price range). It's easy to spend thousands in game.

cushioncovers · 30/12/2021 16:11

Idont I've only ever been gifted money from my parents for birthday or Xmas and out of respect for them I've never wasted it.

Kanaloa · 30/12/2021 16:21

I think that he spent 200 on digital content that he enjoyed. You should probably accept that. If he had spent money in the cinema, you wouldn't say he had nothing for it, would you?

I think this is a bit of a redundant argument. My closest cinema is £5 a ticket, and even the one in the big city near me is only £9 per ticket. A bit of lunch maybe beforehand and you’ve had an afternoon out for £30. It’s a word of difference from £200 spent in a couple of days.

It’s the huge overspending in such a short period of time, and it’s not really comparable to visiting the cinema in terms of time for money, because you simply wouldn’t spend £200 in two days at the odeon.

Forsure69 · 30/12/2021 16:23

So it's "disrespectful" spending the money that was give to you, to do what you want, while also not taking your parents feelings and thoughts into consideration EVEN though the money was for you TO DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT!!!
Mind is blown!!

ldontWanna · 30/12/2021 16:36

@cushioncovers

Idont I've only ever been gifted money from my parents for birthday or Xmas and out of respect for them I've never wasted it.
Did you check with them though? How do you know they don't consider whatever you spent it on wasteful?

My mum considered me spending money on books wasteful as I read really fast and unless they were educational/profound/the "must read" title (like the pseudo intellectual Paulo Coelho books for example) they weren't worth it. Especially since most of them I wouldn't read again.

I find many things a waste that give pleasure to other people, it's their hobbies or even a lifestyle. I'd also think it's wasteful if I gave someone money to treat themselves and they bought some very practical household/family item for example. Luckily my interest stops once the person receives the money , otherwise the poor fuckers would be in real trouble trying to make sure I won't think they "wasted" it.

CatJumperTwat · 30/12/2021 17:17

You didn't need to buy a one bed in zone four though, 95k is insane money for a deposit. Was only trying to make the point that saving from young is the best way!!

Your story doesn't add up, which rather undermines your point. You did not get £20k+ of birthday and Christmas money as a child.

liveforsummer · 30/12/2021 17:21

I used to spend my Xmas and birthday money on sweets as my well intentioned parents didn't let us have them so caused an attractive banned goods issue. I guess that's why I still rent in my 40's (absolutely nothing to do with a major banking crisis in the country where I was running businesses at the time and a terrible choice of df for my dc, it was definitely the sweets)

MondayYogurt · 30/12/2021 17:26

Who would have thought that a multibillion pound industry would engineer products designed to manipulate and addict young minds and literally rewire their brains towards gambling?

amp.theguardian.com/society/2021/apr/02/video-game-loot-boxes-problem-gambling-betting-children

Approximately 5% of loot box users generate half of the £700m that video games companies make from them each year and about a third of that group are problem gamblers, the report says.

kazillionaire · 30/12/2021 17:35

I am guessing that the money was not given to him with conditions attached and he was to spend it on himself? Could have been worse, he could have got himself a couple of bottles of vodka and gone to visit a local dealer…
Let the lad be, it was his money and he blew it on things he wanted

Vinomummyinlockdown · 30/12/2021 17:35

17!! Well it’s his money BUT this certainly points to YOU maybe giving him some money management advice before he’s grown up and even worse……..

Elvisismycat · 30/12/2021 17:36

@sweetbellyhigh

Totally disagree with the naysayers.

He spent his money on something he wanted and that he got a lot of enjoyment from.

It is not wasted.

Just bc you don't appreciate gaming doesn't mean its worthless.

And imo it's better than spending money on material possessions which inevitably end up in landfills.

Experiences are a great way to enjoy life without wasting resources.

Would you have been "disappointed " if he'd spent it going rock climbing or skiing?

Try to to be less judgmental about things you don't understand.

This.. with bells on! He will grow up, mature and find his way. Let him spend what was clearly his to spend.
Swipe left for the next trending thread