DS wasted his christmas money

[katkitty]

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

At 17 I would have likely spent that going out with friends pubs/clubs/gigs etc maybe a festival ticket, that's what I enjoyed, why is it different for him? I had nothing tangible to show for my money either, I'm a very financially responsible adult and always have been .....

My DS is younger so we still give the ok to online game purchases. I agree with you it's a waste BUT different people have different tastes etc.

It's taken me a long while to accept my prejudice to online gaming but as ds says it's the add ons that make it fun. Really is it any different to a night out drinking? Nothing to show for it but the fun. When I was young I'd buy comics and magazines, cheap toys or sweets with pocket money. None of that lasts and is just 5 minutes of fun.

He'll learn the value of money when he is responsible for earning, paying bills etc. All you can do now and at his age is not respond to other requests for money for things he wants if they aren't something you'd normally buy - latest fashion trainers for example. Just say wait to use birthday money.

It's his money and he spent it where he wanted to at the moment.

Now till his birthday, every time he asks for 'something' that's not essential tell him he can get it out of his Christmas money

Christmas money is surely to be spent as the person wishes? If he had expressed a wish or intention to spend it on something else but was not able to resist the lure of the virtual game that would be different.

Whats the game?

@cruffin I don't think 50 quid for birthdays and Christmas here and there would have added up to the 95k I needed as a deposit for my one bedroom flat in zone 4, but yes let's encourage young people to live miserable miserly existences in pursuit of an increasingly impossible dream and perpetuate the myth that getting on the property ladder is just a case of making some small sacrifices.

My DS is 18 and spends more than I’d like on virtual items. Now he has a (weekend) job though, he doesn’t want to spend all his earnings on virtual things. So, I have said to him to allow himself £20 a month to buy these items (he does play a lot with his friends online) and save the rest. He had Christmas money, but I know he will only spend a bit on his computer.
He’s almost gone the ‘other way’ and becomes paranoid about spending!
Your ds may just have to work it out for himself.

@SuPerDoPer

He sounds very spoilt. He has everything he needs because you provide it for him and he doesn't know the value of money. Its pretty grotesque to think of all the kids in the world who get nothing for Christmas and your DC gets showered with cash and spends it on something that doesn't even exist.

I'd be embarrassed to tell my hard working family members that my child had spent their gifts in this way.

Would those kids be any better off if he spent it on a pair of trainers, drinking, two branded hoodies, an experience or whatever else?

It's a pathetic argument really , especially when this forum is full of parents spending that much and more on hobbies, make up, clothes etc.

@cruffin

Nope I'm only in my early 30s, but my parents saved our birthday and Christmas money from when we were tiny. All those £50 here and there really added up, as the OP has said her son has just pissed £200 up the wall. My baby is one and has already received money for Christmas instead of presents for some people so I am saving it.

Yes they might have saved all that money but unless you have an absolutely nassuve family or your relatives give extravagant amounts of money, your parents were clearly supplementing that pot and gifting you money into it regularly. That's absolutely fine and I'm glad this happened for you... but it's disingenuous to act like everyone could do this or that OP's son could too if he only saved his £200 Christmas money

I am also early thirties and own a property in London btw...but I admit this was due to inheriting 20k from the sale of my grandma's bungalow after her death, which added greatly to my own savings (growing up in council housing I definitely didn't get much "birthday" money). I'm tired of this narrative that we could all buy property if only we stopped eating avocados/saved our birthday money etc. or implying that those who have managed it are somehow better at saving than everyone else and everyone else just needs to get better at it also.

If you keep buying everything else for him then he will not recognise that this is a large sum of money that could have had different impacts. Trainers, driving lessons, car insurance ect. If he gets all those things paid for anyway then he has no reason not to spend it on virtual game crap... He has everything he wants already. .
I will not be keeping my kids in any kind of nice lifestyle one they have the potential to earn and choose not to. If your relatives want to do that on a regular basis more fool them, or (as it seems) they treat him at birthdays and Xmas only more fool him for blowing it on crap or more fool you for paying for everything and facilitating him blowing it on crap . Unless he's got the most amazingly well paid Saturday job?

@cruffin that’s some amount of Christmas/birthday money you must have recieved

Someone who does not have any appreciable assets or savings currently who splashes £200 on in-game purchases is unlikely planning for their future financial needs. I would hope that by 17 my kids were thinking of this, but there is still time for it to develop. I think I’d be concerned about the whole attitude rather than the expenditure itself. I’d expect them to be thinking about whether they want to do further education or get a job and how to become independent.

@Etherealhedgehog @cruffin @rattlemehearties @pedalpushers @alleycat4

Affluent unaffordable south east house prices here, but my DD1 DID save all her birthday money - we used to take her shopping but I fear all the years of saying 'only buy what you REALLY want, don't just spend it for the sake of spending it' stuck, she's very much a saver. It meant she was able to buy her own car with grandparental and parental contribution, and at only 23 has enough deposit for a flat/small house in town so far (but she doesn't want a flat/ in town), her issue is her basic salary is not sufficient on her own to buy what she wants round here, no sign of any boyfriend - she has male friends, but is far too fussy/not met one up to her exacting standards!

DS1 however is a different matter. He won't spend his Christmas money on gaming add-ons, but I'm fairly sure he won't save it either. He does have some savings from his summer job (aiming for Uni), so all is not lost.

He's old enough to understand the value of money

in what ways would he have learnt the value of money? Has he had to budget for anything? Save for anything?

@cruffin

Nope I'm only in my early 30s, but my parents saved our birthday and Christmas money from when we were tiny. All those £50 here and there really added up, as the OP has said her son has just pissed £200 up the wall. My baby is one and has already received money for Christmas instead of presents for some people so I am saving it.

OK so £200 for each birthday and Christmas until age 18 would total £7200.

The average deposit for a first time buyer in London is over £132000.*

So even being completely joyless and not allowing kids to spend a single penny of their own money would not get ANYWHERE NEAR buying a London property.

*www.cityam.com/house-prices-first-time-buyers-in-london-now-need-average-deposit-of-132685/?amp=1

Was it FIFA? Last year My DS16 spent £400 on it over the course of a month and altered the settings so I wasn’t notified. It was £30 here, £15 there every few days, it added up quickly. It’s addictive and it’s gambling and I think it’s immoral.
I made DS ‘pay himself back’ from that point using all his spending money, birthday money and his summer job money until he had built up the £400 again. He’s since spent it on various things clothes, air pods etc, which in my mind are worth it, and I randomly check his bank account to check whether he’s done it again ☹️ but i never want to hear the phrase ‘fifa points’ again.

People can sneer all they want at my post. It wasn't topped up massively by parents, no inheritance, I worked from sixth form and again was encouraged to regularly transfer money into savings instead of spending it all on cheap clothes and shoes, then over the years there was money given for exam results, graduations etc.

[quote Pedalpushers]@cruffin I don't think 50 quid for birthdays and Christmas here and there would have added up to the 95k I needed as a deposit for my one bedroom flat in zone 4, but yes let's encourage young people to live miserable miserly existences in pursuit of an increasingly impossible dream and perpetuate the myth that getting on the property ladder is just a case of making some small sacrifices.[/quote]
You didn't need to buy a one bed in zone four though, 95k is insane money for a deposit. Was only trying to make the point that saving from young is the best way!!

[quote Ariela]**@Etherealhedgehog* @cruffin* @rattlemehearties @pedalpushers @alleycat4

Affluent unaffordable south east house prices here, but my DD1 DID save all her birthday money - we used to take her shopping but I fear all the years of saying 'only buy what you REALLY want, don't just spend it for the sake of spending it' stuck, she's very much a saver. It meant she was able to buy her own car with grandparental and parental contribution, and at only 23 has enough deposit for a flat/small house in town so far (but she doesn't want a flat/ in town), her issue is her basic salary is not sufficient on her own to buy what she wants round here, no sign of any boyfriend - she has male friends, but is far too fussy/not met one up to her exacting standards!

DS1 however is a different matter. He won't spend his Christmas money on gaming add-ons, but I'm fairly sure he won't save it either. He does have some savings from his summer job (aiming for Uni), so all is not lost.[/quote]
@Ariela good for your daughter. My house example was just an example really. Surely the son will eventually want to buy a car, driving lessons etc, insurance, there are many things to save for, life is expensive.

The punishment is he doesnt get the big in-person item he wanted. The best way to learn about money is not to have access to any more after wasting it, so don't give him more for quite a long time and keep referring to the £200 he had and what else it could have bought.

My dd 8 wants something on an online game bought for her for her upcoming birthday- I thought it was a perfectly good present . Something she will get a lot of long term use out of rather than buying an object for the sake of it. I can't see much wrong with a 17 year old doing this with his own money tbh. If he wants another big in person item in future though he'll have to wait til his birthday/Xmas or until he saves. That's just the e natural consequence as with my dd she can't have the other time she originally wanted and won't just be bought it for the sake of it later

Ime they need to figure it out themselves.. My ds wasted 2 k in less than a year..
Take aways and designer gear..
He admits it was stupid..
But it was his to waste.
Inheritance from exh's dps..

@cruffin

Does he have a separate savings account? I disagree with people saying it's his money. My parents really encouraged us to save Christmas and birthday money and because of that my sister and I both managed to buy property in London in our 20s.

How lucky of you to get £250000 of Christmas money

Let him be. It won’t be long before he has his own bills to pay and won’t be able to waste money. Being young is the time to waste money on stuff that you wouldn’t dream of doing when older. Yes it is good to save but why save and not do anything you enjoy to then put that money into buying a house where you sit, not doing anything you enjoy because you can’t bring yourself to spend.