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Original poster

DS wasted his christmas money

353 replies

katkitty · 29/12/2021 22:07

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

OP posts:
SuPerDoPer · 30/12/2021 06:01

He sounds very spoilt. He has everything he needs because you provide it for him and he doesn't know the value of money. Its pretty grotesque to think of all the kids in the world who get nothing for Christmas and your DC gets showered with cash and spends it on something that doesn't even exist.

I'd be embarrassed to tell my hard working family members that my child had spent their gifts in this way.

SuPerDoPer · 30/12/2021 06:04

£200 could be spent on driving lessons - arguably a much more relevant life skill than gaming. Or a short trip abroad - something that would last in the memory and broaden their horizons. I'd be horrified if this was my child.

Kanaloa · 30/12/2021 06:08

@sweetbellyhigh

I understand what you’re saying exactly. I just disagree.

I’m not a fan of the ‘video games are educational! They can lead to jobs in IT.’

I think it’s a lazy way to overlook the fact that all too often gaming isn’t beneficial. It should be moderated and limited like any activity to allow for proper balance.

And these ‘careers’ in computing and tech aren’t built by spending hundreds of pounds on fifa and Roblox. These people have generally been to uni and have degrees in video game development along with interests in areas like coding. These skills aren’t developed spending money on or extensively playing video games.

RedRobin100 · 30/12/2021 06:35

I don’t have teenagers so haven’t been in this position, so am not going to throw my hat in the ring on his spending

But I am a bit horrified at what so many PPs are saying about how easy it is for kids to blow significant amounts of money on in-app / game purchases without even realising they’re parting with cash, partic since it’s not physical.

This aspect of these games sounds horrendous and really dangerous, no?!

DontKnowWhatToThink7 · 30/12/2021 06:36

I don't think it's a waste of money. He spent it on something he wanted. At 17 I would have spent it on alcohol or going out with friends, now that is a waste of money.

speakout · 30/12/2021 07:01

It was a gift and his money to spend- I think you are being mean.
If a woman asked on netmums what to spend a christmas gift of £200 on there would be all kinds of similar ideas of "wasting" money".
Day at a spa, posh handbag or shoes, another jacket she really doesn't need, perfume, skin care products, night at a hotel.

To many people this would be just as wasteful and pouring money away- yet if if this lad wants to spend his gift in his own way he is judged for it.
You can't give a money gift then tell someone what to spend it on- and how he does spend it is all relative.
Don't give him £200 if you will be judging how he spends it.
Give him £50 instead.

Gechik · 30/12/2021 07:20

It was a gift for a present of choice though, not something to be used towards a house deposit or some other worthy thing. We gave DS money one Christmas and he used it as spending money for a holiday but that was what he wanted and we were happy it was well spent on what he liked rather than some random clutter or stuffed in a bank account with other savings.

girlmom21 · 30/12/2021 07:31

I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while
But then he still wouldn't have saved it...

Electriq · 30/12/2021 07:41

He spent it on something he wanted, not something you wanted him to spend it on, it's not a waste to him.

00100001 · 30/12/2021 07:45

@Kanaloa

There is a lot of skill involved in gaming and many lessons to be learned by the players. Going by this thread however the parents however seemed to be a lost cause.

What lesson do you learn from spending £200 in just a few days? What skills do you use to spend that amount of money.

I do get what people are trying to say when they say it uses skills etc but realistically there are more useful skills to be learned. For the grand majority of ‘gamers’ it’s a form of fun entertainment, not a skilled hobby. And if you need to spend hundreds of pounds in less than a week I would wonder if the skills and lessons you’re apparently learning are worth it.

I will say though that I’ve never met anyone who has developed such advanced skills from playing fifa that it’s worth £50 a day.

Well, there are professional e-sports teams, all affiliated with the Premier League etc. People can earn a fortune playing football games.

My nephew's friend is a streamer, playing OkLeague of legends and earning lots of money

00100001 · 30/12/2021 07:46

And the same could be said for musicians, actors, dancers, sports....

Technosaurus · 30/12/2021 07:52

I don't understand why this is a dangerous path to sloth in later life? Or why you feel you've failed as a parent in any way?

When I was 14-17 I spent loads of money on gigs, CD"s, taking up the guitar. The plan was to be a rockstar, a dream which never materialised.

But I did learn if I wanted more stuff I needed to get a job, so got one and have never been out of employment since. Ergo it's actually good to "waste" a bit of cash in your teens surely?

LaPufalina · 30/12/2021 07:54

Fuckeryisafoot did you miss the bit where it was said he was going to spend it in the sales? And regarding controlling gift-giving all my other gifts were "controlled" because I chose them, I bloody love Christmas shopping and take lots of care and thought into choosing presents.
When we buy his car on his 17th birthday, I'll just hand over the cash and it'll be a good life lesson if no car materialises Hmm

IncompleteSenten · 30/12/2021 07:59

If he got enjoyment from it, it's not wasted

He used it to do something he loves

That's not a waste.

It's a waste to you, but it's his money and it wasn't a waste to him.

The lesson here I think is yours to learn not his

Hagpie · 30/12/2021 08:36

He is just a teenager doing stupid teenager things. It probably wasn’t a waste to him and he presumably enjoyed it so I wouldn’t worry about it too much to be honest. It’s not like he has got any bills has he? We don’t do punishments in our house exactly, we do natural consequences. The natural consequences of blowing that much money on a game is that when he wants something else that exists in real life, if you don’t want to buy it for him, then he can’t have it. Grin

FuckeryIsAfoot · 30/12/2021 08:38

@LaPufalina

Fuckeryisafoot did you miss the bit where it was said he was going to spend it in the sales? And regarding controlling gift-giving all my other gifts were "controlled" because I chose them, I bloody love Christmas shopping and take lots of care and thought into choosing presents. When we buy his car on his 17th birthday, I'll just hand over the cash and it'll be a good life lesson if no car materialises Hmm
So you're giving gifts with conditions attached. You sound lovely.
hettie · 30/12/2021 08:57

Teenagers (even those that are normaly not) tend to be more impulsive and find consequential thinking hard. It's all those synapses growing and being pruned... The frontal cortext (decision making, control) part of the brain goes wonky for a while...So... It's a little early to predict he'll be a spendy waster....
However, understanding the value of money and it's relationship to work is an important life skill. Scheduled tasks, pocket money and payng for stuff you need (as well as want) all help with this. Budgeting for clothes, football boots/sports gear (or other hobbies) is important. I'm not suggesting he pays for his music lessons, but you need to involve him more. Set a budget for clothes/essentials get him involved. Encourage a Saturday job (if old enough) by withdrawal of pocket money if he refuses to search... Oh and teach him about compound interest and credit cards... These are all things you could consider....

alwayswrighty · 30/12/2021 09:04

At 17 I would have blown it on drugs. At 21 I bought my first home and I've been incredibly careful with money since.

My DS would have blown his cash on car shit at that age. He's 20 now and his only concern is to save every penny to buy his first home.

Your son is not necessarily going to be bad with money because he spent that cash on a game.

Wallywobbles · 30/12/2021 09:30

Out of interest does he write thank you letters? I know this seems pretty left field as a comment but my kids do and they would be expected to say in the letters where they were planning on spending or saving a financial gift

UsernameInTheTown · 30/12/2021 09:35

DD7 has been allowed to spend her ridiculously huge amount of pocket money (Thanks DM&DF Hmm) on shite.
For Christmas they gave her a large sum and she's paying that and her savings into her bank and starting to save for herself (for a Lambourghini ConfusedGrin).

Porcupineintherough · 30/12/2021 09:41

Give him an allowance that will cover some of his needs and let him earn the rest or go without.

Talk to him about the transition to adulthood and how you fit in financially "you will always have a home with us but after x age you will need to pay us rent and buy your own food"

Talk to him about learning to drive, about saving for his future, about getting a job. You need to prepare him.

Get him to start taking care of himself more - own laundry, cooking for the family once a week. Things that acknowledge he's growing up and to go w increased freedoms.

LordoftheDanceSaidHe · 30/12/2021 09:47

Is he working? I assume most 17 year olds have part time jobs.

PizzasPlease · 30/12/2021 09:51

My ds 12 blew £160 on Fortnite last year.
I wasn't best happy but he argued it was his money to enjoy. I did remind him if the expensive trainers he wanted and told him I wouldn't be spending that much on trainers so if he wanted to spend all that in a virtual world then he would have to make do with cheaper trainers I could afford later in the year. He spent it anyway and I could see, although he'd never admit, he wished he'd saved some.
This year he spent £60 on the game and has told me he is buying some trainers with the rest of his money.
I think you need to let him see the consequences of squandering money himself.

BigYellowHat · 30/12/2021 09:54

This is what gives him pleasure. He probably thinks your daft for ‘wasting’ your money on whatever your favourite item is. Just leave him alone.

BigYellowHat · 30/12/2021 09:54

*you’re

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