To just let DS go about looking scruffy

[Bluesarestillblue]

Since DS6 was able to speak he has been very vocal about what clothes he wears: basically just jogging trousers and t shirts. If he absolutely must he will put a jacket on: but no jumpers/ cardies/ hoodies. He also is the messiest child ever so ends each day with food over him and very muddy. I’ll be honest: I don’t like his asthetic that much: I would rather he dressed smarter (and kept himself cleaner). In saying that he does put on his school uniform without fuss (but returns every night caked in mud)

My friend said that I’m the mum and should choose what he wears: not him. My mum always says that I dress him terribly and should make him look smarter; she is always buying new clothes for him. We were very poor as kids, and I think my mum tries to make up for it by buying DS branded clothes.

Aibu to just let him get on with dressing in joggies and t shirts? He has a wardrobe full of clothes but really just wants to live in joggies and worn out t shirts.

DH says I should leave him to be (he hated getting dressed smart as a child: particularly jeans were uncomfortable for him). I’m sometimes worried that people think we’re neglectful parents because he looks so scruffy!!!

A bit of both. There is a time and place and if he wants to wear joggers and tshirt on a normal day he should…so long as he smartens up a little when needed.

@DelurkingAJ for parties etc we sometimes manage to get him into a polo shirt and jeans. But it’s a right fight: and he pulls them off the second we get back home

Wait until he discovers girls (or boys). Then he'll up his game.

Yeah, i think it's a situation where you strike a deal. If it's not necessary for him to wear something more formal, he can wear the scruffs and cosies and you will tolerate it without comment if he dresses appropriately for occasions.

That should hopefully get everyone most of what they want and take the temperature down.

My ds7 is exactly the same. He's also scared of buttons, so not much I can do. I've given up caring, beyond making sure he has clean clothes everyday.

If you feel the need, buy him ‘posh’ joggers and t-shirts from Boden. The kids of the v posh ‘Londoners moved to the countryside’ set round us live in Boden trackies.

There is no actual need to do that though, just let him wear what he is comfortable in.

My now 12yo was the same. In the last year or so he's discovered skinny jeans and branded hoodies and now rocks that look.

I hated being told what to wear as a child, I have strong issues with buttons but didn't know how to explain it when I was young so I spent years in clothes that made my skin crawl and being shouted at for pulling buttons off. Maybe he has similar issues around tight waistbands, new fabric feelings (likes the softer feel of multiple washes?), necklines sitting in the wrong place?

For me clean is non-negotiable, but beyond that let him wear what he likes. I would negotiate for a special occasion though.

My ds9 would wear shirts/t-shirt all year round, but can be negotiated with!

If its any help, I'm a 45yr F & I dress in t shirts, hoodies & tracksuit bottoms everyday.. 😬

At that age I managed to get DS into Boden checked trousers (not sure if they even do them any more). They were soft material with elasticated waists but looked a bit more like I’d taken an interest in him! Also the cargo trousers, when he was a little older.

He still lounges in joggers at 16 and only wears jeans when going out with his girlfriend or parties etc. He remains focused on comfort rather than style, but will wear shirt/ tie/ suit for sixth form.

@2reefsin30knots all he will wear is next joggers. I buy him multipacks of them and replace when he does the knees in! I think my mum was mortified when he turned up to Dneices birthday party in joggers and t shirt; her friends grandkids were in designer togs.

What on earth is wrong with a 6yo wearing joggers and a t-shirt?

Leave him be. They grow out of it. When they discover girls...🤣🤣🤣🤣

It is good to give dc some autonomy over their lives, when it isn't really important, and to "insist" when it is important.

Clothes generally fall into the 'not important' category. I think, however, it is good if he understands there are times when they do matter, and times when you have to conform. Mostly though - especially relaxing at home - everyone should wear what they are comfortable in.

What on earth is wrong with a 6yo wearing joggers and a t-shirt?

This. Leave him be.

You say your DH found jeans uncomfortable. Your DS may have sensory issues. My DD is 10 and has only just started wearing jeans (she has one pair she finds acceptable)

She is very fussy on clothes and they need to feel 'right'

I think my main concern is people thinking he’s a poor neglected child that’s parents don’t look after him. He looks like a wee urchin sometimes (a wee cute one, mind)

My boys live in trackies and t-shirts. I make sure they are decent quality and not worn/no holes. Really don't see the issue.

This really doesn’t feel like a battle worth fighting. You’ve a happy, outdoorsy kid who likes comfy clothes.

He’s only 6, so if you’re staying at home I don’t see why he needs to look ‘smart’. Provided the clothes are clean and he washes his face, brushes his teeth and hair etc I don’t see anything wrong with lounge clothes for home. Kids that age spend a lot of time sitting or lying on the floor to play.

My DS6 wears joggers and long sleeved t-shirts at home, but for leaving the house I buy good brands like Boden warrior knees joggers (which look a bit smarter and more structured and come in a range of colours) or Next slimline un-cuffed joggers, or relaxed fit leggings with thermal lining for winter, and nice boots.

I wouldn’t let him go out in winter without a vest, sweater/jumper or hoodie and a coat if it’s cold or wet. At 6 I don’t think they should get to decide on weather-appropriate clothing. They don’t always realise they’re cold until they start shivering.

I put my son’s clothes out for him (with a couple of choices) including loungewear and PJs as he’s fussy about how clothes feel. He has a clean set daily.

He also doesn’t get the choice about how often he baths, washes or visits the barber and dentist. If he comes home caked in mud that’s fine but he has to go straight in the bath. He has a clean set of uniform for each day.

For social events like parties or big family gatherings I choose his clothes (usually smart stretchy trousers or chinos and a shirt)

For formal events like weddings he has to wear a suit. I let him choose one he likes eg Monsoon suits feel nice, but not wearing it isn’t an option.

My youngest is sporting an adorable pokemon t shirt. I think character t shirts are really cute!

It's fine.

Parties and family events they were trackie and t-shirts. Probably force a polo shirt for wedding or something

My ds is like this. He’s 11. He just likes being comfortable. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

We always bring a jacket and have it on hand in case he gets cold. Teeth brushing is non negotiable. Face washing and baths happen; but he still gets bogging within minutes!

We’ve not had any “formal” events since Covid hit. Mostly just family and friends parties: and it ends up in screaming trying to get him dressed smartly. DH says it’s not worth getting into a battle over it. As long as he wears his uniform to school