To just let DS go about looking scruffy

[Bluesarestillblue]

Since DS6 was able to speak he has been very vocal about what clothes he wears: basically just jogging trousers and t shirts. If he absolutely must he will put a jacket on: but no jumpers/ cardies/ hoodies. He also is the messiest child ever so ends each day with food over him and very muddy. I’ll be honest: I don’t like his asthetic that much: I would rather he dressed smarter (and kept himself cleaner). In saying that he does put on his school uniform without fuss (but returns every night caked in mud)

My friend said that I’m the mum and should choose what he wears: not him. My mum always says that I dress him terribly and should make him look smarter; she is always buying new clothes for him. We were very poor as kids, and I think my mum tries to make up for it by buying DS branded clothes.

Aibu to just let him get on with dressing in joggies and t shirts? He has a wardrobe full of clothes but really just wants to live in joggies and worn out t shirts.

DH says I should leave him to be (he hated getting dressed smart as a child: particularly jeans were uncomfortable for him). I’m sometimes worried that people think we’re neglectful parents because he looks so scruffy!!!

Sounds just like my sons who are 6 and 8.
I have got used to buying “nice” joggers and hoodies now but no way would I ever get them into jeans or a shirt or certainly nothing smarter.

I am amazed that some parents manage to pick out clothes for their children at this age. They have never let me do that since they were babies.

I hope we never get invited to a wedding.

I’ve relaxed about it recently tbh. Sure that once they want to impress the girls they’ll smarten up a bit.

As long as you know he was clean when he went out of the house, I think you're doing your job. My son would only wear baggy joggers and t-shirt until he was about 14, at which point he discovered girls and now (22 yrs) he dresses impeccably and is always clean and smart. I say leave him be. :)

My mother always said to me

You don’t want a weak willed adult who isn’t strong enough to love themselves and stick up for themselves. So why would you want your child to do that’

I think that applies here. Your DS knows EXACTLY what he wants to wear and loves it

Though maybe much smarter jogging bottoms if you went to a wedding. Lols.

I think there is promise to play around a bit with it all

My youngest is the same and I love it! It’s so hard to buy them clothes. But they’ve got this real sense of what they do like and what they don’t like and I adore that!

I'm not sure what age he can be assessed for dyspraxia, but it might be worth looking into

I think the sooner the better - for any areas of concern really.

My DS (7) also sounds similar. He wears football kit pretty much every day when not in school. He also very rarely wears trousers, much prefers shorts. I don't mind at all. He's very active and I'd prefer him to be comfortable.

I think he should be able to wear joggers and Tshirts, but not filthy ones.

Ds (16) lives in joggers and T-shirts when he isn't in his school uniform. Before lockdown he would wear jeans but after a year of dressing comfy he now refuses to wear them! He looks smart(ish) the clothes are clean, not stained or holey and I won't lie I would love for him to get dressed up occasionally but then I remember he is 16 and at that age I refused to go anywhere with my parents so would rather have him out with me in his joggers than not at all!!

Honestly, if you are teaching him that being scruffy and dirty is OK, he is learning that being scruffy and dirty is OK.
He can wear smarter clothes (see the school uniform) and he needs to learn that some occasions are OK for tracksuit bottom and others aren’t.
He certainly needs to learn to stay clean REGARDLESS of what he wears.

So would i make him uncomfortable clothes all the time ? Nope.
Would I leave him be constantly dirty? Nope
Would I expect him to be dressed smarter in some occasions? Yes too.

its really okay! long as they are clean, no holes and look smart. Supermarket "trackies" are acceptbale. They grow so fast whats the point

Why do kids need to learn to stay clean?

They should learn to run around outside, explore and enjoy themselves.

My friend use to nag her kids to keep clean when we went to the woods. They both ended up anxious as teens too afraid to do anything and completely unable to risk assess.

@icedcoffees

What on earth is wrong with a 6yo wearing joggers and a t-shirt?

That was my thought too! My boys live in sweatpants and tshirts. As long as we smarten up for special occasions I don't care.

Who on earth puts their kids in "designer togs"? 🙄😂

Do you have any other children? I have a child like this and i just make sure my other more amenable child looks decent and tidy in the hope that people see scruffy child's atire to be his own choice

He can't wear the Joggers and worn tshirts if they aren't there to be worn..

My sons 11. Hes either in his uniform, his football training gear or a West Ham kit. No point anything else he point blank refuses to do jeans and tbh I can’t be arsed with the drama. As long as he’s washed and his clothes are clean I really shouldn’t worry :)

There are certain rare occasions where our attire is a sign of respect for others. If you are attending a funeral, a wedding, or grandma’s birthday dinner, then explain that it is an event that requires we groom and dress in particular ways . The rest of the time, let him be a kid and let him be comfortable.

DS is nearly 3 and I dress him in mainly joggers and long sleeved tops/ jumpers. I do change him if he gets scruffy and we are going somewhere (to visit somewhere or soft play or whatever). I always think little kids trying to run around in jeans looks really uncomfortable.
I’m a big advocate of being comfortable snd as soon as I’m in the house I’m in joggers and a jumper, and even when out usually just jeans / jumper / hoody. I hated being forced to dress ‘smart’ when a kid.
If we’re going to a party etc I’ll pop him in jeans and a smart top / jumper.

I’d let him be, although just change him if it gets too bad and throw away old worn tshirts and get a new batch from primark.

I don’t like his asthetic that much

His aesthetic? For crying out loud, he's a six year old boy, not some Instagram media whore!

@Joinedforthis2021 yeah, if there was no joggers he wouldn’t wear clothes at all. In the last two days I’ve threw out 3 pairs of joggers that are less than 3 months old due to how worn looking they were at the knees.

@LostForIdeas he gets a bath every night. His face is cleaned in the morning, teeth brushed. But he is just really messy and gets dirty easily. Like a wee dirt magnet. I’m not spending all day dragging him home to clean him. (I don’t drive: and I’m not getting the bus home to keep him clean and end up missing activities)

Smart round here means joggers without holes in, bonus if they reach all the way to ankles…

@Goldbar: yeah, I tried those jogging jeans. He wore them
Once and then refused to wear them again. But thanks for the recommendations!

My son is five and only wears joggers and t-shirts and some hoodies. I didn't think this would be an issue to anyone. He wears the same stuff to birthday parties and if there was a wedding I would probably just get slightly nicer joggers and let him get on with it. To be fair, DH and I are both rather relaxed about clothes and quite informal, so we're never going to be dressed that formally anyway. We are all clean though so not covered in food and mud, so that's something?

I thought my son would have an issue with his school uniform but luckily he quite liked it and wears it to school happily, but changes back to his comfy clothes the second he gets home.

@FateHasRedesignedMost I don’t get home most days after we leave the house, and I don’t drive so can’t leave anything in the car! And honestly, I’d be changing him constantly and frankly. Life’s a bit short

You're both a little unreasonable on some things and reasonable on others in my opinion.

Your Mum is unreasonable for being obsessed with having a 6 year old in branded clothes or having him dressed in more formal smart outfits.

Equally, you're a bit unreasonable if DS attends every event in tracksuits that are worn/play trousers or he is attending places looking messy on such a regular basis that people are commenting.

Most people know how children can be, and wouldn't say anything if they thought a child was a bit messy on the odd occasion. If people are commenting to you then it suggests that you might be allowing DS to be unusually messy for the situation.

There's a middle ground between play joggers, comfy clothing and mess vs smart designer or branded outfits.

@LolaSmiles the only person commenting is my mother. My friend only commented when
I mentioned he only wears joggers (she was giving me some hand me down jeans and I said she was best passing them to someone else. Her child is very obedient and sensitive : mine isn’t)