To just let DS go about looking scruffy

[Bluesarestillblue]

Since DS6 was able to speak he has been very vocal about what clothes he wears: basically just jogging trousers and t shirts. If he absolutely must he will put a jacket on: but no jumpers/ cardies/ hoodies. He also is the messiest child ever so ends each day with food over him and very muddy. I’ll be honest: I don’t like his asthetic that much: I would rather he dressed smarter (and kept himself cleaner). In saying that he does put on his school uniform without fuss (but returns every night caked in mud)

My friend said that I’m the mum and should choose what he wears: not him. My mum always says that I dress him terribly and should make him look smarter; she is always buying new clothes for him. We were very poor as kids, and I think my mum tries to make up for it by buying DS branded clothes.

Aibu to just let him get on with dressing in joggies and t shirts? He has a wardrobe full of clothes but really just wants to live in joggies and worn out t shirts.

DH says I should leave him to be (he hated getting dressed smart as a child: particularly jeans were uncomfortable for him). I’m sometimes worried that people think we’re neglectful parents because he looks so scruffy!!!

My boys (and DH since Wfh) wear joggers or leggings all the time! Apart from going to school/preschool when they wear uniform. I don’t see anything wrong with it… plain black lindex leggings or grey Sainsbury’s joggers and a sweater, looks fine for kids. I don’t see the need for designer clothes.

My 10 year old was the same for years. He's just discovered DMs so now he'll wear his DMs , jeans and a hoody. Coat? What's one of those? Possibly the thing he keeps screwed up in the bottom of his school bag

I don't worry about it, he's my 3rd and thet all grow out of it at some point

Bluesarestillblue
I see. I thought when you said friend had also commented about you choosing what DC wears that was in a similar context to your Mum.

She does have a point about parents deciding what children wear though.

I'm much more on your page than your Mum's, but ultimately as DC parent I decide what their options are. If we are going to a family event they don't have the same choices as they would if we were going to the park because they're different situations. All the clothes they have are comfortable and easy to play in, but I'd not take them to a family event in the same clothes as a play date. I'd not go for lunch with friends in the same state I walk the dogs in, so don't see why it's different with children.

Could you have comfy clothing that isn't messy/outdoor/playwear for situations such as family events ?

I have sensory processing disorder and I was just like it as a kid. Dressed in rags. Still do in my own home
But being made to wear the wrong clothes would cause me actual pain, and still does, in the way the feel on my skin.

My child is showing similar traits and I'll let him wear what he wants for the most part, except things like shoes and coat obviously. He would be barefoot all the time if he could

Does he like leggings OP? My 6 year old would also always choose joggers over any other bottoms, but he is also happy to wear leggings - Lindex Kids do lovely, substantial ones with brushed insides.

I hate joggers on my DS too but want him to be comfortable/have some control over what he wears, given 5 days of the week it’s school uniform anyway, so I buy leggings from Lindex and joggers that don’t offend me - M&S always have brightly coloured ones with prints rather than the drab plain ones you also see. Sadly my MIL insists on buying the drab plain ones for DS too so those are always available he’s just had a bumper load for Christmas so I’m going to try and save them for PE days!

[quote Bluesarestillblue]@GrazingSheep it’s likely that I have dyspraxia (I cannot drive even after 100 lessons). His writing isn’t great: but reading and maths are fine. He was slow at walking and talking, but the HV didn’t think there was anything to be worried about.[/quote]
I was going to suggest dyspraxia when I read your first post but didn't want to jump to conclusions.

My dd I mentioned earlier re sensory issues with jeans also has dyspraxia and was always a walking mess at that age!

My dd was the same at that age. Would only wear harem pants and vest tips. Didn't like anything that felt restrictive. She hated socks and shoes.

She is 13 now and still won't wear jeans, tops with long sleeves, tights, leggings.

It was a pain and I learned early on when to choose my battles.

I was 13 and brushed my hair and my mother said to me ‘don’t know why you’re bothering no one will look at you’ l.. I’m almost 50 and those words are still cutting.
If you ds likes to dress himself so be it it’s not what your friend thinks that matters. My DS at 4 wire a Thunderbird costume.. one of the puppets not the machines thankfully 😃

Just let him wear what he wants. Even if you're going somewhere nice, as long as he is clean who cares? My son is autistic and possibly PDA and I've learnt (and am still learning!) to pick my battles

At 6 and younger I do agree with your friend.

My best friend's son is 13 and he still only wears joggers and a t-shirt. It's never crossed my mind that he looks untidy. He looks absolutely fine. I don't think I'd bat an eyelid if DS only wanted to wear joggers and a tee.

My best friend gave me permission to attend her wedding in whatever I wanted, as she knew I would not attend otherwise: I wore jeans and trainers. I cannot wear certain things and if the situation requires I must I will not attend the situation. I'm nearly 50 and life still cracks on, so I'm sure your son will be ok.

I don’t get home most days after we leave the house, and I don’t drive so can’t leave anything in the car! And honestly, I’d be changing him constantly and frankly. Life’s a bit short

I don’t think life’s too short for teaching a child there are occasions they need to be clean and tidy for (like parties, visiting family, going to other peoples’ houses).

I carry a couple of changes of clothes for DS in a backpack, compressed in a waterproof cube, as I also rarely drive once out. DS doesn’t like being made to get changed in public toilets so he’s careful not to spill things or get dirty, the spare clothes and wipes are a back up.

Why not plan your outings differently if he can’t help getting mud and food on him? Eg go to see family first, then the muddy woods later?

I wouldn’t be impressed if someone brought a muddy/sticky/grubby 6 year old to my house and let them sit on my furniture/play on my carpets and rugs etc. And yes it’s not a good look for group photos.

If my DS spills food on himself at someone house/a cafe/in the park he gets whisked off to change his top. Same if he falls over in the mud, he knows it results in immediate clean up.

My DS is like that, currently being assessed for dyslexia and definitely has some sensory stuff going on. Next do nice joggers that look like jeans but with a soft waistband which he finds acceptable. He’s improving as he gets older so we just roll with it. No birthday parties etc for the last couple of years has made it easier!

There's a balance.

I do think it's fine to wear comfortable clothes lots of the time. However, being careless about cleanliness isn't ok. Assuming its not something like dyspraxia causing excess mess, I'd be trying to work on eating more tidily (star chart or something for not spilling etc). However I think it's quite normal for childrens clothes to get muddy playing out etc. Encourage him to change when he gets in etc.

I'd try to compromise when there's an occasion where he needs to look smarter- choose options that are tidier but still comfortable. You can get chinos with soft waistbands and soft comfortable polo shirts that look smart enough for a child that age.

Also will he not wear protective clothing when playing out in muddy/wet weather? Eg waterproof trousers and a waterproof jacket or a puddlesuit?

Then take them off before going visiting?

Joggers come in so many styles, there’s no need to let him wear old faded/stained/worn ones to see family.

You are responding to his sensory needs. My autistic kids had various combinations of messy/ muddy/ comfortable but casual clothes.

As long as my son wears his uniform for school, I let him choose what he wants to wear. It is not a hill I'm willing to die on. He goes to smart occasions however he likes but I make sure whatever he is wearing is clean. I would hate someone telling me what to wear.

He goes through joggers like nothing else. Yesterday when ironing I found that 4 pairs of joggers needed binned due to holes in the knees! All the joggers are less than 3 months old

He goes through joggers like nothing else. Yesterday when ironing I found that 4 pairs of joggers needed binned due to holes in the knees! All the joggers are less than 3 months old

Have you tried the ones with reinforced knees, eg Boden Warrior Knees? They’re a bit more structured too so look more like trousers, less sloppy loungewear. They don’t fade or thin like cheaper brands, and a dark colour like navy would hide stains?

Let him wear what he wants. My DS went through a stage of only wanting to wear a tracksuit and then a full Man United kit. Tbh, he looked like a bit of a chav. Anyway, I just wanted him to be happy and feel confident in what he was wearing. I also knew he’d grow out of that phase at some point which he did. He now wears lovely things which suit him.

He goes to smart occasions however he likes but I make sure whatever he is wearing is clean. I would hate someone telling me what to wear

Yet there are certain occasions when social etiquette dictates what we wear, eg we wouldn’t go to a formal event or wedding wearing joggers and a T-shirt. Last wedding we went to I had to bribe my son to wear his suit and tie, and to keep the flower in his button hole, but to let him wear anything would have been insulting to the families. He helped to choose the suit from Monsoon, soft velvet with stretch and an elasticated waist, and once he’d been wearing it for an hour he forgot to complain it felt ‘funny’ and didn’t seem bothered by it. I did keep a spare shirt, tie, waistcoat and trousers in my handbag in case he spilt something down it or fell in a puddle on the way!