To just let DS go about looking scruffy

[Bluesarestillblue]

Since DS6 was able to speak he has been very vocal about what clothes he wears: basically just jogging trousers and t shirts. If he absolutely must he will put a jacket on: but no jumpers/ cardies/ hoodies. He also is the messiest child ever so ends each day with food over him and very muddy. I’ll be honest: I don’t like his asthetic that much: I would rather he dressed smarter (and kept himself cleaner). In saying that he does put on his school uniform without fuss (but returns every night caked in mud)

My friend said that I’m the mum and should choose what he wears: not him. My mum always says that I dress him terribly and should make him look smarter; she is always buying new clothes for him. We were very poor as kids, and I think my mum tries to make up for it by buying DS branded clothes.

Aibu to just let him get on with dressing in joggies and t shirts? He has a wardrobe full of clothes but really just wants to live in joggies and worn out t shirts.

DH says I should leave him to be (he hated getting dressed smart as a child: particularly jeans were uncomfortable for him). I’m sometimes worried that people think we’re neglectful parents because he looks so scruffy!!!

My boys love joggers. I buy branded ones which look smart enough for everyday wear. As long as you can force him into something smarter for parties etc. Then that's all you can do. I wouldn't allow mine to go to a birthday party in scruffy clothes. Branded tracksuit if at a softplay/trampoline Park and jeans and nice top at other types.

Throw anything scruffy away so he doesn't have the option!!

My DS (almost 12) wears only joggers, he doesn’t look scruffy though. He’s autistic and hugely sensory so cannot tolerate jeans and I wouldn’t force him to. There are plenty of jogger options for kids to wear.
DS is also incredibly messy, always spills down himself etc but I just chuck his stuff in the wash or put on a fresh top/joggers if we’re going out somewhere. There are literally hundreds of different types/styles of joggers, some cost a bloody fortune also and I wouldn’t buy them if they made my son look a mess.

Op, DS has several pairs of the next joggers, he doesn’t look scruffy in them unless they’re past it and look over washed, have holes in them etc and if they did then they wouldn’t be the ones I took him out in.

Would your DS be happy to go out with you to the shops and perhaps choose some different styles of joggers, he may be willing to try some different ones if he can look at and have a feel of them.

I think I must look mad in shops when buying clothes for my kids (dd also autistic) I have to feel all the seams/back of motifs/how easily removable tags and labels are etc to make choices on what to buy.

As soon as we get home from being out, my two are straight back in their pjs/loungewear 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also don’t think your mum should be saying your child looks scruffy, that’s just bloody mean.

Caked in mud/covered in food is not okay.

He knows there are dress codes for different situations, like school. The same goes for a party/seeing Granny etc.

@Bluesarestillblue

I think my main concern is people thinking he’s a poor neglected child that’s parents don’t look after him. He looks like a wee urchin sometimes (a wee cute one, mind)

There are lots of signs of neglect but a healthy 6 year old in joggers isn't one of them, even if they are muddy.

Our dd is the same, she’s 12. Looks a right state but is very resistant to tidying herself up or dressing better. I can’t do much about it without becoming controlling and I’m sorry but no 12 yr old needs to be bullied into being smart. It doesn’t matter what they wear.
I’m not too worried…she’ll grow out of it soon enough.

I feel the most loved when accepted for who I am. I’d go so far as to say that love is acceptance.
My mum always anxiously tried to improve me, or how I Came across. I ended up feeling very inadequate to the point of being unlovable.

I have 3 DCs aged 24, 20 & 10. I saw let them be comfortable. Most things clothes wise are just a phase.

So long as he is appropriately dressed (a coat in winter for example) it's fine.

I was forever trying to get my eldest two to "look nice" - mostly to visit my mum. It really wasn't necessary. A lot of stress about nothing.

DD (10) likes to wear baggy clothes in neutral colours. No dresses etc. She is clean & happy. Wears uniform as required. I just let her get on with it.

DS2 is now a very sharp dresser (if people say that any more ). When he was 4 he spent an entire summer having a hissy fit if not allowed to wear a specific orange vest top. Just let it go. This too shall pass.

It’s nothing to do with your mum or friend. He likes joggers and t-shirts, nothing wrong with that. He’s not a doll for your mum to dress up in the clothes she likes.

Sensory issues?

I swear mum thought I'd turn up in joggers for my wedding.

I struggle with tight or scratchy clothes & I'm 49...

It’s not the joggies and the T-shirt that’s the issue it’s the dirty joggies and T-shirt. Sorry but I think of your child constantly looks like that then it does look neglectful.

And I do tend to agree that at 6 you do have some control over what they wear, whether they like it or not.

I kind of agree with your friend, you are the parent and need to have some say on what he wears for occasions. I do feel your pain though as it must be hard. Bribe him if you must. I’m sorry but I would judge you if your son arrived dressed as you describe him. Obviously, based on your post, I know you’re not neglecting him but in real life, if I saw that I would just assume you’re not looking after him properly. I think subconsciously a lot of people would. My mum would also have been embarrassed by the birthday party you described.

Bin his worn out t shirts for a start and buy new. My ds like joggers and t shirts but doesn't look scruffy if fading or washed out they are replaced always clean and ironed no need to look scruffy just because it's joggers and t.

Funny I remember my dh trying to get boys into branded open hem non jersey that they hated as he disliked normal trackies so much. He gave up after he match his match with our youngest. On different note dc loves these the mottled finish looks a bit smarter and doesnt show marks or stains like plain colour.
www.decathlon.co.uk/p/kids-brushed-jersey-jogging-bottoms-500/_/R-p-323629?mc=964208&c=GREY

If he wants to wear soft clothing like joggers then fine (except for things like weddings) but buy him a couple of nicer pairs for out and about. And if he's always filthy then change his clothes more often and get him to wash hands and face before each meal. The waif look quickly blends into the neglected look as they get older.

Sounds like he has sensory issues around clothing, so aside from insisting he puts on clean clothes daily and has a daily wash/brushes teeth etc, I'd let it go if you can. I can appreciate that it's hard, though - I have a pathological hatred of joggers and refuse to buy them (other than for the DC's sport/PE) - but thankfully my DC are perfectly happy in jeans or chinos with a T shirt or hoodie.

If they had a major issue with this, though, then I'd bite the bullet and go with it.

You will probably find his tastes will change as he gets older anyway.

How does he end up covered in food? Mud I understand if he’s playing outdoors but food? Does he drop food a lot? Do you think he might be a bit clumsier than other children his age?

I find smart clothes very uncomfortable. Leggings and tops are my daily uniform. I can’t even wear jeans. I hated it as a child. I’d leave him be, but would insist he puts on clean clothes if he was going out.

My mum always anxiously tried to improve me, or how I Came across. I ended up feeling very inadequate to the point of being unlovable

Agree. It was always what people would think, and I must wear x,y and z for this occasion or that.

Have to say not being allowed to choose my own clothes has meant I have no idea about fashion, what looks good on me etc.

Oh and “sportswear” seems ultra fashionable at the min. Local sixth form I see girls in gymshark and the like- proper gym gear worn as fashion. Dd now doesn’t bother taking her training bag to school, she wears her kit and goes straight there 😂

@icedcoffees

What on earth is wrong with a 6yo wearing joggers and a t-shirt?

This is exactly what I was thinking

My kids don't wear jeans because they find them too stiff and uncomfortable.

They wear joggies and tshirts. They look about as scruffy as 6 year old generally do. They just look comfy, I don't see the need for them to look smartly dressed.

@Bluesarestillblue

I think my main concern is people thinking he’s a poor neglected child that’s parents don’t look after him. He looks like a wee urchin sometimes (a wee cute one, mind)

Most kids do. And they are generally incredibly cute. There's really no need for kids to be smartly dressed. Just let him be comfy.

Perhaps sensory issues: I think DH has them too. He had an op and had to wear joggies for a few weeks after. He said it was more comfy and perhaps wear them all the time! I was horrified tbh. Don’t mind him wearing them at home though (I do too)

DS ends up covered in mud as he goes to after school club and is always running about playing (Id prefer that to sitting at a games console) and we go to the park or for walks an awful lot at the weekend

My children get a bath every single night, fresh pjs. They start their day washed and clean in clean clothes. Somehow by lunch time they look like Stig of the dump but at some point I accepted that if they aren’t wet and it’s not actually something gross on them, that’s how they will be for the remainder of the day!

I think it’s fine. DD also 6 will only wear black leggings and T-shirts and I just let her get on with it.

@GrazingSheep he is VERY clumsy with food. As am I.

I should point out that he leaves the house in the morning clean!