To just let DS go about looking scruffy

[Bluesarestillblue]

Since DS6 was able to speak he has been very vocal about what clothes he wears: basically just jogging trousers and t shirts. If he absolutely must he will put a jacket on: but no jumpers/ cardies/ hoodies. He also is the messiest child ever so ends each day with food over him and very muddy. I’ll be honest: I don’t like his asthetic that much: I would rather he dressed smarter (and kept himself cleaner). In saying that he does put on his school uniform without fuss (but returns every night caked in mud)

My friend said that I’m the mum and should choose what he wears: not him. My mum always says that I dress him terribly and should make him look smarter; she is always buying new clothes for him. We were very poor as kids, and I think my mum tries to make up for it by buying DS branded clothes.

Aibu to just let him get on with dressing in joggies and t shirts? He has a wardrobe full of clothes but really just wants to live in joggies and worn out t shirts.

DH says I should leave him to be (he hated getting dressed smart as a child: particularly jeans were uncomfortable for him). I’m sometimes worried that people think we’re neglectful parents because he looks so scruffy!!!

This might be way off but maybe google dyspraxia and see if any of it fits ..

@GrazingSheep it’s likely that I have dyspraxia (I cannot drive even after 100 lessons). His writing isn’t great: but reading and maths are fine. He was slow at walking and talking, but the HV didn’t think there was anything to be worried about.

We always bring a jacket and have it on hand in case he gets cold

Why not make it non-negotiable that he wears it for leaving the house in winter? You wouldn’t let him leave the house barefoot, or with holes in his shoes, so why in a scruffy t-shirt?

My DS has a vast wardrobe of clothes as he’s fussy about how things feel. But as soon as he gets food/mud/paint/toothpaste on him he knows he has to change into a clean item.

I think it’s a bit rude to let him go to family parties and gatherings in scruffy home clothes (that I assume have stains or spilled food or faded knees, if he looks scruffy).
I’d just put out 2 outfits for him to choose between (eg smart joggers, long sleeved ironed tee and nice sweater, choice of 2 colours/patterns/fabrics) so he makes the distinction between clothes you wear at home and clothes you wear out. Then let him change back when you get home.

My DS can get a bit neurotic about certain clothes if allowed to (eg wants to wear the same pair of pj trousers over and over and cries when they go in the wash) but with gentle firmness he’s improving. And he often goes off a certain style or piece of clothing after a few weeks. They go through phases, like with toys.

My youngest is nearly 12, he hates wearing anything but tracksuits and is also a little dirt attractor. Around the house and out playing with friends that's fine, a party or event it's jeans and a shirt or nice jumper. Family parties all the boys of various ages wear full tracksuits, handier for playing football which is what they'll inevitably do.

As for the dirt, it doesn't bother me how dirty he gets, the clothes are in the machine the next day. I have nieces and nephews who aren't allowed get dirty cause of the expensive clothes, so end up sitting with adults while the rest of the kids are having a great time, I find that very sad.

Could be worse, my 18 year old wears nothing but jumpers and shorts, even in the depth of winter.

I think it would be worth having him assessed. It will make life a lot easier for him especially as he gets older.

@FateHasRedesignedMost no, he doesn’t leave the house in clothes that are stained or have holes in them. But he manages to get that way very quickly. We are out and about a lot so changing him multiple times a day is not going to happen

If he’s so muddy all the time it sounds like you might live somewhere semi rural or where you spend a lot of time outdoors? In that case who cares what he wears, have you seen what farmers kids run about in - literally any old things!
Have you thought about a puddle suit or salopettes for walks etc though? They’re really reasonable from regatta or decathlon and stop the mud bath! You can literally dive in puddles in them! I’d also change clothes after a muddy walk. You don’t have to stay in them for example going to visit nana after. You can put clean ones on and therefore look smarter !
I think it’s nice to be able to have some ‘smarter’ joggers and maybe polo tops or just plain non faded tees from next or whatever, with smarter leather pumps or something, for parties etc
For example the boy on the pic here looks super cute and not scruffy but it’s just comfy clothes really

www.marksandspencer.com/2-pack-cotton-ripstop-trousers-6-16-years-/p/clp60375085?color=MULTI#intid=prodColourId-60375085

www.marksandspencer.com/pure-cotton-cargo-trousers-2-7-yrs-/p/clp60485471?color=AIRFORCEBLUE#intid=prodColourId-60485473

www.regatta.com/dare-2b-kids-motive-waterproof-insulated-ski-pants-amber-glow/

Wow, so much judgement on the attire of a six year old, l wouldn' t batter an eyelid if a six year old came to a party in joggers and t shirt. He most probably would be the happiest one .

Nothing wrong with him wearing what he is comfortable in. Why do children need to be dressed smart when they are running around and playing?

You can get joggers in soft denim/jean colour material for kids which is what I get for my 4yo. I don't think young kids need tight or scratchy trousers when they want to be running around and playing. The last two kids parties we've been to have had a trampoline and bouncy castle so proper jeans would have been uncomfortable for my DC.

I'd see if you could expand to different types of 'joggers' that don't look like joggers. Explain to your DC that sometimes he needs to be smart but you want him to be as comfortable as possible for those times.

My ds (17) lives in next straight leg joggers, v neck t shirts and he does wear hoodies (jumper or zip up style).

He's comfortable and does look smart. Never clean after dinner though

He has some soft material chino trousers and some polo t shirts from F and F (Tesco) if he needs to dress smartly.

But seriously - what does a 6yo need to dress up for? Parties? What - 6yo parties? Why?

Maybe when going to a nice restaurant or a wedding or something where dress code is expected then yes.

But otherwise it's just all about an image and nothing about allowing a 6yo kid to be a kid.

DS is like this but we have found spending more on quality joggers as they’re actually smarter. We have some denim ones and cord ones too. But they’re soft and lightweight like joggers and have a drawstring waistband.

Joggers have to be slim fit so they aren’t baggy with baggy worn knees and they aren’t baggy around the bum.

Can you simply recycle all his worn out t shirts and replace with new?

Your DS might appreciate bamboo as it’s super soft….

My 11 year old is the same. He says he doesn't like the feel of jeans. I think it is more that he's so used to being in looser fitting trackies he doesn't like the stiffer, more fitted feel of smart trousers.

It's not really a hill I want to die on to be honest. He goes to school looking smart in his uniform, and I insist on him being showered, bushed teeth/hair and if it's trackies/t shirts that he wants, they must be clean.

He has recently discovered aftershave so perhaps we might be on the way out of the trackies phase...?

I think I'd be more shocked at a party full of designer clothes wearing kids than a six year old in joggers and a top.

Saying that - it does sound very much like sensory issues and the more people demand he wears non safe stuff, the worse he's going to be (based on my own experience)

If you find something he likes, buy multiples, get him to try them on and return any that aren't safe (cause I have two tops that are exactly the same in theory but one is safe and one made my skin crawl)

I have the same problem, except DS is not especially grubby (for a 6 year old). I've given up wasting money on smart clothes - he just prefers stretchy elasticated everything, and in fairness it suits his lifestyle of sliding around floors on his knees.

I look back wistfully on the days when I could choose lovely clothes for him. These days he has a pair of "jogger style" navy cords from H&M for looking respectable .

He's aged 6??

If so I'd expect chinos and a polo to be a win tbh, let him chill in his joggers. Plus the rest of the time he's in school uniform?

Joggers can look stylish, imo. My 10yo lives in them too.

he doesn’t leave the house in clothes that are stained or have holes in them. But he manages to get that way very quickly. We are out and about a lot so changing him multiple times a day is not going to happen

Do you go home in between him getting stains/holes when out? If not it might be worth keeping a couple of spare sets of clean smarter clothes in zip-lock bags, either in the car or your bag, so you’re not taking him to see other people in ripped or stained things. I keep 2 complete sets for my DS in a compression cube, along with wet wipes and a comb, as he has a tendency to spill drinks or fall over in mud! If he spills something on himself at a party he gets whisked off to the loo to change his top!

I agree with the previous poster who said try a puddlesuit or salopettes for muddy walks. He may make a fuss initially but letting him get his own way for screaming re-enforces he can wear whatever he likes. I insist my 6 year old wears waterproof trousers and puddle-flex jacket over his school uniform on wet days, as he scooters and gets splashed by mud and water. I let him take the trousers off and hand them back to me before he goes into school. Then at least his uniform starts off clean and dry. I do the same with wellies on the school run (I carry his shoes in a bag) or he’d happily go to school with wet shoes and sodden socks!

Honestly at the age of 6 or 7 I don't think children should decide what clothes they wear. It's part of parenting! They have no idea as to whether what they pick is actually suitable. Perhaps pick two suitable outfits and give him the choice between the two? That's about as far as I would compromise. Plenty of time for that when they are teenagers!

Also I never make him wear jeans or anything stiff, scratchy or itchy.

You can get smart slimline joggers from next and nice Ralph Lauren supersoft T-shirts and sweaters (the polo ones, they look smart and are ‘designer’ but are very soft cotton with round necklines.

My 6 year old just wants to he comfortable most the time and since he's spent a fair chunk of his life in lockdown, smarter clothes went out the window. However, I am currently fixing that. There are some smart slim fit joggers and nice long sleeve tops from Next that look cool with a pair of Vans/Nikes. I find kids clothes from Next are trendier than Boden and better quality than places like H&M.

I see your joggers and tee, and raise you knitted cotton shorts and tee. Even mid winter. We went to collect his glasses today in shorts and teeshirt, with his coat tied round his waist.
I've given up caring. He knows how to keep warm - wear more clothes!
We have found a couple of jumpers he will tolerate tho - flease ones (no zip, no hood...).
I only enforce other clothes if totally necessary - snow play, weddings, school.... parties are fine - newish shorts and teeshirt will do me.

My DCs all live in joggers, leggings, t shirts and hoodies. They hate jeans, cargo trousers, shirts or dresses. DD gets given so many dresses and skirts that just sit in her wardrobe until she grows out of them. They all have regular hair cuts, clean faces (in the morning anyway!) and their teeth brushed twice a day. They love messing around in mud and climbing trees and I'm not sure how they would do that in shirt, trousers and dresses!

I'm not sure what age he can be assessed for dyspraxia, but it might be worth looking into. A 6 year old should be comfy, look how big the lounge wear ie. Glorified pj's is for adults.

I won't judge if you don't judge my ds7 who is still in shorts at all times. I would love him to wear joggers so his little legs didn't get cold.

6?!!!

Who cares?!