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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only Pandora

127 replies

thetagrunburg · 29/12/2021 17:56

Just after some opinions here as I don't know if IABU or DH is

Been with DH around 5 years, during that time whenever he's bought me any jewellery (which is not that often) it's always been from Pandora.
He's mentioned a few times he's only ever bought jewellery from there for gifts as he thinks it's decent quality so never goes anywhere else Hmm
He's bought me a few Pandora charms over the time we've been together. I have a silver charm bracelet which was bought for me ages ago which I never wear but despite me politely mentioning that I don't really wear it he still seems to buy me charms for it for Xmas and birthdays. The charms are usually thoughtful and have some kind of meaning so that in itself is a sweet gesture I suppose.

In general I prefer to wear gold jewellery (not necessarily real gold, I'm not fussy!) and I have told him this a few times.
He asked me a few weeks before Xmas what I wanted for Xmas and I mentioned a gold chain I'd seen which I really liked (not Pandora!) - nothing super fancy, under £75 so not overly pricey. I showed him the website and the chain and he said he'd 'see what he could do'
Xmas day comes and I open my gift.... a silver Pandora necklace Confused

It's a nice necklace, but just not what I wanted. Am I being a diva here?

I reacted with a 'oh it's lovely thank you' as I didn't want to sound like a bitch but at the same time I'm kind of pissed off that he won't stray from frickin Pandora and doesn't listen to me!

I know I can go out and buy my own gold chain and I probably will but then I think he'll be hurt if I wear that instead of the one he's bought me! What do I do?!

YABU = shut up and wear the silver Pandora
YANBU = go get the gold one and tell him straight

OP posts:
TedMullins · 29/12/2021 21:40

Yeah I know she told him what she DID want, but it sounds like she needs to spell out what she DOESN’T want and tell him straight his presents totally miss the mark. I’d honestly rather my partner got me nothing if they were so crap at gift buying.

Justwingingit2005 · 29/12/2021 21:44

I got a Pandora bracelet for Christmas and I actually love it.
I have three boys and they picked a charm each.
I won't get anymore charms, just those three.
I can wear it and think they picked those.
To me it doesn't matter if it was £10 or £10k, it means alot to me.
But in response to OP if I had said I don't like Pandora I would have been miffed.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 29/12/2021 21:49

Trivia: the photo/meme up thread is Hull’s Whitefriargate.

neatlittlerows · 29/12/2021 22:34

It’s like he’s trying to do a nice thing but with as little effort required on his part as possible. YANBU.

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 29/12/2021 22:50

@Thewiseoneincognito

Isn’t Pandora kids play jewellery anyway? Tell him it’s junk jewellery and you want diamonds or a divorce- get him to Boodles.
Have you actually ever been to Boodles? It is not where normal people with an average budget buy their partners Christmas presents.

YANBU OP because you specifically asked not for Pandora again and you got it. I wonder what kind of engagement ring he'll produce for you?

Kanaloa · 29/12/2021 23:51

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity

Can we possibly agree op deserves a different good necklace without resorting to slagging off Pandora?I

Silly me, this is MN, or course we can't

Was just about to say the same. You only need to whisper ‘Pandora’ in an empty field and an army of mumsnettets crawl out of the ground screeching ‘junk jewellery’ and ‘independent small businesses!’

Realistically most of us use big chain businesses whether it be fast-food, groceries, clothes, or whatever. Lots like Pandora, which is fine. Whether you think it’s trashy/boring or whether you like it isn’t actually relevant to this post - replies saying nonsense like ‘Pandora is rubbish’ don’t actually answer the op, which isn’t ‘aibu to think Pandora is crap.’ The issue is that she said ‘can I have a gold necklace from x shop’ and her husband bought her a silver one from a different shop.

Kanaloa · 29/12/2021 23:53

And the pp saying ‘isn’t Pandora kids play jewellery’ is laughable in their desperation to appear so posh they don’t even see Pandora as worthy of anything but children’s toys. Obviously from the price and marketing you can see that it isn’t aimed at kids for playing with. Unless you’re very stupid.

LyraVega · 30/12/2021 00:01

YANBU, he's being lazy by taking the easiest option, especially as you suggested an alternative and have told him you don't want silver or pandora!

My best friends ex used to do this - he would go into Pandora, get the sales staff to choose rings / charms for him, and then he'd spend hundreds of pounds so that he looked like an amazing boyfriend when he actually put in zero effort at all.

Not saying that your husband is doing that exactly but he's not putting much effort in is he.

gofg · 30/12/2021 00:28

And the pp saying ‘isn’t Pandora kids play jewellery’ is laughable in their desperation to appear so posh they don’t even see Pandora as worthy of anything but children’s toys.

I totally agree, and they are saying much more about themselves than they are about Pandora. I don't read their post and think "oh aren't they posh", I think "oh what a judgemental prat".

Ionlydomassiveones · 30/12/2021 00:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

BasicDad · 30/12/2021 00:44

If it's not Cartier, LTB.

dancingbymyself · 30/12/2021 01:04

You can be direct but nice. 'Can I ask you about my Xmas gift? It's lovely that you buy me jewellery, but i asked for a gold chain and you got me a silver charm from Pandora. Why was that?'

Nowayoutonlydown · 30/12/2021 01:18

Hes not listening to your preferences which Is the most important part of buying a gift (how will it make the recipient feel?!)

He probably has just bought into the hype of Pandora, but it isn't your style or your preference so he needs to stop buying it for you

TerribleCustomerCervix · 30/12/2021 01:35

That SNL sketch is perfection.

The Pandora element is a red herring- the issue is you told him what you wanted and he bought the exact opposite because it was easier for him, and then expected you to be thrilled.

DH can be a lazy gift giver- I have told him explicitly on multiple occasions not to get me a Pandora anything as I know I’d be getting charms for every occasion until my dying day.

nextdoorslawnmower · 30/12/2021 02:50

I have a few Pandora things so I'm not anti Pandora. Asking for something specific and then getting something completely different because he thinks it's better is shit. He needs to do better.

RedHot22 · 30/12/2021 02:59

He’s not listening to you.
Pandora is a red herring.

I have plenty of expensive jewellery but love my triple leather bracelet with a tasteful charm from each child.

Muthalucka · 30/12/2021 07:00

Yanbu Pandora is awful and even if it was your style he’s not listening and that’s an unattractive quality

SunshinePuzzlePiece · 30/12/2021 07:53

YANBU, you (d)p should listen to you, he sounds a bit dim. Exchange the silver piece, Pandora have gold vermeil jewellery too.

I'd like to go against the grain and say that as a person who is easily naffed out and finds more of things tacky than others Blush I actually think Pandora make some amazing charms and their silver jewellery is good quality.

It's definitely overpriced but it's a brand and a shopping 'experience'. My teen nieces have Pandora charm bracelets and they actually look stylish and nice. I have given them each a Pandora Christmas charm, with has been coveted.

It's possible to get really quite cheep but nice silver jewellery from Amazon but there is an element of collecting with Pandora that can be fun for some people, especially teenagers. I admit freely that, seeing how smart my nieces' charm jewellery look, I am tempted to go for the slightly more tacky rose gold option. Maybe I'm not as sophisticated as I thought I am what you'd consider a classic dresser and wouldn't mind adding a bit of bling with Pandora. Smile

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/12/2021 07:57

I've got a silver bracelet with a sparkly rose gold clasp and a couple of rose gold clips @SunshinePuzzlePiece. That way it wasn't too OTT!

Original poster
thetagrunburg · 30/12/2021 08:08

Wow didn't expect so many replies thank you!
I guess the general consensus is that IANBU which is nice to hear.

To those asking why I reacted the way I did when I opened it.... I'm not sure really! I guess I've been conditioned to be polite and grateful when receiving gifts.

But yes, you're all right I need to speak to him. I can't fit any more bloody charms on my bracelet now anyway so probably need to get in there before he buys me another to fill up! 😳

OP posts:
TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 30/12/2021 08:18

I can't fit any more bloody charms on my bracelet now anyway so probably need to get in there before he buys me another to fill up that is a perfect "in". You feel your Pandora collection is now complete and want to keep it special so please please please no more Pandora.

Katieandthekids · 30/12/2021 08:37

Doesn't he notice that you don't wear it?!! This is bonkers and a waste of his money. You need to tell him straight.

BoredZelda · 30/12/2021 08:54

It is pretty rude to return a gift and directly tell someone you don't like it when they give it

It is pretty rude to completely ignore what your wife has requested as a gift after you asked her what she wanted.

BoredZelda · 30/12/2021 09:07

I guess I've been conditioned to be polite and grateful when receiving gifts

It’s frustrating when women blame social conditioning for their own lack of backbone. No wonder you are continuing to receive gifts you hate.

that is a perfect "in". You feel your Pandora collection is now complete and want to keep it special so please please please no more Pandora.

Or, given he is her husband maybe she just has a conversation with him without making up silly lies.

TwinkleToesStrikesAgain · 30/12/2021 09:25

How do men discover Pandora? Is it somewhere they would casually walk into?

I'm fairly sure DH hasn't heard of it, but I'm wondering if I could use the same truck Pandora use to introduce him to a rather fine independent jewellers in the city. He hasn't wandered into that either (in his defense we've only been into the city centre once since covid...)