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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only Pandora

127 replies

thetagrunburg · 29/12/2021 17:56

Just after some opinions here as I don't know if IABU or DH is

Been with DH around 5 years, during that time whenever he's bought me any jewellery (which is not that often) it's always been from Pandora.
He's mentioned a few times he's only ever bought jewellery from there for gifts as he thinks it's decent quality so never goes anywhere else Hmm
He's bought me a few Pandora charms over the time we've been together. I have a silver charm bracelet which was bought for me ages ago which I never wear but despite me politely mentioning that I don't really wear it he still seems to buy me charms for it for Xmas and birthdays. The charms are usually thoughtful and have some kind of meaning so that in itself is a sweet gesture I suppose.

In general I prefer to wear gold jewellery (not necessarily real gold, I'm not fussy!) and I have told him this a few times.
He asked me a few weeks before Xmas what I wanted for Xmas and I mentioned a gold chain I'd seen which I really liked (not Pandora!) - nothing super fancy, under £75 so not overly pricey. I showed him the website and the chain and he said he'd 'see what he could do'
Xmas day comes and I open my gift.... a silver Pandora necklace Confused

It's a nice necklace, but just not what I wanted. Am I being a diva here?

I reacted with a 'oh it's lovely thank you' as I didn't want to sound like a bitch but at the same time I'm kind of pissed off that he won't stray from frickin Pandora and doesn't listen to me!

I know I can go out and buy my own gold chain and I probably will but then I think he'll be hurt if I wear that instead of the one he's bought me! What do I do?!

YABU = shut up and wear the silver Pandora
YANBU = go get the gold one and tell him straight

OP posts:
Totorosfluffytummy · 29/12/2021 19:15

YANBU
Pandora jewellery is mostly awful.

CambsAlways · 29/12/2021 19:15

I’m tell him like it is,

Thewiseoneincognito · 29/12/2021 19:16

@Iwantmyoldnameback

Kids play jewellery? And get him to Boodles? Really?
I’ve never been in myself but from the types in the queues it looks like junk jewellery, always lots of young girls stood in line.

If Boodles is a stretch, Tiffany & Co do some lovely silver pieces ideal for gift giving.

BasiliskStare · 29/12/2021 19:18

@OhThatChicken - I did not mean to say for one moment that Pandora charms / jewellery were no good - if it is what you like how lovely you had one as a present - I happen not to but I bet you wouldn't like a lot of my stuff - I'll take that on board Grin - my point was about the buying of something someone doesn't like.

I think is it is unkind to be snooty about Pandora - obviously lots of people like it - & good for them - but if it is an 11th hour present with no thought - that is different.

thisplaceisweird · 29/12/2021 19:20

I would have to just say 'i don't think I'll wear this, you know I wear gold jewellery now, and would be a shame for this to sit in my cupboard. Do you think we could return it and get the necklace I showed you, I was really hoping you would get me that'

Well, I would actually leave the pandora on the side for weeks and weeks and buy myself the gold one and go on and on about how much I love it in front of him. But I'm petty.

Clymene · 29/12/2021 19:20

YANBU. You told him exactly what you liked and he ignored you and got you what he thought you would like. That's worse then not listening, it's deciding he knows better than you.

I would be really upset.

Kanaloa · 29/12/2021 19:22

Whether or not Pandora is nice is irrelevant. The point is that YOU don’t like it, and you told him you don’t like it, but he went ahead and got it anyway.

I think the only way it will change is to say oh this isn’t what I wanted, I’ll take it back. Then next year tell him well in advance please don’t get me anything from Pandora, I don’t want it so it’s a waste.

Martha8 · 29/12/2021 19:24

He chose it for you.
What is the point in choosing a necklace yourself and showing him the exact one you want? That's not a gift! Just buy it yourself.
Is the one he chose so awful it's worth hurting his feelings for?
You could just tell him next year that you have enough Pandora in your collection now and would like something different.

TooWicked · 29/12/2021 19:24

I honestly don’t know why anyone thinks the charms are thoughtful.

I’ve just had a browse online at them - there are at least 8 charms that would be ‘relevant’ to me if DH wanted to get me one. He could find one that suits in less than 30 seconds.

Here’s a charm with your birthstone.
Here’s a hot chocolate charm because I know how much you love hot chocolate.
Here’s a cat charm to remember our cat who was pts earlier this year.
Here’s a globe charm because we love travelling. Here’s a watering can and trowel charm because you’ve got into gardening over the last year.
Here’s a tennis racket charm because you play tennis.
Here’s a Buckingham Palace charm because we visited London earlier this year.

They’re all so generic.

Deadringer · 29/12/2021 19:26

He is lazy. Tell him that you want to exchange it for the one you asked for, otherwise you will be getting shit you don't want for the test of your life. Yanbu

Deadringer · 29/12/2021 19:27

*rest not test

NumberTheory · 29/12/2021 19:29

I would probably shove it in a drawer and buy the gold necklace for myself. Then next time he asks say "Why? You don't listen when I tell you. Just buy me something else from Pandora I can shove at the back of the drawer."

So don't be me.

It is pretty rude to return a gift and directly tell someone you don't like it when they give it. If you don't have that kind of candid back and forth with him the rest of the time, don't start now. Instead, give it some time. Then, before the next gift giving event, sit him down and tell him that Pandora really isn't to every woman's tastes, and that an awful lot women have a preference for gold or silver jewellery because of the way it looks on them so he shouldn't ignore that. If you need to, tell him you were pretty hurt that he hasn't noticed that you don't even wear the stuff he buys and you mention over and over what you do like, but he seems to be totally oblivious - even when you showed him exactly what you wanted last time when he asked. Then leave it at. He has to do the work to become a better gift giver. If he doesn't want to, just scale back on gifts and buy what you want for yourself.

Snowsaurus · 29/12/2021 19:32

I don’t like Pandora, but he probably bought the necklace to go with the bracelet..if you haven’t told him you don’t like the bracelet he’s not a mind reader. But I would return it anyway.

elvis4nuts · 29/12/2021 19:34

YANBU

Pandora is awful

Zilla1 · 29/12/2021 19:36

PMSL at the throwaway Boodles, Tiffany... Boodles, Tiffany, Pandora - all are heavily marketed jewellery at different price points in search of a soul. Sometimes mass/machine/slave-made. All the equivalent of microwave or ready meals. They have their place for some people and that doesn't mean the recipient can't imbue some meaning into the gift. Pandora has an amazing business school case study for how to build a new £bn business from a previously dispersed market by providing a regular offering for spouses and family members in search of a present without the imagination or desire, excusable for children, less so for adult purchasers. Haven't looked recently but Pandora built a massive business and franchisees earned a better return than many high street jewellery shops.

Thatsplentyjack · 29/12/2021 19:36

Hes just being lazy, and maybe gets some sort of discount in Pandora?

Nocutenamesleft · 29/12/2021 19:37

YANBU

You acted with grace. You told him what you wanted nicely

Yet he still didn’t get it for you

So do it. Go get it!

Funnylittlefloozie · 29/12/2021 19:39

I know someone would mention Tiffany soon. The "Return To Tiffany " bracelets that I see on half the wrists around me, are arguably just Pandora for those with bigger budgets!

crankysaurus · 29/12/2021 19:40

If you don't mention it to him now he'll keep getting it for you for you next birthday and next Christmas.

Workinghardeveryday · 29/12/2021 19:42

At least you got a present. I like many others got sweet fa.

TheGrinchsDog · 29/12/2021 19:48

@crankysaurus

Regift it to him given he's that fond of it and buy your own gold necklace.
This is actually hilarious and not a bad idea in a way, it'd make a point but I'd only do that with a partner who wouldn't find it hurtful.
BasiliskStare · 29/12/2021 19:48

@Workinghardeveryday - scant consolation but hope your Christmas was and New Year is going to be happy and peaceful & here Flowers Wine Brew - All best wishes - Basilisk

Nomoreusernames1244 · 29/12/2021 19:49

Tbf I can see the appeal of Pandora, especially when buying jewellery as a gift.

Jewellery is very personal, and it’s hard to get right. Pandora is mainstream, fairly boring, reasonably priced, not quirky or out there so you’ve got a better chance of getting something the receiver will like than if you go to an indie jeweller and splurge on something gorgeous, but that might not be to their taste.

At least it’s returnable. I’d return it if I really hated it. Millions of reasons could be given- I think I’d say I had loads of Pandora and I have 3 similar chains now.

TheGrinchsDog · 29/12/2021 19:50

@Workinghardeveryday

At least you got a present. I like many others got sweet fa.
What is this about?

Just because you are having a "worse" time of it means you get to invalidate someone else's feelings? That your Christmas present to yourself is it? Confused

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 19:50

@Workinghardeveryday

At least you got a present. I like many others got sweet fa.
"At least you've got an inconsiderate lazy husband" isn't much of a consolation.
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