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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only Pandora

127 replies

thetagrunburg · 29/12/2021 17:56

Just after some opinions here as I don't know if IABU or DH is

Been with DH around 5 years, during that time whenever he's bought me any jewellery (which is not that often) it's always been from Pandora.
He's mentioned a few times he's only ever bought jewellery from there for gifts as he thinks it's decent quality so never goes anywhere else Hmm
He's bought me a few Pandora charms over the time we've been together. I have a silver charm bracelet which was bought for me ages ago which I never wear but despite me politely mentioning that I don't really wear it he still seems to buy me charms for it for Xmas and birthdays. The charms are usually thoughtful and have some kind of meaning so that in itself is a sweet gesture I suppose.

In general I prefer to wear gold jewellery (not necessarily real gold, I'm not fussy!) and I have told him this a few times.
He asked me a few weeks before Xmas what I wanted for Xmas and I mentioned a gold chain I'd seen which I really liked (not Pandora!) - nothing super fancy, under £75 so not overly pricey. I showed him the website and the chain and he said he'd 'see what he could do'
Xmas day comes and I open my gift.... a silver Pandora necklace Confused

It's a nice necklace, but just not what I wanted. Am I being a diva here?

I reacted with a 'oh it's lovely thank you' as I didn't want to sound like a bitch but at the same time I'm kind of pissed off that he won't stray from frickin Pandora and doesn't listen to me!

I know I can go out and buy my own gold chain and I probably will but then I think he'll be hurt if I wear that instead of the one he's bought me! What do I do?!

YABU = shut up and wear the silver Pandora
YANBU = go get the gold one and tell him straight

OP posts:
PlanktonsComputerWife · 29/12/2021 19:52

Mine used to buy me gold stuff until I physically showed him on my skin that I only suit silver. Could you do the same in reverse?

People's skin tone can change as they are, so if you wanted to spare his feelings, you could hint that that was what had, alas, happened here.

GenerallyVeryUnreasonable · 29/12/2021 19:52

@HermioneWeasley

Pandora is absolutely marketed at men so they don’t have to think at any birthdays , anniversaries, Mother’s Day etc, just buy an over priced trinket which looks thoughtful but isn’t (a shoe, a coffee cup).

Tell him he’s rumbled and needs to do better.

Yes! This! ^

I can never get over the queues of men lining up outside Pandora on Valentine’s Day eve Grin

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 29/12/2021 19:53

When I worked at a proper jeweller's we couldn't take Pandora in for professional cleaning because most of it is plated base metal, Gucci and Dior the same. It's marketed at lazy men, buy her a bracelet then just buy another charm for each occasion.

didireallysaythat · 29/12/2021 19:53

DH has bought me a couple of necklaces I don't like - they are in the cupboard, I don't wear them and now he doesn't buy me jewellery so the problem is solved. That said, they would have only cost £20-40 - I guess if they were more it would be worth selling them.

No idea what Pandora costs - I'd always assumed less that Tiffany's but judging from other posts they are comparable. My engagement ring was custom made based on a Tiffany design - that's also in the cupboard!

almondcaramelcoconut · 29/12/2021 19:56

Pandora isn't the important part of this. If you tell him you don't like something and he still gets it, that's annoying, wasteful, and (imo) disrespectful. I'd open up. Tell him how you feel and that you want to return it and get something you'll actually wear. Honesty is the only way to stop receiving things you don't like. It would be different if it were from anyone else, but I think this is something you should be able to discuss honestly with your own husband.

Workinghardeveryday · 29/12/2021 19:58

@BasiliskStare thank you and you 😊x.

@TheGrinchsDog you what?? Not sure what you mean. Not trying to ‘invalidate’ anyone’s feelings at all. Just stating the obvious that something is better than receiving nothing at all.

bonetiredwithtwins · 29/12/2021 19:59

YANBU
return it to Pandora if possible. What a twat!

Bit harsh on the poor chap

I really don't understand the lack of gratitude that's been swirling around MN since Xmas day morning

ImFree2doasiwant · 29/12/2021 20:02

You need to put a stop to it really. Tell him you don't like it and want to return it, and then tell him no mire Pandora

almondcaramelcoconut · 29/12/2021 20:05

Something isn't better than nothing if it's an utter waste of money. DH and I don't have separate finances. If he wastes money on a gift I hate, he's not just wasting his own money (which would also bother me, tbh!). It would be family money going to waste.

If I were to spend a decent chunk of cash on something he genuinely would never use, I'd much rather he told me so we could return it instead of quietly letting it go to waste just to spare my feelings. I think he feels the same way.

Clymene · 29/12/2021 20:05

@bonetiredwithtwins

*YANBU return it to Pandora if possible. What a twat!*

Bit harsh on the poor chap

I really don't understand the lack of gratitude that's been swirling around MN since Xmas day morning

Poor chap? She clearly told him what she would like and he completely ignored her.

Why is there any sympathy for him? Confused

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/12/2021 20:09

@Funnylittlefloozie

I know someone would mention Tiffany soon. The "Return To Tiffany " bracelets that I see on half the wrists around me, are arguably just Pandora for those with bigger budgets!
Probably the majority are fake!
billy1966 · 29/12/2021 20:10

Well thoughtful, he ain't.

I would NOT be impressed.

bonetiredwithtwins · 29/12/2021 20:10

Out of interest where would be preferable over Pandora? Links of London used to be the go to place for charm bracelets but seems like Pandora is the only place left??

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 29/12/2021 20:12

@RuggerHug

Christmas Eve is their biggest selling day from men buying loads, biggest returns day is when they open after Christmas according to my mate that worked next door to one for years.
The queue of lazy ‘leave it until Christmas Eve’ blokes outside every Christmas is testament to what you’ve said.
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/12/2021 20:17

@bonetiredwithtwins

Out of interest where would be preferable over Pandora? Links of London used to be the go to place for charm bracelets but seems like Pandora is the only place left??
I've got Pandora but I've also got jewellery from an independent jeweller that I like, some of it hand made. I've also got stuff from the high street jewellers as well. I do prefer buying from an independent though.
YouokHun · 29/12/2021 20:21

You’ve got to hand it to Pandora; what a business model - buy an affordable (but overpriced for the quality) bracelet and then spend more and more filling it up with charms which don’t require a trip to the jeweller to have them soldered in place. They’ve certainly made themselves the easy choice for gifts. Personally I’m not keen on the style of it and it seems very expensive for what are often plated charms but I can see why people like it.

You probably need to be gently honest with him as I’m sure he has just found a safe and easy option and probably wouldn’t want to spend his money on something you don’t want, I know I wouldn’t want to do that. My DH and I give each other a few ideas of what we’d like for Christmas and birthdays and we’ve agreed that we each pick one item from the ideas we are given and get precisely that (no being creative and deciding to get something similar!). I think it’s possible to be honest but not unkind about it, but you will definitely need to be clear and honest or the tide of Pandora won’t stop until they go bust, which won’t happen for a long time!

TedMullins · 29/12/2021 20:21

Have you told him specifically that you don’t want or like Pandora? I would be really irritated in your position and just be honest with him

Sn0tnose · 29/12/2021 20:26

It sounds like he considers himself a bit of an expert on women’s jewellery and is reluctant to consider the possibility that he doesn’t actually know his arse from his elbow.

I think you should go and buy the gold chain you like and wear it whenever you like. And if he comments and asks you why you aren’t wearing the silver one he bought you, you reply ‘I don’t like Pandora. I don’t like anything about it and I have told you this, and have directed you to the jewellery I do like, but you didn’t listen to me, so I’ve bought my own jewellery’.

Theunamedcat · 29/12/2021 20:27

@TedMullins

Have you told him specifically that you don’t want or like Pandora? I would be really irritated in your position and just be honest with him
She literally showed him what she wanted he still bought her Pandora it's like buying a vegetarian a steak sandwich yes if they were hungry they could eat it but its literally not what they want
Theunamedcat · 29/12/2021 20:28

Far too much "literally" covid is taking its toll on my speech Blush

EllaVaNight · 29/12/2021 20:36

Isn’t Pandora kids play jewellery anyway? Tell him it’s junk jewellery and you want diamonds or a divorce- get him to Boodles. Diamonds or a divorce? How lucky your husband is to have such an easy way out! That'll be a great Christmas present for him. I can't imagine how tacky you need to be to say this to someone.

If Boodles is a stretch, Tiffany & Co do some lovely silver pieces ideal for gift giving. The original poster has, quite clearly, stated she would like gold. So you're just as clueless as her husband.

Interestingly both comments are from the same poster. I had to Google what noodles was because I've never heard of it (and it's just an awful name) and they all seem to be generic jewellery at different price points?

OP I'd explain he'd asked you what you would like and that he bought the opposite so could you please have the receipt to change it. I usually wouldn't but he's been a bad partner by not listening to you at all. That just seems unkind to me, like he can't be bothered to listen to you. I bet he can get details right at work because he respects his employer or job enough to listen to his task. He needs to show you the same respect.

At least you got a present. I like many others got sweet fa. Just because some partners are shit doesn't mean the OP has to lower her standards to the gutter.

BillMasheen · 29/12/2021 21:07

@bonetiredwithtwins

Out of interest where would be preferable over Pandora? Links of London used to be the go to place for charm bracelets but seems like Pandora is the only place left??
If you like the concept but not the style of Pandora, Trollbeads are the original (and best) www.trollbeads.co.uk
RedRobin100 · 29/12/2021 21:18

Just tell him you hate pandora.

He’s obviously not giving a shit about what you actually want or like, so don’t give a shit about offending HIM

HideousKinky · 29/12/2021 21:30

BeLessMe Thank you for having the technical skill to post the SNL video which I couldn't manage to do....!

(unrelated to this thread but - have you seen the one about scented candles/regifting? It's my favourite)

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 29/12/2021 21:33

Can we possibly agree op deserves a different good necklace without resorting to slagging off Pandora?I

Silly me, this is MN, or course we can't