Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crying over misunderstanding

625 replies

Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 01:34

Sorry MN I obviously have no one to talk to this time of day. My DH and I had a minor argument over "budgets" we agreed to to budget £500 per DC for clothes and presents (both birthdays and Christmas). He is of the idea that uniforms should be excluded, I think they should be included. Well, we originally agreed we'd let the oldest one about how much there was in there budgets, and the younger ones just tell them that they had a certain budget that counted for everything, so they could play around with it without knowing the amount. We did tell the oldest one, but my DH regrets it and now we have to retract it. We BOTH agreed that this is what needs to happen, bit then he went on about how we're going to disappoint the again. Then the conversation went sideways (he kept drinking during the course of it) but after 3 hours of it I just feel annoyed and sad that there were so many misunderstandings and there's always my upbringing Vs his and trying to make them align when in reay they were very different. He's asleep and I'm crying fairly pointlessly but I don't know what else to do.

OP posts:
MinnieJackson · 29/12/2021 22:38

Have you sorted things with your husband?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 23:02

Its in my second post that I said "we've struggled in the past but not in the new year". Sorry if that wasn't clear enough, but to me that made a difference between the future and the present/past.

OP posts:
LittleBabyCheeses · 29/12/2021 23:04

OP what was the argument about? Why did you say you’d have to let the children down? Did you decide in the course of the argument that £500 for everything was too much?

butterpuffed · 29/12/2021 23:11

No wonder in your other thread your husband was desperate to get his jacket back. He must've wanted to put it back in your wardrobe before you noticed it was missing.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 29/12/2021 23:18

The argument was that they never should have known how much the budget was. Not if.it was enough or not. He's ways agreed it's more than enough (if we take the uniforms and underwear from it).

OP posts:
Josette77 · 29/12/2021 23:23

The 16 yold has 3 pairs of jeans that fit?? That isn't enough.

AlDanvers · 29/12/2021 23:30

Op whays going on that you need to make a lot of shit up?

Your budgeting thread says you pay over £1000 pm for a mortgage. How do you manage that on a household income of 24k

You also allude to have some work done on your home or maybe even a new home from having your wage increase by so much, so quickly.

And now the job hasn't even started?

MinnieJackson · 30/12/2021 00:08

I think when your first wage comes in, you should obviously pay the bills first, then replace any clothes your children will need. Coats, gloves, hats, shoes.
Your earlier post contradicted your others, that her dad bought her an iPhone but didn't know she was wearing your clothes,when you said she wanted too? Did you mean he should have bought her clothes instead?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 04:29

@aldanvers because I was made redundant. I've never got anything done to this house (apart from an emergency plumber). We've had to live on a salary on £24k because we've had no choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 04:37

@minnie she dies wear my clothes because she likes to, but also (at least in theory) has two sets of clothes, one for each house (same with the other children and why three pairs of jeans in one home should be enough). I naively thought she was wearing her "dad's set" at his dad's, but it turns out her "dad's set" is non existent.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 30/12/2021 08:05

[quote Onlyrainbows]@minnie she dies wear my clothes because she likes to, but also (at least in theory) has two sets of clothes, one for each house (same with the other children and why three pairs of jeans in one home should be enough). I naively thought she was wearing her "dad's set" at his dad's, but it turns out her "dad's set" is non existent. [/quote]
So when she and assuming all kids go to their dads house, you don't wonder why there's absolutely no clothes of theirs in your house given they are there 50/50?

(I don't know why am still engaging with this! Confused)

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 08:32

But she does have some? Plus all the ones that are mine. I do query where are some of her clothes from time to time (it turns out some jeans were left at a friend's house for example). Now I know from what I asked yesterday (and some other comments she made) that she virtually has no clothes in her other house, her dad is in denial but that's a completely different matter.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2021 08:37

I was only ever bought one bra bought for me at 13 , which had to last me and my mother took the piss out of not needing one. Aged 17, I worked out I could buy my own. Funnily enough I needed a different size than the one she bought 4 years prior. Don’t be like my mother. 2 bras aren’t enough. Children are often very active.

My dd is 13 and changes her bras every day and they need changing especially on PE days. I spent about £150 on underwear about a year ago so she has a bunch of bras and knickers.

Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 08:45

How can you not understand that it is neglect not to provide adequate clothing for your children?

Pipsquiggle · 30/12/2021 09:03

OK I am out.

OP clearly has no intention of taking onboard any advice that literally hundreds of posts have given her.

This whole thread is one long, rambling, bonkers dripfeed - each 'update' showing it's clearly so much more than '£500 per child' budget.

I really hope your £60k job goes well and, once your finances stabilise, you treat your children to some clothes that isn't deducted from a spreadsheet and you buy your daughter more bras of different colours.

Hopefully your emails at work will be concise, to the point and understood by your colleagues

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:05

I'm not going to deny the bra situation, I truly believed her dad, so now I've bought her 4 more. The clothes from the other house is harder to figure out. Because of the setup she'll always leave my house with the clothes she'd normally war here (either because I got them for her or they're literally mine). I never get to see what she wears when she's with her dad.

OP posts:
Offmyfence · 30/12/2021 09:16

I can see why the argument with your DH went on for over three hours.....

SingaporeSlinky · 30/12/2021 09:21

OP, you meant to tag MinnieJackson but you’ve tagged Minnie instead. Please tag the full username, otherwise random mumsnet users not on this thread will be getting notifications!

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:25

I'm on the app and it doesn't let you tag, I didn't realise it tags the half tagged people. I just won't tag then.

OP posts:
Offmyfence · 30/12/2021 09:26

@Onlyrainbows

I'm on the app and it doesn't let you tag, I didn't realise it tags the half tagged people. I just won't tag then.
Yes it does let you tag @Onlyrainbows ! I'm using the app now!
Offmyfence · 30/12/2021 09:28

@Onlyrainbows

I'm on the app and it doesn't let you tag, I didn't realise it tags the half tagged people. I just won't tag then.
It also gives you a list of people on the thread, so you get the right person!

@SingaporeSlinky is correct!

Use the @ and the list comes up.

Hope your new job is not at MNHQ.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:28

Are you on the android app? As far as I can tell I have to memorize the name. It lets me quote, but not tag.

OP posts:
Offmyfence · 30/12/2021 09:29

@Onlyrainbows

Are you on the android app? As far as I can tell I have to memorize the name. It lets me quote, but not tag.
iPhone app @Onlyrainbows
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 30/12/2021 09:30

That's what I get on the app.

Crying over misunderstanding
OP posts:
Ovenaffray · 30/12/2021 09:34

You’re doing what you always do @Onlyrainbows and deflecting from the real Issues with one small irrelevant thing.

Incidentally, how can a holiday for three of you cost £3k but 6 of you £10k when you are going to visit family (therefore there won’t be accommodation costs?).