To wonder why this attitude towards marriage for men still exists?! [hmm]

[GreenGreenTreesOfHome]

NC for this as I don't want it linking with my other posts.

There was a man on Family Fortunes yesterday, who said he wants to treat his parents to a holiday for their 50th wedding anniversary if he wins some decent money. He said 'my dad has had 2 life sentences, he deserves the break!' He said NOTHING about his mum.

It really REALLY fucking pissed me off. He thought he was funny, Gino just looked a bit and it was pretty much like tumbleweed in the TV studio (with a couple of quiet nervous giggles,) but it made me so furious.

Why is it a 'life sentence' for a man to be married for a long time, but an achievement, and something to be celebrated for a woman? I thought this horrible, wanky attitude had been consigned to the history books.

But no, for men, it's still a tedious chore to be married apparently, and a 'ball and chain' and a 'life sentence!' Yet it's OK for women to be married, and as I say, it's classed as an achievement, and something to be celebrated for HER.

I have heard many times in the past actually, that men are healthier and happier when they're married, and actually get more out of marriage than women do. So why is this bullshit still a thing?

It is mostly older men that make these shitty comments and thankfully the attitude should die off when they all pop their clogs.

Great thread. We need to get rid of implicit sexism like this, at least for our children’s sakes. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking marriage is any kind of sentence, regardless of what sex they are.

Also, it’s a stupid statement, anyway, that says more about the unintelligent state of the contestant: clearly it wasn’t a “life sentence” if there were two of them.

My father benefitted enormously from his marriage. Apart from my mother sorting his stuff out whilst bringing in a hefty income, she died young, leaving him with various pensions.

What really fucks me off is a couple of times if I've bought a more expensive item, the (older male) shop assistant has said "Spending your husband's money, eh?"

I just replied "No, I'm spending my own money." And gave them a look which I hope was like Paddington Bear when someone forgets their manners.

I've been the higher earner for most of the time we've been together.

I agree with @GreenGreenTreesOfHome but maybe for a different reason than a few others. And I’m sure those saying it’s a joke aren’t bad people at all. But did the “it’s just a joke” posters know the greatest factor in whether you’ll end up divorced or being left by your spouse if you get cancer or multiple sclerosis is female gender? Women only leave sick men 2.9 percent of the time. But men leave sick women 20.8 percent of the time. People tell me all the time that I’m lucky my DH stayed, and compared to the statistics, I suppose I am. Because if jokes from childhood tell men that marriage is a life sentence, then how much worse is marriage to a sick woman? A marriage where she can no longer do the wife work? Apparently, bad enough that 1/5th of men feel no guilt over leaving women with cancer, or multiple sclerosis.

I think the people who are saying it’s just a joke, are missing something really important here. If society “tells” men, even through jokes, that marriage BY ITSELF is already a “ball and chain” and a “life sentence”… then a marriage to:

• a sick woman
• a dying woman
• a woman who can’t do “wife work” or “house admin” for some reason
• a woman too sick to have sex
• a woman who has severe vaginal damage after having children with her husband (and can’t have sex for a long period)
• a woman in the hospital
• a woman busy being a carer for someone else

is “too much punishment” on top of that already “life sentence.” When men leave women on this list, other women might be disgusted, but I’ve seen and heard a lot of men who aren’t (obviously, there are men who are disgusted too - it’s not 100% either way).

I do think that a lot of the posters agreeing with the “just a joke” approach mean no harm, and I love a laugh, laughing keeps me alive, but when we joke about things, they become engrained in our society. We no longer joke about certain terms (racist, sexist, ageist, etc) because it hurts society. So maybe it’s time to consider this one does, as well.

I hate the “it’s only a joke” line, implying it’s excusable to peddle this bullshit in the name of “humour”.

It’s only funny if everyone is laughing, and if they’re not, it’s worth checking “humorous” content for offensive material.

Bat it back, don’t own it!

@beastlyslumber
"It's not a funny joke, but who cares? If that's all women have to be bothered about these days then I'd say we're doing pretty amazingly well. "

Would you say the same about racist 'jokes'? Are racist jokes acceptable on television gameshows? If not and language is important, why don't we go after sexism the way we have racism? Or if language isn't important why do old fashion racist remakes mean a sacking, as in the case of sports commentators, whereas sexist remarks are just a laugh? If all gay/black/Korean etc people have to be bothered about then they're doing amazingly well.

@TrishM80, I've never heard of that applying to any of the couples I know who are under 40. For my generation possibly, but any of my DD's. But being in the 'doghouse' would have been days, not months. That was back in the day were women were careful about what they said, because it could get you a smack. So rather than communicate, which I see younger couples now doing, they'd withdraw to show that they were upset. I'd say that yours is another dated analogy.

I'm struggling to see what 'benefits' men get out of marriage.

OP you would have been so proud of my son yesterday! we were at my mums for Xmas dinner as everyone had had covid so it was the first time we could all get together and it was time for lunch to be served,this was the conversation that followed..
My mum...right tramp you get the plates and do the meat ,,serve the men first
My darling son 30 yrs what did you just say Granny?
Mum I am telling your mother to plate up and serve the men first
My son..Siorry Gran but sod that..its 2022 you and mum sit down we will serve you first,You have done everything sit down right now and let us mere men sort it out ,,go on sit yourself down
My mum was mortified and very angry with him ..I just beamed,literally beamed, My heart sang at his attempt to right everything that was wrong with that situation and he did,It ended up with a bit of a debate which ended with my mum saying she didnt like these new fangled ways and she wasnt having it about women and men being equal , She believed men were there to be served by mere women it was our job to look after our men and keep them happy,fed ,watered and looked after cos it was our place and how things have always been and how it should be and how it is proper. My wonderful son was not having any of it and was very vocal.It was an interesting day! I began to wash up and ended up instead of being on my own ,which I was quite happy to be pottering about in peace and quiet whilst a noisy game was taking place in the living room was joined by 3 of the 4 men there,one who tidied,one who dried the washing up and one who put the furniture back and swept the floor.Sit down mum I will put the kettle on...my son my bloody wonderful,caring,thoughtful,modern thinking son...Sorry Gran you couldnt win your argument!!! I only hope the rest of the younger generation lead with putting to bed the outdated steryotyping that my mums generation think is normal,After yesterday I feel we may soon see the back of this rubbish and well not before time!!

This is why there was that report on the news recently that comedy is in trouble. People are so quick to get offended & cancel culture.
I think it’s a bit narrow minded to think that everyone is going to have the same humour and opinions. Yeh it’s a crappy joke but I can’t get worked up about it. Who knows what was edited out that the son may have said about his Mother.

@RampantIvy

but the salesman constantly kept referring to it previously being owned by "one lady driver".

Actually, statistically, it could mean that the car is in better nick. Car insurance is usually cheaper for women as well.

@RampantIvy

In the past, car insurance was often cheaper for women, as, statistically they have fewer accidents. But this changed a few years ago, as it was considered discriminatory

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

OP you would have been so proud of my son yesterday! we were at my mums for Xmas dinner as everyone had had covid so it was the first time we could all get together and it was time for lunch to be served,this was the conversation that followed.. My mum...right tramp you get the plates and do the meat ,,serve the men first My darling son 30 yrs what did you just say Granny? Mum I am telling your mother to plate up and serve the men first My son..Siorry Gran but sod that..its 2022 you and mum sit down we will serve you first,You have done everything sit down right now and let us mere men sort it out ,,go on sit yourself down My mum was mortified and very angry with him ..I just beamed,literally beamed, My heart sang at his attempt to right everything that was wrong with that situation and he did,It ended up with a bit of a debate which ended with my mum saying she didnt like these new fangled ways and she wasnt having it about women and men being equal , She believed men were there to be served by mere women it was our job to look after our men and keep them happy,fed ,watered and looked after cos it was our place and how things have always been and how it should be and how it is proper. My wonderful son was not having any of it and was very vocal.It was an interesting day! I began to wash up and ended up instead of being on my own ,which I was quite happy to be pottering about in peace and quiet whilst a noisy game was taking place in the living room was joined by 3 of the 4 men there,one who tidied,one who dried the washing up and one who put the furniture back and swept the floor.Sit down mum I will put the kettle on...my son my bloody wonderful,caring,thoughtful,modern thinking son...Sorry Gran you couldnt win your argument!!! I only hope the rest of the younger generation lead with putting to bed the outdated steryotyping that my mums generation think is normal,After yesterday I feel we may soon see the back of this rubbish and well not before time!!

@Iputthetrampintrampoline I think your son was rude, TBH. All he had to say was "Sit down Mum, I'm happy to help, I've got this", instead of lecturing his hosts

He wants to buy them a holiday to celebrate 50yrs together. Assume they all get on well and are happy!

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

OP you would have been so proud of my son yesterday! we were at my mums for Xmas dinner as everyone had had covid so it was the first time we could all get together and it was time for lunch to be served,this was the conversation that followed.. My mum...right tramp you get the plates and do the meat ,,serve the men first My darling son 30 yrs what did you just say Granny? Mum I am telling your mother to plate up and serve the men first My son..Siorry Gran but sod that..its 2022 you and mum sit down we will serve you first,You have done everything sit down right now and let us mere men sort it out ,,go on sit yourself down My mum was mortified and very angry with him ..I just beamed,literally beamed, My heart sang at his attempt to right everything that was wrong with that situation and he did,It ended up with a bit of a debate which ended with my mum saying she didnt like these new fangled ways and she wasnt having it about women and men being equal , She believed men were there to be served by mere women it was our job to look after our men and keep them happy,fed ,watered and looked after cos it was our place and how things have always been and how it should be and how it is proper. My wonderful son was not having any of it and was very vocal.It was an interesting day! I began to wash up and ended up instead of being on my own ,which I was quite happy to be pottering about in peace and quiet whilst a noisy game was taking place in the living room was joined by 3 of the 4 men there,one who tidied,one who dried the washing up and one who put the furniture back and swept the floor.Sit down mum I will put the kettle on...my son my bloody wonderful,caring,thoughtful,modern thinking son...Sorry Gran you couldnt win your argument!!! I only hope the rest of the younger generation lead with putting to bed the outdated steryotyping that my mums generation think is normal,After yesterday I feel we may soon see the back of this rubbish and well not before time!!

Really? You were proud of him for talking to his grandmother like that? Her house, her rules even if he doesn't agree with them. He'd have got a massive telling off from me.

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

OP you would have been so proud of my son yesterday! we were at my mums for Xmas dinner as everyone had had covid so it was the first time we could all get together and it was time for lunch to be served,this was the conversation that followed.. My mum...right tramp you get the plates and do the meat ,,serve the men first My darling son 30 yrs what did you just say Granny? Mum I am telling your mother to plate up and serve the men first My son..Siorry Gran but sod that..its 2022 you and mum sit down we will serve you first,You have done everything sit down right now and let us mere men sort it out ,,go on sit yourself down My mum was mortified and very angry with him ..I just beamed,literally beamed, My heart sang at his attempt to right everything that was wrong with that situation and he did,It ended up with a bit of a debate which ended with my mum saying she didnt like these new fangled ways and she wasnt having it about women and men being equal , She believed men were there to be served by mere women it was our job to look after our men and keep them happy,fed ,watered and looked after cos it was our place and how things have always been and how it should be and how it is proper. My wonderful son was not having any of it and was very vocal.It was an interesting day! I began to wash up and ended up instead of being on my own ,which I was quite happy to be pottering about in peace and quiet whilst a noisy game was taking place in the living room was joined by 3 of the 4 men there,one who tidied,one who dried the washing up and one who put the furniture back and swept the floor.Sit down mum I will put the kettle on...my son my bloody wonderful,caring,thoughtful,modern thinking son...Sorry Gran you couldnt win your argument!!! I only hope the rest of the younger generation lead with putting to bed the outdated steryotyping that my mums generation think is normal,After yesterday I feel we may soon see the back of this rubbish and well not before time!!

He just sounds rude and patronising. He could have offered to help nicely without upsetting his grandmother and all the self important talk. I’d have been embarrassed, not proud. Your poor mum.

It is just a lighthearted joke. The truth, as you say, is that men do much better if they are married. So, you could say "you lucky", or you could have a bit of sarcastic sense of humour and say " oh this "life-sentence" of yours".
I do not find it offensive, he is not really meaning the literal words, he is playing the game to celebrate their marriage!
"One life sentence" gets you through the hard work of raising your children, "two" through getting them married and helping them settle and start having their babies!, and all the joy that comes with it.
The sad thing is that many women actualy end up working more if they are married. Between the stress in the body of pregnancy and birth, and that many work out of the household, and then do a large share of the household. Big cheers for married women!

@WhatAWasteOfOranges

This is why there was that report on the news recently that comedy is in trouble. People are so quick to get offended & cancel culture. I think it’s a bit narrow minded to think that everyone is going to have the same humour and opinions. Yeh it’s a crappy joke but I can’t get worked up about it. Who knows what was edited out that the son may have said about his Mother.

Comedy is in trouble because most comedians are lame and unfunny.

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

OP you would have been so proud of my son yesterday! we were at my mums for Xmas dinner as everyone had had covid so it was the first time we could all get together and it was time for lunch to be served,this was the conversation that followed.. My mum...right tramp you get the plates and do the meat ,,serve the men first My darling son 30 yrs what did you just say Granny? Mum I am telling your mother to plate up and serve the men first My son..Siorry Gran but sod that..its 2022 you and mum sit down we will serve you first,You have done everything sit down right now and let us mere men sort it out ,,go on sit yourself down My mum was mortified and very angry with him ..I just beamed,literally beamed, My heart sang at his attempt to right everything that was wrong with that situation and he did,It ended up with a bit of a debate which ended with my mum saying she didnt like these new fangled ways and she wasnt having it about women and men being equal , She believed men were there to be served by mere women it was our job to look after our men and keep them happy,fed ,watered and looked after cos it was our place and how things have always been and how it should be and how it is proper. My wonderful son was not having any of it and was very vocal.It was an interesting day! I began to wash up and ended up instead of being on my own ,which I was quite happy to be pottering about in peace and quiet whilst a noisy game was taking place in the living room was joined by 3 of the 4 men there,one who tidied,one who dried the washing up and one who put the furniture back and swept the floor.Sit down mum I will put the kettle on...my son my bloody wonderful,caring,thoughtful,modern thinking son...Sorry Gran you couldnt win your argument!!! I only hope the rest of the younger generation lead with putting to bed the outdated steryotyping that my mums generation think is normal,After yesterday I feel we may soon see the back of this rubbish and well not before time!!

Well done to him for helping and asking his grandmother and mother to sit after they had been cooking! This sounds fair to me. About how you speak to family, each family is as bold or as formal as they choose to be with each other. I cannot imagine calling my grandmother host for a family meal, for example.

I know the conversation has moved on a bit - but yes these ‘jokes’ irk me too.

See also: bride throwing a bouquet and the woman that catches it, her boyfriend runs away. Hilarious. Equally hilarious, the one woman who doesn’t make an attempt to catch it and the boyfriend stands proudly looking on at his Cool Girlfriend.

Ho ho ho.

Not rude at all,Mainly demonstrating that life and marriage is a partnership requiring teamwork and dedication and respect plus input equally from both sides, No one is more deserving or more important than the other and the attitude of men are king whilst the poor little woman be kept down in her place of servitude often as well as holding down employment herself and still running the home etc is, as it should be. as out dated as the dinosaurs, Serve the men first,,oh no! no place for that in any society these days, Rude no sorry ,outspoken yes totally ..was .he was wrong , to challenge and question such antiquated ideas? If so the lot of women will never change. I rather admired his respect for the females of the world! still we can all beg to differ!

@Hrpuffnstuff1

I'm struggling to see what 'benefits' men get out of marriage.

How about staying alive?

I suppose I could wax on about partnership, love, romance, having someone to support you, but let’s talk science.

Never-married men are three times more likely to die of heart disease than married men. On the other hand, married men are 46% less likely to die over a 10-year period than unmarried men, even taking age, body fat, smoking, blood pressure, diabetes, and cholesterol into account. And the studies show it’s not because healthier men are the ones who get married.

The studies prove: men living with partners have better health but those living with their wives “have the best health of all.”

www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health (page includes results of several studies)

@WhatAWasteOfOranges

This is why there was that report on the news recently that comedy is in trouble. People are so quick to get offended & cancel culture. I think it’s a bit narrow minded to think that everyone is going to have the same humour and opinions. Yeh it’s a crappy joke but I can’t get worked up about it. Who knows what was edited out that the son may have said about his Mother.

Perhaps the same editor should have edited out this bullshit “joke” too, then, cos as you say, it’s a crappy joke.

Indeed, we might say that the reason why comedy is in trouble, is because the jokes are unfunny, and sexist, if this is anything to go by.

@MushMonster

It is just a lighthearted joke. The truth, as you say, is that men do much better if they are married. So, you could say "you lucky", or you could have a bit of sarcastic sense of humour and say " oh this "life-sentence" of yours". I do not find it offensive, he is not really meaning the literal words, he is playing the game to celebrate their marriage! "One life sentence" gets you through the hard work of raising your children, "two" through getting them married and helping them settle and start having their babies!, and all the joy that comes with it. The sad thing is that many women actualy end up working more if they are married. Between the stress in the body of pregnancy and birth, and that many work out of the household, and then do a large share of the household. Big cheers for married women!

“This is a lighthearted joke” “It’s not literal” “He’s not meaning it”

All these things are enabling this sexist bullshit to be peddled. How about we have jokes that are properly funny, well-meant, and clear in their non-sexism?

Comedy writers need to be coming up with original material, not recycling the same old crap.

Whatever is said will be taken in an offensive way by some people.
It is actions that matter.
Action in the example is that this man wants to celebrate his parents long marriage.
If he was saying, I want to buy a new car for my father on his wedding anniversary because poor him, he has served two life sentences already! Then, that is not right really.
But quite a few of you have serious issues with facts, and you make a huge mountain out of a grain of sand! Try to chill a bit, and focus on equalling tasks between women and men, instead of a joke.
Though, I suppose suppressing others sense of humour is easier than actually doing something about it. All this microanalysing each word only pushes people away from any subject. Just chill a bit!