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Original poster

To wonder why this attitude towards marriage for men still exists?! [hmm]

158 replies

GreenGreenTreesOfHome · 28/12/2021 14:10

NC for this as I don't want it linking with my other posts.

There was a man on Family Fortunes yesterday, who said he wants to treat his parents to a holiday for their 50th wedding anniversary if he wins some decent money. He said 'my dad has had 2 life sentences, he deserves the break!' He said NOTHING about his mum.

It really REALLY fucking pissed me off. He thought he was funny, Gino just looked a bit Shock and it was pretty much like tumbleweed in the TV studio (with a couple of quiet nervous giggles,) but it made me so furious. Angry

Why is it a 'life sentence' for a man to be married for a long time, but an achievement, and something to be celebrated for a woman? I thought this horrible, wanky attitude had been consigned to the history books.

But no, for men, it's still a tedious chore to be married apparently, and a 'ball and chain' and a 'life sentence!' Yet it's OK for women to be married, and as I say, it's classed as an achievement, and something to be celebrated for HER. Hmm

I have heard many times in the past actually, that men are healthier and happier when they're married, and actually get more out of marriage than women do. So why is this bullshit still a thing?

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 28/12/2021 16:46

I'm talking specifically about marriage. Even now, lots of women have children outside of wedlock

Ok so you’re talking about marriages without DC? And your perspective is that men will have to hand over their cash on separation? WTF?!

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 28/12/2021 17:18

I actually think this kind of sexist shit is worse because it can be explained away as 'humour' so people don't have to cop to the attitudes it belies.

Toomanyradishes · 28/12/2021 18:11

@yungwaffle no you have misunderstood me. You said in a couple without children men get their assets taken off them and have to pay a monthly payment on divorce. In the uk at least thats bullshit and appears to come from an assumption that women bring no assets to a relationship and pay towards no assets in a relationship. Its sexist bullshit that perpetuates a 1950s image of women as housewives.

Men are not having to be dragged down the aisle kicking and screaming because they are scared they will have to pay spousal maintenance if they get divorced. Some men and women perpetuate the attitude that the man is the breadwinner that the woman is lucky to have pinned down into marriage before she turns into a nagging shrew. Because men never nag and women bring nothing to the marriage

YungWaffle · 28/12/2021 18:31

@Toomanyradishes
Well it definitely looks like you're misunderstanding me.

Brieandcamembert · 28/12/2021 18:39

It's the oldest most unsophisticated joke (that grates as everyone has heard it 300 times but it is just a joke.

Toomanyradishes · 28/12/2021 18:40

@yungwaffle well i dont appear to be the only one who is understanding your comments the same way

Pumperthepumper · 28/12/2021 18:42

I really think this kind of humour is dying out though. The vast majority of people will just think he’s a tool because that joke has been done a thousand times before.

IcedPurple · 28/12/2021 18:43

What makes this 'ball and chain' type 'humour' all the more ironic is that marriage benefits men way more than women.

Numerous studies have shown that self-reported levels of well-being increase for men after marriage, but stagnate or decline for women. Married men live longer than single men, and are more likely to be promoted at work. The same does not apply to women. Women are also twice as likely as men to initiate divorce, and half as likely to seek to remarry after divorce.

And yet we're told marriage is a woman's goal in life, but a form of captivity for men?

Emerald5hamrock · 28/12/2021 18:44

It is sexist bull.

JustLyra · 28/12/2021 18:49

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

I totally agree *@GreenGreenTreesOfHome* it gives me the rage that sort of twattery.

I was looking at changing my car recently, thought I'd found the perfect car but the salesman constantly kept referring to it previously being owned by "one lady driver". What the actual fuck does that mean?? I didn't buy it.

Women are less likely to be involved in accidents and are much less likely to be convicted of driving offences including speeding so it’s likely the car was owned by a statistically safer/better driver.
Original poster
GreenGreenTreesOfHome · 28/12/2021 18:58

@swimlyn

it’s easy to spot the hidden men on this thread, isn’t it? Smile

Oh yes indeed. Wink There's one DEFINITE one for sure on here. Stands out a mile.

@Bambooshoot

Sickening and completely not funny. Poor bloke, married to a woman who has no doubt raised his children, sacrificed her career prospects and pampered to his needs for 50 years - and let’s not forget that rape within marriage was only a crime from what, 1991? Bet she had a wonderful life having “snagged her man” and having to work her arse off at home with no recognition, but poor guy, despite his freedom out there in the workforce, he couldn’t be happy, if only she had let him off the leash there would have been so many young busty beauties just gagging to leap into bed with some middle aged random - er, no, not even the Sun tries to peddle this nonsense any more.

The patronising idea that men are always the financial losers in divorce needs to be debunked as well - plenty of women out earn their partners these days, or need recompense for the financial losses incurred in raising children. This ridiculous concept that all men are doing women a favour by marrying them is outdated. It should be a match of equals, and if a man feels financially hard done by on a division of assets by a court after divorce then he’s either a fool or a misogynist.

100% this. ^ Totally agree!

@icedpurple

What makes this 'ball and chain' type 'humour' all the more ironic is that marriage benefits men way more than women.

Numerous studies have shown that self-reported levels of well-being increase for men after marriage, but stagnate or decline for women. Married men live longer than single men, and are more likely to be promoted at work. The same does not apply to women. Women are also twice as likely as men to initiate divorce, and half as likely to seek to remarry after divorce.

And yet we're told marriage is a woman's goal in life, but a form of captivity for men?

Exactly my point. Why is this shit being perpetuated, in 2021? Confused

OP posts:
CayrolBaaaskin · 28/12/2021 19:00

I think @YungWaffle is getting a hard time she doesn’t deserve. She is just pointing out that marriage often does financial benefits for women. She says she is the higher earner so not for her. There may be disadvantages to women from marriage but many do gain financially v the situation where they had the same relationship but were not married. Faod I did not marry my ex and as the higher earner/ one with most assets that benefitted me financially a lot. But often women are in the opposite position.

I do think there is a sexist trope here but equally the joke could be harmless and ironically intended.

BlancheB · 28/12/2021 19:02

I agree OP, it shouldn't be tolerated in this day and age but sadly it is. You've only got to read the first response Hmmas an example...

CayrolBaaaskin · 28/12/2021 19:07

Tbf I agree that marriage should be a «match of equals» but I am shocked by how often on mn many women are not looking for that but for someone to support them financially. Many men are also not looking for a match of equals but some are at least

Branleuse · 28/12/2021 19:09

Because youre watching a gameshow. Its hardly highbrow humour.

PlasticPlantsDontDie · 28/12/2021 19:19

It pisses me off because it’s the opposite of the truth. Men joking about their wives being the “boss”.

It’s performative.

If marriage benefitted women more, they wouldn’t be the main instigators in divorce.

PlasticPlantsDontDie · 28/12/2021 19:24

Exactly my point. Why is this shit being perpetuated, in 2021?

Because if women knew the truth about marriage they wouldn’t get married and would have kids out of wedlock. Women would be impoverished and men wouldn’t have the same dibs on their kids. Then Jordan Peterson would have an aneurism. The End.

RealBecca · 28/12/2021 19:33

@oklets

Never wanted to marry either. We decided to as a financial decision as we will benefit from tax breaks when one of us dies.

It also guarantees the other can access the others accounts on death rather than having to go through wills and probate to freeze stuff.
Thought it was better to get it done sooner rather than later. There was no proposal, no name change, no ring, we haven't even told our families or friends. It was purely a financial decision.

Make sure you both have wills at least so you aren't shafted for inheritance or having to deal with possible drawn out by family squabbles x

Chasingaftermidnight · 28/12/2021 19:33

I was looking at changing my car recently, thought I'd found the perfect car but the salesman constantly kept referring to it previously being owned by "one lady driver". What the actual fuck does that mean?? I didn't buy it.

I hate this so much.

My dad has recently been having hospital treatment and he keeps referring to ‘the lady consultant’. WTF is a ‘lady consultant’? There’s only ‘the consultant’ - i.e. the senior doctor overseeing your care.

RealBecca · 28/12/2021 19:36

@oklets

I do however fully agree marriage isn't a romantic ideal and dislike all the same things you've listed. If we could have signed over the same tax benefits without being 'married' we would have.

Caka2 · 28/12/2021 19:45

I do agree with you.
Oh and if they do separate 'she' has taken everything from 'him' !!! That always makes me laugh- you never hear it the other way round!

Mulhollandmagoo · 28/12/2021 19:52

It is a shite joke! Hopefully this sort of 'humour' dies out with the generation that find it funny.

I'm lucky that most people I know my age don't say things like that (mid 30's) but I notice it hugely in those slightly older. My FIL is one, he doesn't joke and he isn't rude, but he definitely doesn't understand the dynamic of our household, he doesn't understand why I work, or that we pretty much equally financially contribute and that the domestic and child rearing responsibility is spilt between me and my husband. He also refers to our house as my husbands house which gets me a bit Angry

It's very embedded in those generations of people so will take some shifting, but looking at younger couples that attitude is much less present.

beastlyslumber · 28/12/2021 20:18

It's not a funny joke, but who cares? If that's all women have to be bothered about these days then I'd say we're doing pretty amazingly well. I'd rather have a dozen lame jokes like that a day than males allowed into women's prisons, for example. But I guess it's too difficult to do anything about that, so we'll just try and get some poor unfunny idiot cancelled for his daft joke he was probably made to say by some producer anyway. (And then we wonder why women don't call themselves feminists...)

Original poster
GreenGreenTreesOfHome · 28/12/2021 21:05

@Caka2

I do agree with you. Oh and if they do separate 'she' has taken everything from 'him' !!! That always makes me laugh- you never hear it the other way round!
YEP. And men take a LOT from women in marriage. A LOT.
OP posts:
Original poster
GreenGreenTreesOfHome · 28/12/2021 21:13

@Mulhollandmagoo

It is a shite joke! Hopefully this sort of 'humour' dies out with the generation that find it funny.

I'm lucky that most people I know my age don't say things like that (mid 30's) but I notice it hugely in those slightly older. My FIL is one, he doesn't joke and he isn't rude, but he definitely doesn't understand the dynamic of our household, he doesn't understand why I work, or that we pretty much equally financially contribute and that the domestic and child rearing responsibility is spilt between me and my husband. He also refers to our house as my husbands house which gets me a bit Angry

It's very embedded in those generations of people so will take some shifting, but looking at younger couples that attitude is much less present.

ARGH! Angry Your 'husband's house!' SO annoying! Something similar happens to me actually... Me and DH share a car, and have done for about 12 years as we haven't needed a car each since around 2010. If I had a tenner for the amount of times I have heard someone say 'OMG! You let her drive your car?! I'd be a fucking millionaire. Hmm

@BlancheB

I agree OP, it shouldn't be tolerated in this day and age but sadly it is. You've only got to read the first response as an example... Hmm

I know right, that first comment made me cringe. The vast majority have been in agreement though.

A few comments have been a bit cringeworthy like 'oooh if that's all women have to worry about then they're doing well.' So cringey and cliched. And a few comments are clearly from men, and a couple are clearly wind-up comments.

OP posts: